Hmmm. Up early.. This blog is about FEELINGS. And such. Good morning, world!

Let's see....

Tonight was... Absolutely fantastic.
I had an amazing time.

I'm feeling.. A lot of different emotions.
But for the first time in a long time... They're mostly positive!
I mean, pretty much 85% positive!

Happiness, hope, excitement, attraction, interest, joy, and a little bit of disappointment, but.. Well, it's a small amount of disappointment in myself, but.. It's not to the point that I'm beating myself up.
Just a little.. Eh, could have done that better.

Basically, I hung out with.. 2 people I had never really met and 1 friend I knew pretty well. And..
It was amazing. It was awesome!

For those of you who actually know me, you probably know at least a little bit that.. I don't make friends easily.
I give off that vibe. I mean, I'm easy to talk to (so I'm told), and... Well, I find it easy to just pick up a conversation with people.
But tonight, it was.. It was more than just talking to them. I really....
Well, I had a fantastic time with them.

I mean, I don't really... Do... Anything........ Ever.
My weekends consist of playing video games and watching Netflix.
That's not a bad thing! I really love hanging out with my guy friends too!

I'm just.. Well, tonight was different. It was awesome.
Driving around, going to Wal-Mart at 3:00 am, walking around, hanging out in a park, finding a sketch tunnel and walking through it while being paranoid that a ghost or serial killer is right behind us...

It's stuff I don't really do! I don't really get out of the house much.
I really don't!
Which.. Well, now that I know there are things to do outside, I think I'm going to try and do more stuff.
Granted, the people I was with tonight are pretty much the only friends that I think would do that kind of stuff.. I hope I get to see more of them.

In particular, one of them. Who is a female. That.. I am interested in. So, hopefully, we get to hang out more.

I guess... Well, I had fun in a way that I've never had before. Ever.
In my entire life, I've never had fun like I did tonight.
It.. Was absolutely awesome.

I got a new environment, new friends...
Yeah.

I had a truly amazing night.

Sigh.

Please note, that 'sigh' right there? Right above this line?

The first happy sigh I've ever written on a blog! Woo!
It's a sigh of contentment.
And a little apprehension, and a little.. Hope? "Looking-forward-to" -ness?
The thing is, that hope might.. Be completely misplaced.
That's the only negative thing I'm feeling. I have hope like I've never had, but.....
Well, the hope could all be for nothing.

But that's not how I should think.
If I expect the worst, if I don't really.. Go for it, I'll end up disappointed.
I can't live just.. Assuming the worst will happen.
Granted, I've lived that way.. Most of my life. But....
I mean, tonight.. It might be the only night I feel this way.
This could be a one-time thing.
But I shouldn't think that way!

Hmph.
I'm a pessimist. Let's be honest. You read my blogs, you've seen how I write, the things I feel.
I'm a pessimist. Die-hard. I really don't.. Look at the positives.
Ever.
But.. Tonight, I'm going to try.. And change that. A little at a time.

So.. Let's look at this!

1. I had a great time.
2. It was fun.
3. I felt fantastic.
4. I had fun in a way I've never had before.
5. I made 2 new friends.
6. I got to do fun stuff that I've never done before.
7. I look forward to hanging out with them again.
8. I have.. Hope.

Lots of positives!
Negatives?

1. I'm a little disappointed in myself.
2. I learned I need to be more confident.
3. I learned I need to stop second-guessing myself.
4. I'm apprehensive because.. I'm worried this happiness will end, that my hopes will... Fall.

However, look at those numbers!

2x more positives than negatives!

And.. 2 of those negatives were me learning something.

So.. Tonight couldn't have been all bad.

I absolutely loved it.

I suppose the apprehension is.. Well, I had an amazing time. And.. I want it to happen again.
So badly. So so badly.

I want to have another night like this. Another night fun, fantastic, silly, interesting, exciting, funny..

I want it to happen again.

And I don't want my hopes to crash down around me.

However!

I'm going to.. Well, I'm going to try to keep myself positive.

Yes, every single time I say that, I end up failing the next day.

This one.. 

Well I feel like this one will work.

Why?
Because this week, consistently.. I've been feeling positive.

I have had.. A few very, very, very rough nights.

But I have been able to smile, to be positive.

So, I'm hoping I'm able to hold onto this feeling.

Goodness me.. There's a lot of hoping going on tonight.

Hope to see them again,

Hope to especially see her again,

Hope to have fun again,

Hope that.. this time will be different,

Hope that I'm... worth pursuing,

Hope to hang onto this positive feeling,

Hope that things will turn out well.

There are a few more "hopes" in there, but.. Well, they'll just turn into me being..

Hahaha, well, they'd turn into me freaking out about a girl, and how nervous I am around her, how worried I am about what she thinks of me, how much I want to be interesting to her, how worried I am that I'll do something stupid, how badly I want her attention....

I could go on endlessly on how worried I get when I'm interested in a girl. Seriously.

I could talk about this for a looooooong time.

However, that's not really what you want to read.

Howeverhowever, this probably wasn't a very interesting post to you.

Howeverhoweverhowever, I felt like writing it!

Because it's part of my life.

And this blog is about my life.

So.............. Yup.

Hopefully this post wasn't too boring for you! If it was, too bad.

Yeah.

What else is on my mind......

That I should say.........

Not much.

So I figure I should go to bed.

Interesting fact...

If I don't take my antidepressants earlier, I can EASILY pull an all-nighter.

I mean, my medication is literally the only reason I fall asleep.

I'm completely awake right now.

Good to know for college!
Obviously it's not good to skip my meds often.. But this is the first time in a while that I haven't taken them early.

Early being... 1:00 am.

So, I just took my medication.

SOOOOO.

I'm gonna get off the computer and listen to music.

How am I feeling... 

I'm feeling...

Mostly good.

It's just that.. Nagging doubt, that apprehension, that depressing little bit that's hanging on.

That's the thing... I'm easily dragged down by just a little depression.

I'm happy!

But.. I'm also a little depressed.

Not too much.

I'm going to focus on the happy.

Sound good?
Sounds good.

So, I'm going to sleep.

Hopefully.

Good night!

Thanks for reading : )

Until next time,

-Nolan

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Top Five Songs of the Day

1. Good Life by Amber Pacific
2. Somebody's Gonna Miss Us by Amber Pacific
3. All Star by Smashmouth
4. Promise Me by Cauterize
5. Knockout ft. Nicki Minaj by Lil Wayne

Song Lyric of the Day

~Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, 

Yeah it's a good day!

And I feel my life is changing!~

-Good Life by Amber Pacific

(Short section of lyrics but.. Hey. I'm feeling it)

Video Game of the Day

Saints Row: The Third

Youtube Video of the Day

I think this is the episode with...

VOLCANO BAKEMEAT.

Hahaha. Cameron showed me this a while back.

I love it.

Picture(s) of the Day

I can't emphasize how funny I thought that line was when I first heard it.

Hahaha... It's still funny.

Q_Q

I went through the Pokemon section of Memebase for a few dozens of pages today ._.

What was your favorite starter Pokemon?