Monday, December 31, 2012

12/31- Woo New Years!

Well today was good, and.. Well now it's January 1st.
But anyway.

December 31st was good.

Hung out, cleaned my room, then headed to Brynn's house!

Delicious food, and her parent's like me.
After eating, I volunteered to wash the dishes.
But they were fine china, so I just scrubbed it all down and rinsed it, then her mom actually washed them.

Then we watched the Avengers!
Good movie.
Like the 5th time I've seen it or something.

Well, that's it for now.

Gonna game a bit then head to sleep.

Yay! My birthday party is today!

-Nolan

Sunday, December 30, 2012

12/30- Christmas celebration!

Celebrated Christmas today, was quite grand.
Got some new shirts, a subscription to GQ, and some money for shopping!
So I went and bought this headset.



Pretty awesome, I really like it.

Next on my list is one of these.



I'm really really excited to get one.
Hopefully I'll have the money after saving everything else I get.

Uhhh...

That's basically my day..

Oh!
When I was at Best Buy picking up the headset, I ran into Brynn and her mom!

And her mom invited me to their house for New Years!
So I finally have plans for New Years! Going to Brynn's house to get some food and hang out with the family and various friends.
Yay!

That's.. Pretty much it.

Well, I'm off to go.. I don't know. Do stuff until I fall asleep.

-Nolan

12/29- Ready for Christmas!

Yayyyy we're celebrating Christmas tomorrow!

Today, I cleaned a little, wrapped and finished off presents, and played some Street Fighter.

All around, decent day.

Been playing with a friend from Reddit a lot, we're working through characters and deciding who we want to play.

I've decided on Vega as my main, not dropping him ever.
Chun-Li is next,

And the third slot is being chosen.
Rose was.. Iffy. Fun, but iffy.

So I've decided on Makoto for now.
Crazy character.
High-risk, but high reward.

Ya know.
That stuff.

I'm off to play a bit, then play some Mario Kart, then bed.

Night!

-Nolan

Saturday, December 29, 2012

12/28- I accomplished a few things today..

I'm getting better at actually accomplishing things.

I woke up, ate some cereal, gamed a bit, then packed up and cleaned up a corner of my room.
Granted, it's still got stuff in the area, but it's stuff I just am going to re-organize.

I also finished off // got started on the last bits of christmas presents for my family.

Uhhh..
Oh! I played a few hours of Street Fighter with my friends again, that was really fun.

Now, I'm going to play some Mario Kart and get ready for bed.

Adios!

-Nolan

Thursday, December 27, 2012

12/27- I have a 3DS now!

Hooray!

I sold my PSP to Caleb, though I'll be getting the money in a few weeks.

I love my 3DS! It's great!

It's got Netflix too.
Crazy.

I'm waiting till I get money so I can get some games.

It came with Mario Kart 7, which is fantastic.
It has rekindled my love of Mario Kart.

Hmm....

I did some browsing for Christmas presents.

We're exchanging gifts and such on the 30th, so I have a couple more days.

I also went to the hookah bar with Cooper and Bethany! It was fantastic.

SO.. Yeah..

Night!

-Nolan

12/26- I forgot to blog! Also, my heart is particularly active right now.

This is the first time in a long time that i legitimately forgot to blog.
I climbed into bed, got comfy, and actually closed my eyes, then sat up and realized I forgot to blog!

I actually said out loud "Aw HELL naww!"
And got up, clicked my laptop off of sleep, sat up, took a drink of water, and put on "Toes" by Lights.

That seems to be my "go to" song when I'm... I don't even know.
When I'm feeling slightly upset, slightly happy, and a little bit confused.



I just adore this song.
And this girl.
She's a phenomenal singer.

Obviously one of my favorites, because she's pretty damn awesome.

Let's see... Today..

Woke up, actually cleaned up my room and gathered some clothes and hung them back in my closet.

I mean, for a solid hour, I actually did something.
Weird.

Then I was pretty pumped, because my Turtle Beach headset arrived!!!

And within the first 15 minutes, I had to go return them because of an obnoxious buzzing and high-pitched whine was going on, and wouldn't stop.

I was.. Pissed off, to say the least.
But I got to Best Buy, walked around, looked at other headsets, and got to play "Best Buy Employee" for a little bit.

I was looking through headsets, and a woman asked an employee some stuff about them, and he didn't know.

I promptly answered her question, and a few more.
I helped her decide, and she walked off.
Then within a few minutes, I found her again and showed her another headset that I thought would fit well.
However, she had already looked at it, and decided to get the other.

But hey, I got thanked profusely and introduced to the other woman she was shopping with.

Yay! Brownie points!

And helped another couple and answered questions about the headsets.
Anyway.

Got home, bummed out.
Sat around, did nothing..

Got the idea of selling my PSP and everything, and buying a 3DS!

I figured, the only reason I play on my PSP is for Monster Hunter and Blaz Blue.
And the 3DS has the newest Monster Hunter coming out within a year, and Ian already has a 3DS, and Aaron is getting one.

So, I'm gonna pick one up so I can actually play Monster Hunter with other people!

I have around 200 hours on the other one.. But none is co-op.

I'm not complaining, great game!
I just figured it'd be more fun to play some co-op.

So I gathered everything up, cleaned it up, formatted it, grabbed games, cases, chargers, and headed off to Gamestop to see what they would pay.

Now, online, the PSP itself was going for 100-150 dollars.

I got to Gamestop, unloaded everything, and waited for him to ring it up.

PSP 3000 in fantastic condition,
Hard case,
Soft outer case,
8 GB memory stick,
2 games.

