01/27- WELL then. Today...

Was an absolute travesty, not gonna lie. Worst day I've had in a long, long time.
However, it started out pretty great. It snowed a metric butt-ton, which wasn't cool, so my mom let me borrow her car and driving up there was kinda sucky, and walking to the gym was even worse.

I managed to run a mile in just under 10 minutes, and did a good amount of arm workouts, though I forgot to grab the weights and do some curls, but I'll get that done next arm day. Tomorrow is leg day, woooooohoo.

After working out, I went to class. Class was alright, not super exciting. I ended up being late for my second and third class, purely because the roads were so bad and I have to drive on and off campus within 10 minutes or so. So that sucked. While I was headed home, I slid a couple times and rammed into the curb, which was the icing on the shit cake that my day had been so far. When I got home, I started doing math homework, but it pissed me off and upset me so much that I started to have a panic attack, at which point I had a distressing conversation with a friend and started actually missing someone I shouldn't miss, pushed one of my best friends away from me mid-panic attack, then spent the next couple of hours wallowing in depression, so I followed one of my coping methods and simply took a nap so I didn't have to deal with it. I woke up and finished most of the math homework and had a nice long conversation with Ashley about my day and what I was feeling, and the best phrase I heard her say was "Well maybe she's not the one who'd make your TiMER beep." Which was actually something I needed to hear at that point. I'm just trying to learn to give people their space when they ask me to, which is difficult simply because whenever someone had asked me that, it generally meant they didn't want me around them at all because I was turning into a nuisance. Obviously that's not always the case, it's just a mental barricade I have to overcome so I can learn to leave people to themselves when they ask me to, otherwise I just get clingy and obnoxious, which kinda ruins any chances with them. So I'm learning at least.

Lizzi had a particularly inspiring status today;

"Hope is not enough. If you want something, get it.
Take the steps to reach your goals. Don't wait for the "what if".
If you're sad, change the scenery.
If you're happy, work harder to make yourself happier.
No race was ever won by standing still.
If someone hurts you, cut them out of your life.
There's someone better.
If someone makes you happy, do everything you can to return the favor.
There's over 7 billion people in the world, and they all have something amazing to offer you. Don't waste your limited time being brought down by a few, when there's so much opportunity for more."

And then posted this for reference, and that kind of gave me a moment to sit back and think of how often I put my hopes and efforts into a select few people, be it romantically or not.

After talking with her, I felt a little better. We both vented about some stuff that had happened lately, and it felt good to have someone to talk to, as I kind of... Chased off... Everyone else today. She seems to be the only one who wasn't nervous or anything about my emotional state. It was refreshing.

Well I think that's really it. I have to take my meds and get some sleep if I'm going to be up in time to go work out and actually find parking. And also apologize to the people I pushed away. So I'm off to do that... Night night everyone.

With love,
-Nolan