Uhhh so... Hi, I guess. I haven't been here in a very long time.
Life has been awfully nuts in the past half-year or so. Just... Crazy.
Lots has happened, both good and bad. But it's happened, so there's not much I can do about it, right? Past is past. All I can do is keep moving forward.
I'm ridiculously exhausted right now. I've been having a week of ups and downs.
And plus I'm waiting for my heated blanket to warm up my sheets so I can get in bed to a cozy and comfy bed, so I figured I could at least write a blog post for the hell of it. Might as well, not much else to do!
Let's see... What to talk about... Hmmmm.
Well a while back I mentioned I had a crush on this particular girl, but I got turned down pretty quickly when I tried to explain how I felt. That's actually fine with me. I figure if I'm not what she's interested in, that's that. It's not that anything is wrong with me, it's just that she's looking for something, and I don't have that something. So I'm pretty fine with that, even though I've had a miniature crush on her for a couple years. Oh well! You win some, you lose some. There are plenty more fish in the sea.
Hmmm. I guess there's someone else I'm interested in, but that one has yet to play out. You know, after what happened with Taylor and after my recent Mountaincrest visit, I've taken it upon myself to learn to be a better person, and actually improve myself. I definitely feel like I'm doing a good job. Things that would have reduced me to tears have only slightly bothered me, but I've worked through them mentally to the point that it's comparable to a slight pin prick on your thumb. It's annoying and lightly painful, but the feeling will pass. I used to let it simmer in my head and my heart, and all it did was ruin my day and emotionally cripple me.
That being said, I'm not as... I don't know. It's hard to explain. But I mean, I feel like things with this girl are going to turn out alright. Scratch that, I know they're going to turn out okay. Obviously I really care for her, and I'd love for us to grow closer and become something more someday, even if I have to wait. However, if I'm not the one that she's interested in sharing that sort of relationship with, then I can't change that. As my friend Christine repeatedly pounds into my head when I mention her, "Worrying about it right now has absolutely no bearing on the future, and it will accomplish nothing." She's obviously very right. I'm just psyching myself out if I constantly think about her and constantly worry about what I should do if I want her to feel the same way. Because of this, I'm trying to approach it more realistically. Like I said before, I can't change anything if I'm just not the right one. As long as we can stay close friends, I honestly would be okay with that. Yeah, it would emotionally suck for a bit just because how much I care. But I'd be okay. Obviously I'd prefer to be with her, but I can't get everything I want haha. No matter what, I'll be fine. I'm a tough cookie. And for the first time on this blog, I'm going to compliment myself.
Ahem.
No matter what, I'll be fine. I mean, I am a pretty great guy. I'm obviously not saying that in a vain way, but I think I am. I'm devoted, I care a lot, and I'll go to great lengths to help the person I'm with. Obviously I tend to let the relationships get one-sided, but I'm working on that. So even if this girl doesn't want me, I'll find someone who does. But damn, I hope she does haha.
Anyway, new topic.
I've been so tired lately mostly because I've been stressing about school, I just... Don't want to go back. At the same time, I do. You know? It's weird. Instead of classes starting at 10 this semester, they start at 9. Ouch. Early bedtime for Nolan. However, I get out about an hour and a half earlier than I did last semester, so yay!
Other reason for exhaustion is I've been up late with Christine and Caleb. Christine recently got kicked out of her house by her parents because she hung up on her mom on the phone. No, I'm not exaggerating. I'm furious about it. Who in their right mind would kick their child out of the house, especially when she's getting married in 5 months?? I don't get it. So she's been staying here, and Caleb has been hanging out and going home early in the morning too.
Oh, I also built a gaming computer. I'll take pictures eventually and put them up, if I remember to blog again tomorrow haha. I have coffee with a friend tomorrow. I'm her sassy bi friend, and we enjoy making fun of white girls and their Ugg boots with leggings with Northface jackets with holiday Starbucks drinks.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
I think that's basically all I have for today... I'm exhausted. And my bed is probably warm enough! So I guess... I'll see you guys tomorrow.
Well, the one or two people who still check my blog haha. I don't post a link to Facebook unless I have one that's particularly insightful, so not many people generally read these. I think it's just nice to have a place to vent and talk about things without face-to-face judgment.
Uhhh yeah. So goodnight everyone, and have a wonderful morning when you wake up.
-Nolan
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