11/30- Hummingbird Heartbeat

Today wasn't really anything special.
It was fun, but not really special.

I went to lunch with Jacy today!
I picked her up, and I went the wrong way down Timberline, so we got to Culver's late.
But we still made it back to school in time for her next class!

I sat around at home really not doing anything.
Some drumming, some music, some gaming..
Normal stuff.

Then I went and picked up Men In Black III and The Campaign from Redbox.
Dad and I just finished Men In Black. It was good!
It had Bill Hader and Will Arnett.
It was for a short time, but they were there!

And the villain of the movie..
I knew his voice, and I knew his face, but I couldn't remember his name.

Actually is..

IT'S SO AWESOME.

If you know who he is, well done!

It totally made my day when I saw that.

I felt smart because I knew his voice and the inflection he used when he said something long and drawn-out.

Granted, I didn't remember the person by name.. But I remembered the voice.

Boris is the best supervillain ever.

Or Bane is.

Or Doctor Horrible...

I'm not sure.

They're all equally evil and amazing.

Let's see... How was today aside from all of those things.

It was.. Alright. 

The title of the blog is because I've been addicted to the song Hummingbird Heartbeat all day.

Part of it is because it's such a cute song, but the other part is because I miss having butterflies in my stomach when I talk to someone.

The past couple times I had that feeling, it ended up ending as quickly as it began. 

I love being able to love, I love being able to make someone feel special.

It's just hard seeing 99% of my friends moving forward and finding someone special to share life with.
Even if it's just a boyfriend or girlfriend, there's still something there that's special.

And that's what I miss.

But the good news is, I've been elected the 'gay best friend' for three or four of my girl friends!

Which is a wonderful feeling.

It's my 3rd day of being an openly bisexual Christian guy.

It's.. It's not bad!

I haven't gotten much shit from anyone, and no one has tried to put me down.

But I've already gotten closer to some of my friends, and people are looking at me in a new way, in a way that I (for the most part) actually like.

I can finally comment on a guy's appearance and people won't just look at me and assume I'm trying to get on a girl's good side by agreeing with her.

I can be as sensitive as I want!

Bwahahahahahaha.

Not sure why that needed an evil laugh, but it did.

Emotionally, I've been..

I'm not sure.

Ups and downs. 

On the plus side, the 'ups' are actually staying for more than one hour.

On the negative side, that just makes it more obvious to me when the 'downs' come by.

It's actually started drawing a bodily reaction from me when I get upset.

Drop in heart rate, muscles relax and go slack, smile disappears, eyes go blank.

All that.. Fun stuff.

But I figure it's something I'll get through one way or another.

For the past week, I've just focused on avoiding the things that make me upset. 

If I remember something specific, I just remind myself that I'll be busy in the next 10 minutes, so I shouldn't worry about it.

Obviously, I still have that part of me that enjoys the pain because it's bittersweet.

Eh.

Oh well.

Let's see..

Ah. 

Finals are in two weeks.

I'm not freaking out yet, but I can feel the freakout coming. 

So.. The next week will be full of "OHH GODDDD FINALSSSSSSS"

I'll make this weekend not as sucky then.

Uh.. I think that's it.

I'm going to go listen to cute music and keep myself busy.

G'night!

-Nolan