03/22- Erm

I don't remember what I did today. I mean, I slept in pretty late after Ben came over last night. I took a nap. I wrote the questionnaire I'm going to be using for my World Music research paper, and managed to make myself workout. I mean, I didn't go to the gym. I had my own little night with the free weights, doing chest presses, curls, squats, and different workouts with what I had. It was difficult because I have 15 and 5 pound weights... I need 10 for my lateral raises, 20 for my curls, and 25 for the presses. It kinda was weird not using what I usually use, but it worked. I'm excited to get back to the gym and kick ass. It's funny how difficult squats with 30 pounds over your shoulders are after a week of minimal working out, especially when you're used to using 40 to 50 pounds. Blah. I need to get back to the gym. I've missed it. I'm so determined to look good by summer it's not even funny. I just wish I could make myself use that same level of motivation on my school work. Sigh. I keep waiting for the motivation to kick in but it hasn't yet and it's really, really stressing me out. I mean what if it never kicks in and I do horribly? I'm hoping it doesn't come to that... But I just can't find out what I need to do to feel motivated. It's scaring me. I've just got so much to worry about that it's getting me overloaded, from the job search to the 3 research papers I have to do. Bllaaaaahhh okay I'm going to bed before I freak out or something. G'night loves.

Love,
-Nolan

03/20- Sick

I've kind of neglected blogging, as it's spring break! I've been spending my day doing absolutely nothing. I feel pretty sick, so I've been just sleeping in and watching Netflix.

So... Yeah... I'm... Bored. Everyone's busy, I have nothing to do. Oh well. I know Ben is coming over tomorrow but he's not one to drink, so... Meh. I'm slightly bummed. But that's okay.

I'm off to sleep!

Night.

-Nolan

03/17- Spring Break: Day 1

I'm quite okay with how my first official day of spring break went. I slept in a pretty good amount of time, until about noon, then headed off to the gym. Came home, and... Basically spent it relaxing, watching Netflix, playing League with friends, and that's really it. I'm still hoping I hear back from Kohl's, because I desperately want that job.

Tomorrow I have leg day at the gym, dinner with Lizzi at Qdoba, and that's as far as I have planned so far. Wednesday I have lunch with Alicia assuming she doesn't work, and the next two days I'm going to try and get some of my research papers done.

So... That's really it. I'm going to go play some... I don't know yet. I was going to buy a Steam game but my payment failed so I gotta fix it to make sure the info is correct, then hit the hay.

Adios!

-Nolan

03/16- My body is not cooperating with me.

Sooooo this was an interesting weekend. Friday night, I had Ben over and we played lots of video games and such. Then the next night I had a couple more friends over, and I consumed... Copious amounts of alcohol. I wasn't like, blackout-shitfaced drunk, but I was pretty drunk. I remember what happened and stuff, but I also remember that I was having issues walking up and down the stairs and completing my sentences. My words were all slurred and stuff. Also! I now know the kind of drunk I am. I'm the laughing one. Because I apparently kept laughing at the stupidest thing and my friend said she felt like she was actually funny because I laughed at all her jokes. I also threw up three times at the end of the night, but I think that's just because I drank it so fast, so if I pace myself, I might do better next time.

And because of that, I had my first hangover today! Super fun! The light hurt my eyes, anything loud gave me a bigger headache, I was dizzy, and had trouble keeping food down. But ironically, I enjoyed everything .It was my first time being that drunk. We spent the day watching movies, sleeping, and eating unhealthy food.

Tomorrow, I get to find out if I got the job, or by Tuesday. I plan on going to the gym and I'm pretty pumped for it. And since I don't have classes, I don't have a time limit on how long I have there, which means I can fit all my exercises in.

Let's see... I think that's really it. I have nothing else to say, I'm pretty done! No deep thoughts, no exciting ideas, no venting, either. I'm pretty damn tired and my head still hurts and I feel mentally fuzzy, so I'll most likely go pass out soon after watching some Pokemon.

So... Yeah. I think I'm done. Good night!

-Nolan

03/13- Uh I dunno

I don't know. I've been upset all day and I have no idea why. It sucks. 1/3 of my math test was SHIT because he told us we didn't need to know anything about our last chapter for this test but surprise we had 1/3 of the test over the last chapter so I really don't think I did well on that. After that I basically came home and studied for my neuro cognitive science test and played lots of Titanfall and League. That's it. And tomorrow I have my interview that I'm very nervous about. But a friend is coming over later that night so that's good. I plan to get drunk tomorrow just because... I don't know. I just kinda want to feel something new, cause I'm awfully bored with life at the moment. Wish me luck on that interview,

Love,
-Nolan

03/11- Sorry I've been busy!

