9/26- Today, time passed. And... Just breathe.

I woke up, and it was cold.
I liked the chilly weather, for the most part.

I'm a fan of a drive in a nice warm car.
But today..

I don't know.

This weekend, Saturday night, I have friends coming over!
So.. I'm excited for that. I really am.

I just have to get through the next 3 days.

I'm going to try and find something good to think about!

Like...
Kittens.
Or...

Lollipops.

Or something.

I don't know.

I just gotta keep chugging along.
Eyes to the ground, keep walking.

Just keep on breathing.
Interestingly enough, that's actually something I try to focus on sometimes.
Like, before a panic attack or something.

Focusing on your breathing patterns can either help you relax, or.. Really, really backfire.
It's about a 50/50 for me.
Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
In case.. You.. Didn't understand the fraction I just put.. Right there.
And I just reiterated myself.
Anyway.

I'm just going to try and keep that single thought in my head all night.
The breathing thing.
The days are.. Upsetting, but the nights are the worst.
Darkness, lots of silence, all you can think about is the day before..

Sigh.
Honestly, this is why I play video games.
I don't go as far to play it to have a "second life" or a "second identity" or anything.
That's definitely not why.

But, I play video games for the same reason I read books.
It allows me to focus on a world outside of my own.
Not to the point that I disassociate or anything. That's not my goal.

It just.. Allows me to think about something aside from myself.
I don't have to think about my own problems, and I can just get lost in another activity.

Well, I suppose I have other stuff besides reading and playing video games.
Music, friends, etc.

But right now? When I'm alone?
Video games and reading are my choices.
I've read for my World Lit class for a little already. Which is good.
Homework is always good.

So I'm trying to find things I can do to keep myself occupied!
I'm watching Bones, writing this blog, debating what game I want to play next, and... Breathing.

I think I'm going to try and draw something.
Or at least attempt to.

I guess it's good night.

Thought of the day:

As long as you're still breathing, you aren't dead.

Now now, hear me out.

If you're still breathing, that means you haven't completely given up.

You're still breathing, you're still alive.

And like it or not, you're alive for a reason.

So, my advice is.. 

When you can't go on, when you want to curl up and cry, well...

Go for it!

I plan on doing it.

But when you're curled up, just.. Keep breathing.

Count the breaths, if that helps. 

Keep the air going in and out of your lungs, and focus on the now. Don't worry about the rest of the world. 

Just worry about your own little corner of the earth.

Just worry about inside your room.

Put on some music.
Put on your crying clothes.
Grab a handkerchief.

Breathe.

Just.. Breathe.

Hang in there.

You'll make it.

-Nolan

Here is something to giggle at.