01/13- To be honest, today was awful.

Now, I'm going to try to make an effort for this blog to be less... Complain-y than it has been in the past. But today was absolutely terrible, there's no better way to put it.

Let's start from the beginning.
Early morning and afternoon wasn't bad at all! I woke up and headed downstairs to hang out with Caleb and Christine, watch some TV, and clean up the basement (it really needed it). They headed out to talk to her parents about at least getting her phone back, and I headed to my room to play some games and be lazy. After a few hours, I got all dolled up and ready to go job hunting in town.

First stop was a little game store that I desperately want to work at, but they had no info for me. After that, I checked a few food places and general retail stores. Nobody really was hiring, so I got some websites to check and met some managers in the hopes that maybe they'll recognize my name and be interested in hiring me.

The last stop is what ruined it for me. I walked into my favorite coffee shop to get an application, and saw Taylor. See, I've been doing very well lately in terms of my emotions. So I was unpleasantly surprised when I left and suffered an immediate panic attack. I DON'T KNOW WHY. I can't figure it out. What the hell. I just... I was panicked, I was overly emotional, I was crying, I was breathing too fast, and I have no idea why. I immediately texted a few people to see if anyone was available to hang out with me, so I could just relax with friends. Everyone was busy, so I decided to buy some new shisha and head home. Throughout the rest of the day, everybody I tred to at least check in with was busy. Obviously their life doesn't revolve around me, and they can have prior engagements. I guess it was just bad timing so I felt like I was being ignored, though I know better than that.

Since peoples were busy, I smoked my new shisha myself and it was DELICIOUS. Called Screwdriver I believe, based off some sort of drink that I intend to get when I'm 21. Fruity and shit like that. Amazing.

Anyway. The rest of the night, the internet would cut in and out, so I couldn't apply anywhere online, and I couldn't even play games online. It was exceptionally frustrating.

However, I did get a gorgeous bit of advice from a friend.

It was right after my panic attack. I was... Very, very angry with myself. I was convinced I was weak because I had an attack over something as small as seeing her, when it shouldn't have affected me like that. 

I guess that's mainly it. It was... A bad day. I didn't like it. The best part of the day was smoking my new shisha, and... That's it. 

I'm hoping things start to go better. I've been emotionally... Uncomfortable. There's no other way to put it. I've been having problems knowing what I should be feeling and when, and just confused, you know? It's so hard to explain. I've had great days and I've had horrible days, but that's life. Meh. I just feel... Almost stale. That's the best way I can think of describing it. Things will start to look up, I just have to hang in there and look forwards to better days. 

Uhhhh yeah. I think that's all I can really think of for now. So good night everyone, and I hope your days are fantastic today! 

-Nolan