I've had Christine and Caleb over for a few days so I haven't felt like blogging.

How was today...

Well it kinda sucked. Not for any particular reason, I was just... Down all day. And it sucked. I wanted to be happy and smiley and do fun stuff but I just... Couldn't. Workout went well, and I got a 100% on my math test, but I just felt like something was missing all day and couldn't really get in a good mood, you know? I just felt like I had some sort of cloud over me all day and couldn't shake it. Nothing really... Happened, either. It was an all-around boring day. I worked out, I came home (didn't go to class because I like reviewing for a test alone as opposed to in a class), took a nap, studied and finished off all the Archer that's on Netflix, and... Yeah. That's it.

So... I don't know! I think that's all I have for you folks. I'm probably going to go to bed now, cause I gotta be up at 6:30 again tomorrow. At least it's arms, shoulders and abs day tomorrow. I feel guilty after eating oreos and ramen tonight. I mean, I had my rice and chicken, but still. I wanted to eat something fat because I was just... I don't know. It's hard to explain. I'm just feeling like I don't have that many people I can trust to be 100% honest with me right now, which is frustrating. But it happens, so oh well.

I'm craving hookah.
I think if it's warm tomorrow I'll have some before tutoring. Nighty night!

Love,
-Nolan

03/07- I am soorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre.

Today was actually pretty good! I'm impressed.

I didn't get an early workout because I didn't feel up to it after staying up late with Caleb and Christine last night. So I got up, went to class, blah blah... Last class was canceled! So I decided to go and work out for a long time. I added some new lifting exercises with free weights and barbell squats. Well the squats are leg day but I added them yesterday. It was great. I am very sore from it.

After that, I went home and played League with Josh and Lizzi for a good 4 or more hours, and it was great. We had a lot of fun and I loved it. Playing with them is just so much fun, I try not to play alone anymore unless I have to, just cause it's so much more fun with a team on Skype.

In recent news, I PREORDERED DARK SOULS II AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. APRIL 25TH.

I bought Lego Marvel Super Heroes today, annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd I can tell I'm going to spend lots of time unlocking all 180 characters. Hopefully. And it's split screen so people can play with me if they're there!

Uhhhhhh yeah. That's it.

Christine and Caleb are coming over tomorrow, and I bought them a game so we can all play it! Exciting.

Nighty night.

Love,
-Nolan

03/05- Ah today was... Eventful.

Today actually was!
Starting with my workout. I decided to start adding actual lifting into my upper body days, even if it's simple stuff like barbells and lat pulldowns. I mean, for the first time since I started, my chest is sore after chest and back day. Like pretty sore. I do the machines that I usually do, I just added another lat machine, and I did 3x10 presses with 20 pound barbells on an inclined bench, flat bench, and declined bench. So hopefully I can get some chest definition now. I still need to start using the large weights, but that's for another time.

After that I had class, blah blah blah, then had an interview at Chick-fil-A! It went great, and I got the job. But I have an interview with Kohl's next week, so I told the CFA guy that I wanted to wait because I "was going to be out of town and unable to get back to him yet." I'm really really really really really hoping I get the job at Kohl's. I'd kill to work in retail with clothing and get a discount on clothes. I'd get to spend my day around fashion, and I would look forward to that. So here's hoping I can get that one.

Yeah... That's it. I have major feels right now. Standard-issue feeling alone and ignored stuff, and missing Frankie because she's in the hospital still.

I just want to feel wanted by someone. Not even in a romantic way. In a friendly way would be just fine with me. But I'm losing friends and the friends I have are slowly losing contact with me and it's getting frustrating. I miss when people would want to stay up late talking to me. When people would actually tell me about their day. I don't know what's been happening but I think my friends are outgrowing me. But that's their problem, right? If they don't want to be around me, that's their choice. It just means they're not the ones who will be showing up to my wedding in the future. So I just have to accept that people will grow apart except for a select few, and to hold those few closer than the others.

Yeah.
I don't know.

I'm pissed off, frustrated, upset, and lonely all at the same time. I don't like it and it's getting on my nerves that I'm affected by something so fucking small, you know? It's okay though. Just keep breathing and working out and I'll be fine. I'm going to go to sleep now before I get feeling worse! Nighty night folks.

