I would open with a joke, but for the life of me, I can't think of a good one.
So just pretend that I said something hilarious.
--------------------
The weather has gotten warmer!
I'm so happy about that!
I no longer dread going to work.
Sure, it wasn't hard work, but the cold and windy weather really really messed it up. It made it suck.
Time seemed to go slower and slower the colder it got.
Yesterday, work seemed to go crazy fast because it was warm.
I'm very very happy about that.
I forgot how nice the warm weather is.
It's nice not getting into a freezing car in the morning.
I quite enjoy the warm weather!
Quite a lot.
A lot lot.
It's nice.
I like it.. Yeah.
Warm weather is nice.
I'm feeling lonely today.. Really, really lonely.
It sucks.
I'm slowly losing friends, people are stopping talking to me.
People are becoming too busy just to text me.
People are moving on, finding things that they need to accomplish.
I just..
I feel so alone, so empty.
I feel like it's me against the world.
That's it.
I don't feel loved, I don't feel cared for.
I don't feel like anyone has my back.
I'm...
I'm not used to losing friends.
I mean, I'm not saying they're dying.
But.. Every single relationship I have with anyone seems to be falling apart.
I really really don't like it.
People who have told me they'd always be there for me are.. Starting not to be there at all.
People I talk to seem to lose interest in me.
I used to have friends that I could talk to about my problems, and they'd care about it.
I mean, that sounds terrible.
I'm just saying.. Well people are starting to be less compassionate, if that makes sense.
Sure, people listen to how I'm feeling.
Sure, they talk to me.
But people are starting to snap at me. They're getting frustrated with me.
My best friends are getting angry at me when I misspeak, or when I start venting.
It really hurts.
I suppose it also doesn't hurt that I'm watching all my closest friends move on and find a 'special someone'.
I thought I had a chance with this girl, but things pretty much crash landed.
Same thing happened with another girl, actually.
People lose interest in me. Especially girls.
I'm not sure why.. Am I that uninteresting? Am I that unattractive to them?
Why am I always left in the dust?
I don't know.
I'm just not in a good mood right now.
I'm tired of everything. I just want to curl up and sleep forever.
I suppose it's times like these I miss Mountaincrest.
I'm never going back there. Ever.
But..
I miss being in a place where the outside world is.. Gone.
Blocked out.
Lizzi said that in Mountaincrest, you realize that the doors are not to keep you in, but to keep the world out.
I figured that out.. She was right.
I miss being cut off from the world that hurts me. From the world that's trying to kill me.
I miss feeling protected.
I get my hopes up.
About everything.
Especially relationships.
I don't know why I even try, sometimes.
I always tell myself "This time will be different! You'll be fine!"
But I just keep lying to myself.
I sound like such a whiny hormonal bitch right now, but.. Well it's how I'm feeling.
I'm sick and tired of hoping for the best when I know the worst is what will happen.
That's why I said yesterday that my philosophy has changed.
I try to remind myself that the worst will happen, so I have to prepare myself for it.
The best rarely happens.
I'm so emotional right now, and I have no idea why.
I mean, I actually know why. I just don't want to talk about specifics on a blog post.
I don't want to go into details about what has brought me to this point today.
--------------------
"One day, someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else."
That's what my friend's Facebook status was..
It made me smile.
In the painful way.
You know?
It's what you needed to hear, but not what you wanted to hear.
I hate the idea of letting someone go and moving on.
It's hard to do that. Especially when I swore I'd constantly fight for them.
It's hard to fight for someone when you're not in their life anymore..
Sigh.
I'm feeling alone.
I don't like it.
I need to work out today.
That should help.
God.. I gained all that weight and fat for the week I was sick.
I worked so hard to lose it!
I was doing great!
And... Now it was all for nothing.
Ugh.
I need to go back to my diet and working out.
--------------------
Very heavy sigh.
I think that sigh could have broken someone's leg.
That would be pretty intense.
--------------------
Well!
I wrote all that this morning during my off hour..
It's all depressing.
I'm still not happy, but I'm feeling better.
I ate a piece of pizza, and had a homemade strawberry and banana smoothie with a scoop of chocolate ice cream in it.
The ice cream makes it taste like dessert!
It's a meal and dessert at the same time.
Like a boss.
I watched The Expendables.
Kind of an awesome movie.
It's a guy movie.
Plots are for the weak.
EXPLOSIONS. KNIFE THROWING. KUNG FU. BONE BREAKING ACTION.
It's a guy movie.
And it's got what's-his-face from the old spice commercials. It makes it just that more manly.
I've been playing Street Fighter IV a lot. I've spent some extra time watching pro matches and ranked matches to get a better handle on how to play Guy.
I'm slowly getting the hang of it.
Also, I had spare time so I made a Bloodstained skin for Guy (The one on the left).
--------------------
So hopefully I'll take the time and make more skins. It's kind of fun!
Once I get the hang of photoshop again.
I guess that's all I've done today.
Right now, I'm listening to Sick Puppies and studying for my Sociology exam tomorrow.
Shouldn't be TOO scary.
I hope.
It's a little easier to grasp than fricking biology.
I hate biology. And chemistry.
Gross.
I have a bio test on Friday..
But that means spring break is after!
Hooray!
I'm determined to at least try to look forward to spring break.
I know I don't have many plans, and I'm ready to be disappointed if I make more plans.
But at least I'll be ready for it if it ends up sucking.
I'm hoping I can at least try and hold onto an optimistic mood for a little while.
I'm trying to make myself happy, to make myself smile.
It's not working very well, but hopefully hanging out with friends will be fun.
Oh well.
Have a good evening everybody!
I will talk.. okay type to you later.
Blog to you later?
Not quite sure what to say!
Either way.. I will communicate with you readers at another time in the future!
-Nolan
--------------------
Top Five Songs of the Day
- Don't Walk Away by Sick Puppies
- We'll Be a Dream by We The Kings
- Just a Dream by Nelly
- Middle of the Night by Sherwood
- If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet? by Mayday Parade
Song Lyric of the Day
~When you hear this chorus
Do you miss the way the world was spinning for us?
Do you hurt the way that I do?
After all this time you leave me broken
This song is every word I left unspoken
When you hear this, girl, I'm hoping that you think of us
That you think of us~
-If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet? by Mayday Parade
Video Game of the Day
Super Street Fighter IV
Youtube Video of the Day
Kind of awesome. Kiryu generally throws the first round so he's able to figure out how the other player fights..
He's kind of good at this.
Picture(s) of the Day
1 comment:
Keep your head up, buddy.
Post a Comment