Very, very lazy. I mean, I don't have my first class all this week, so I can delay my waking up by an extra hour. I still got up and worked out, which was good. I noticed some improvement in terms of how much I consider easier to use as resistance on the machines, and I actually saw some muscle definition. Not much, but enough to give me a confidence boost. I worked out, went to class, and came home. When I came home, I got some studying done, along with some cleaning, then basically played League of Legends online with Lizzi and some of her friends for the rest of the evening. Like, from 4 until about 30 minutes ago. So I had some last-minute math to finish, but hey, I still got it done.
I think I'm doing really well mentally and emotionally. I mean, you all know that the whole thing with that girl I'm interested in is kinda at a stalemate right now, so there's not much I can do except occasionally overthink things. But Christine told me multiple times that if there's literally nothing I can do, then I have no reason to freak out over it, which took me a while to understand. If I have no control over something, then I really shouldn't freak out or stress over it, considering it can either go the way I'd prefer, another way. But either way, I'll live with it. It's life, it has ups and downs. I need to learn to accept the changes in my life, whether they be positive or negative, the ones I want or the ones I don't want. You know? I just... I don't know. It's hard to explain. We all know how I want this situation to go, but it might not turn out that way. But if it doesn't, I'll still have become a healthier person over the past few months, and I'll continue to become healthier. Yeahhh, having someone special to me is something I love, and I'd have her on my team. I don't want a relationship like the last one I had. I want someone who's insanely independent and can do fine without someone on her arm, but chooses to allow me to be there because she wants me there. I want an equal, someone I can share my experiences with and just... Be friends but more than friends. I have no idea how to describe it. A girlfriend who's my best friend is what I'm thinking. Butttttttt if I can't, that's the way it's supposed to be. I can't force something that isn't meant to be. I've tried that, and it didn't go so well. So I'd rather be heartbroken for a few weeks than make a bad move and be broken for months on end. Does that make sense? I hope it does.
Sooooo what else... I'm really tired and I should sleep, but something is telling me to keep blogging. I don't know. It's weird. I guess I should bring a notepad with me to the gym and start writing down the resistances that I use on the machines so I can see some improvement in a more definite form, as opposed to just remembering which resistances I use. I'm starting to use the machines that are meant for ab workouts too, and I can feel them working. And it hurts so good. I never thought I'd come to love the soreness after a workout, but apparently I have.
Alright, I think that's it. It's sleepy time. I gotta be up in a little under 8 hours to get a good workout in along with taking a math test. Woo. Sleep well everybody.
Love,
-Nolan
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