Love,
-Nolan

03/04- Today was okay.

My workout was kickass and felt great, and I upped a little weight on a couple machines, so that was fun. After that I had class which was boring as helllll then went home. My puppy Frankie is in the hospital, and that's why today wasn't great. I spent the evening playing League and reading up for a quiz tomorrow. I have an interview for Chick-Fil-A tomorrow which is... A job. So that's good. Not super excited but it makes money!

I'm off to shower and shave then head to sleep.

Nighty night.

-Nolan

03/03- Welllllllllllllllp

What's up? I'm bored. I think I'm going to play some Dark Souls before bed. Try and level up my PvP character. Got nothin better to doooooooooooo.

So how was my day...
Went to work out, went to class, dropped by Wal-Mart and picked up some rice and such for dinner, then came home and watched Pokemon and did absolutely nothing all evening. I studied for a lil bit and applied to another job but that's it. Lots of League tonight. Been playing Nidalee top and support Karma all evening.

So it's been fun. I enjoy it. Thanks to Lizzi and Caleb I've been playing it constantly, so I'm basically re-addicted to it.

I don't really know what else to say, I'm kinda bored. And sleepy. So I'm going to go play Dark Souls then head to bed. Night night.

Love,
-Nolan

03/2- Hmmm.

Whattttttt did I do today. Hmmm.

Nottttttt much. I mean, I woke up and slept again. Played some League and other various games.

Throughout the evening, I invited 4 or 5 friends to play some League with me, and... Well, all of them ignored me and went straight into another game. Except one person whoa actually hit the "decline" button, which I actually prefer. I mean, if you're going to ignore me, it just feels like you don't think I'm worth the time to hit one little button. At least if you hit the decline thing, I can see that you actually contemplated playing with me, then hit no because you don't feel like playing with me. I understand that.

So yeah. I wrote in my venting journal a little bit about a lot, which was nice.

My computer has been pissing me off. The graphics card is freaking out and occasionally shutting off. And it's not the card's fault so it's not broken, and I can't RMA it. So I think it's something else.

I don't know everything is bothering meeeeeeeee and getting on my nerves. I need to get to the gym. I'll go tomorrow morning.

In that case, I do believe it's bed time. So I'm off to sleep. Good night.

Love,
-Nolan

03/01- I was spectacularly lazy. Also it snowed.

Yeah, it snowed. It kinda bums me out. I don't like the snow as much anymore, it's getting obnoxious! I like the warm weather.

Today, I was... Very, very lazy. I slept in late (11ish), woke up and played lots of video games,

And...

That's literally it. I also took a nap. And ate brown rice and chicken with chopped-up peppers in it while I watched POKEMON WHICH IS NOW ON NETFLIX.

And...
Yeah...

I'm not feeling great right now. I'm emotionally blah and easily upset and I need to go to the gym but the roads are nasty so I'm waiting until Monday.

And plus a song on Pandora just came on that I used to listen to with my last girlfriend came on, so... Yeah. I'm just kinda eh. And yet I haven't changed the song. It's not that I miss her, it's that I miss what I had with someone. Aside from the stress I had from her, I mean. Annnnd now I'm really lonely.

Fuck.

I want to meet someone sometime soon, you know? I just want someone to care for who will treat me like a damn equal. It's just hard to find someone who has all the interests I do. I can't imagine meeting anyone who loves cars, video games, and the same type of movies and music I do. I honestly can't imagine what it would be like to meet a cute girl who has those interests anymore. It's annoying me right now. It usually doesn't, but when I'm already down it kind of compounds on whatever I'm feeling and just makes me feel like more shit.

I kind of want to vent but I don't know what to say really. It's not that I'm depressed, it's just than I'm frustrated and lonely at the same time, and I can't really make myself meet someone faster. I can meet people at parties and stuff, but there's no guarantee my next date will be there, right? I'm better off waiting till summer when I: a) Will have a hotter body and: b) Won't have school to stress about.

Oh well. I mean, I have the gym to look forward 6 (usually) days out of the week, and I'm pretty damn proud of myself for going so often. On top of that, I handled that last attempt at a relationship very well, and I've been doing pretty well, actually. It's just that some nights I feel awfully lonely. So I think I'm doing very well. Yay me!

Alright.

I'm off to play more games then hit the hay.

Adios,

-Nolan