Today actually was!
Starting with my workout. I decided to start adding actual lifting into my upper body days, even if it's simple stuff like barbells and lat pulldowns. I mean, for the first time since I started, my chest is sore after chest and back day. Like pretty sore. I do the machines that I usually do, I just added another lat machine, and I did 3x10 presses with 20 pound barbells on an inclined bench, flat bench, and declined bench. So hopefully I can get some chest definition now. I still need to start using the large weights, but that's for another time.
After that I had class, blah blah blah, then had an interview at Chick-fil-A! It went great, and I got the job. But I have an interview with Kohl's next week, so I told the CFA guy that I wanted to wait because I "was going to be out of town and unable to get back to him yet." I'm really really really really really hoping I get the job at Kohl's. I'd kill to work in retail with clothing and get a discount on clothes. I'd get to spend my day around fashion, and I would look forward to that. So here's hoping I can get that one.
Yeah... That's it. I have major feels right now. Standard-issue feeling alone and ignored stuff, and missing Frankie because she's in the hospital still.
I just want to feel wanted by someone. Not even in a romantic way. In a friendly way would be just fine with me. But I'm losing friends and the friends I have are slowly losing contact with me and it's getting frustrating. I miss when people would want to stay up late talking to me. When people would actually tell me about their day. I don't know what's been happening but I think my friends are outgrowing me. But that's their problem, right? If they don't want to be around me, that's their choice. It just means they're not the ones who will be showing up to my wedding in the future. So I just have to accept that people will grow apart except for a select few, and to hold those few closer than the others.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I'm pissed off, frustrated, upset, and lonely all at the same time. I don't like it and it's getting on my nerves that I'm affected by something so fucking small, you know? It's okay though. Just keep breathing and working out and I'll be fine. I'm going to go to sleep now before I get feeling worse! Nighty night folks.
Love,
-Nolan
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