I went out with Ashley to the CSU gym and did a few things, like running on the treadmill, lifting weights, and doing a pretty killer ab workout. I loved every minute of it.
So tomorrow before class, I'm going to do the leg portion of it. She doesn't enjoy working out with someone, so it'll just be me. But I'm fine with that. Feels good to do something for once, and if I can keep this going, it'll be fantastic. I'm going to at least try to run a mile every day, and do the other stuff if I can. But the mile run for sure daily.
Alright, I need to vent so if that doesn't seem exciting feel free to skip to the end.
So I've been feeling lonely, right? I think it's just because a large portion of my friends have either a) someone they're with or b) someone they're interested in whom they get to see on a regular basis. Whereas I have the latter, but I don't get to see her too often. Obviously she has a life and lots of other busy things to do, which I get! Not everyone has as much free time and lack of social life as I do. I just have to drop the expectation of seeing her every few days, and I'll be fine. We do talk a little bit daily, which is nice. To me, it seems that I'm just expecting too much from her. And the more I get my hopes up, the more it'll hurt if I get let down, so I need to teach myself to not my hopes up so high. Not just about this, either. Pretty much in every area of my life I need to keep my expectations realistic. When I get that down, I'm sure I'll feel better about it. And plus, girls aren't really attracted to overly hopeful guys who get obsessive, which, to be honest, I've been in the past, particularly... with... her... BUT I'm looking to change that! I want to be mature about my feelings for someone for the first time in my life. It may hurt more if it's not what I'm hoping for, but that's to be expected. If I'm mature about it, I can put up with the disappointment and deal with it in a healthy way. So... Yeah. I'm working hard to be more mature, realistic, and not get my hopes up ridiculously high over what could be nothing. Does that make sense? I hope it does. I'm just looking for a non-biased place to put my feelings, since I don't get the chance to say a lot of the things I want to say to various peoples' faces. And since I don't get comments and my blog doesn't automatically respond with me, putting my feelings to a non-responsive audience will do for me. I just... Ugh. I don't know. I'm a little too hopeful about this situation for my own comfort, and I'm trying to grow stronger in this for me, and not just for her. I don't want to change myself entirely for someone else, because if they ever leave, I'll slump back into my own ways. So if I can learn to be realistic but still feel the depth of my feelings and use them appropriately, I'll do far better with relationships in general, romantic and not. She's important to me, you know? And even if I can't be with her as I've always wanted, I can at least be here for her when she needs a shoulder to cry on or someone to celebrate with. Sigh. There's just a lot in my head right now, and it's all getting muddled. I'm just making sure I don't miss anything that I'm comfortable sharing. I think that's really it. Gotta stay realistic but keep the depth of my feelings. That won't necessarily make her be interested in me, but it'll certainly be a massive confidence boost for myself, which is more what I'm interested in right now. The more confident and secure in myself I am, the more comfortable I'll be pursuing someone! I think it's weird that I haven't said any of this to her. But since she reads my blog... Well she can see it anyway. If you're reading this... Hi. Also I have something to tell you so talk to me soon! And we better play Dante's Inferno sometime soon. I figure, if she wants to talk to me about something I've said, she will. But that's her action, not mine. My job is to be her friend. Her friend that makes uncomfortably large amounts of stupid pickup lines and flirts in a really stupid way since I never really learned how to flirt so I have no idea what I'm doing. BUT ANYWAY. Yeah... I'm done. Onward and upward.
Okay done venting. You can read again.
Video games! You know, I originally wanted to make this a video game blog but never did. I'll try to cover a little bit about games I'm playing though, just to keep you super-excited and interested. To start, here's my Steam library.
I have a modest amount of games. Not nearly as much as some people, but still. I just haven't been in a gaming mood lately. But I've played a decent amount of Battlefield: Bad Company 2, Planetside 2, Bioshock Infinite, Far Cry 3 (Which I'm gonna finish after my shower), and Need For Speed Shift 2. I don't have anything really to say about them... I dunno. I'm just kind of stalling so not all of the blog will be about my lame emotions. Sooooooo...
Birthday is next week! I'm going to get (hopefully) not trashed, but slightly drunk. I don't even know what kind of drunk I am, so I'm looking forward to it. Caleb and Christine are going to be with me so I know I'll be safe, and I think it'll be a great night. I'm still deciding what drinks I'll get. Probably just fruity alcohol because I like fruity stuff [laughs loudly]. Okay not too loudly. Settle down. Well it just occurred to me that I haven't showered since I got back from the gym, soooooo I'm gonna get that done.
Talk to you later folks,
-Nolan
No comments:
Post a Comment