01/19- Early blog today.

In case you can't tell from the use of actual punctuation in my title, I'm not in a good mood. At all.
I don't know really what it is today, I've just been... Pissed the fuck off all day.

Maybe it's because I slept most of the day. I don't know. And honestly right now, I don't care either.
I'm just fed up with a lot of things. Nothing today went as I had planned it out, from getting a hold of numerous friends, to my hookah making me feel sick instead of fantastic, to my computer having issues with a couple programs.

I guess I was just exceptionally lonely today. I had lots of ideas on stuff to do the last couple days of winter break before school starts up, and none of them worked. I think it's just because everyone else was busy with their own plans. Not too busy for ME per se, I'm not that selfish. But it just sucked because the last few days everyone has been super busy and I feel left out. Oh well. School starts Tuesday, I'll have shit to do and stuff to focus on so that'll help me at least not be bored. But I do have to realize that I haven't allowed myself to be upset at all for a couple months... I've been trying to learn to power through it, and I think it's all hitting me at once. So the next couple months will most likely be some really hard ones, as they're all going to tidal wave into me. But I have no doubt I'll be fine, I just have to find out who will be willing to support me and who will push me away.

Ah... I'm in a bad mood. What can I say. But I think I'll let it happen this time. Let myself feel upset, let myself feel angry, let myself feel not positive things. I just need to let my emotions flow. Just have to let my emotions run through me and respect them, don't try to change them, and let them engulf me but not overwhelm me. That's what I've gathered from a few pictures on the Meditation subreddit.

I can't think of anything else to really say.

I'm just worn out right now, physically and emotionally. Mostly emotionally, which is draining me physically.

Let's talk about something else.
Tomorrow I get to hang out with my friend Ashley! I'm very excited. We're going to go to the CSU gym a few times each week (in theory). It'll feel great to actually work out a bit. We're gonna get super hot swimsuit-ready bodies in time for summer, assuming I actually join in. Which I really want to. I gotta drop a tiny bit of chubby and gain a lot more muscles. I think I could get myself to actually do it. I just have to make the first few times.

Uhhh...
That seems like it's it really.
I feel slightly better right now. Not worse at least. But I can already feel that I'm going to get upset later, which is okay. I'll handle it then. But right now, I'm going to go play some video games! Good night everyone, have a wonderful rest of your night and a better day tomorrow.

-Nolan