And he was going to give me a whopping...

52 dollars.

But 42 cash.

I asked "Wait, 152?"

"No, 52. Would you like that in credit or cash?"

I promptly laughed and said "Nah, I think I'll take it home. The PSP itself goes for maybe 100 dollars. Thanks though!"

He genuinely looked confused why I wasn't going for that deal.

Seriously.
Gamestop is good for 2 things;

Selling old games you don't want that you know wouldn't sell on eBay or anything,
Pre-order bonuses,
And making purchases under 20 dollars.
That's it.

But offering me 52 dollars for something that can go for maybe 175.. That's a new low.
I lost more respect.
Anyway.

Uhhh..
So I went home and put my stuff up on Craigslist.
Caleb might buy the PSP, might not.
I'm not sure.
I have yet to get Christmas presents and money, so that will make it easier to get the 3DS.

Game system comes first, then the headset.
I can live with my dinky little Xbox headset for now.
I only really use it for Street Fighter anyway.

I picked up Sniper: Ghost Warrior on Steam because.. Dude. 2 dollars for a decent game?
I'm good with that.

I want to get MW3 soon, because I miss having an online shooter.
Yeah, I give Call of Duty shit all the time, but it sells for a reason.
It's a fun game.
Granted, each one is just the same thing with new guns and maps, but at least it's something to play.

Then on top of that, I have to get Resident Evil 5 to play with Geoff.
And Sniper Elite V2 also is on my list, because even on the highest difficulty, Sniper: GW is way too easy.
No bullet drop!
Or wind resistances or anything.

--------------------

So that's my day.
Now for the little part where I... Don't talk about my day.

I feel like.. I don't know.
I'm not seeing the excitement in blogging right now.

I mean, I won't stop, because it's pretty much second nature now, and I do it to talk about my day anyway.

I'm getting from anywhere between 20 to 50 blog views a day, but I need to remind myself that my daily blogs are getting less than 5 views.

So to you, dedicated viewer, thanks.
I think I've said that exact same line before.
Doesn't matter!
Said it again!

Something I've realized for a while now, but never actually mentioned, is that after 2 AM, I'm different.
My filter is kind of turned off, and you'll really get to hear the things that are really on my mind.

It's when I'm the most excited, when I'm the most heartbroken, when I'm the most romantic, when I'm the happiest, when I'm the most depressed, when I'm the most caring, when I'm the most confused.

After 2, I'm every mood possible.

Take right now, for example.
I'm kind of happy because I realized that I'm starting to barely kind of maybe heal from a bunch of shit that went down this year.
I mean, it's gonna be a while before I'm back to me, but.. I'll take the small victories where I can.

And dear god, I'm feeling overly cute and romantic.

I want to love.
After seeing Aaron and Steph get married..

I want love, I want that someone, I want to find the person that I'll spend my life waking up next to, I want someone to hold my heart.

And now I'm tearing up, because of all that stuff I just said.
I just want my heart to go somewhere besides just sitting and falling apart in my chest every day.

For the first time in a long time, I can honestly say that I have a crush on someone.
Not love, not just attracted to, a real crush, something from junior high.

Now, when I wake up, I'm going to just remind myself to not look at this blog, because I'll want to change it.
I don't confess things much, but I guess that's a little confession or 2 that I just put on here.

I'm getting dizzy and confused, and overly fascinated with this music video.


God, she's gorgeous.
Add her to my list of celebrity crushes.

I'm so damn romantic and... Weird when I'm like this!
Seriously!
I'm feeling obsessed with beauty right now.

Aaaaaaaah.

I'm also feeling... Caring. And friendly.

I need to send some messages to some people on Facebook.
I feel like they might need a little smiley face in their inbox.
Maybe it'll make waking up a little more bearable for them.

I'm dizzy and confused.

Part of that may be that I just took 2 heavy anti-psychotic//antidepressant//mood stabilizers.

That never really affected me because all I thought is it got me tired.
Until a while ago when I realized how loopy it actually makes me.
It's kind of fun.

Okay, I need to sleep.
The moonlight is streaming into my room right now, and it's beautiful.

I'm going to go to sleep with my window open, so I can at least stare at the moon for a few minutes before I pass out.

And plus, the sunlight will hit me in the face this morning, so I'll wake up easier.

Well damn, this blog was much much longer than I expected it to be.

See? Goes to show that I'm more open to talking past 1AM, especially after I've taken my meds.

Ah well.

Good night//good morning, etc etc.

-Nolan


Tuesday, December 25, 2012

12/25- It was Christmas!

The title is true!

Today was Christmas.

We had a very nice Indian-styled brunch-type thing.
Indian as in.. India. Curry. And such.

Then we basically just hung around the house the rest of the day.
Dad and I watched Godzilla.
The new-ish one.
With Matthew Broderick.

Uh... Yeah.
That's my day.

A couple of friends from Reddit and I have been playing Street Fighter for a few hours.
Really fun!

Tomorrow, my headset may arrive!
 Hopefully.

Ah well.

Good night!

-Nolan

Monday, December 24, 2012

12/24- Christmas Eve!

It's Christmas Eve!

Hooray!

Uh...
Today, Jessi and I hung out!

We exchanged our presents!
She got me a Hot Wheels!
A good one too!

Ken Block's Ford Fiesta!
I'd take a picture, but I don't have a camera.
It's awesome!

She chose well.

What else did I do..
Uhhh...

I feel sick. It sucks.
I've been laying down a lot.
Sitting up proved too stressful on my stomach.

So I'm watching Hunger Games right now.



Ta-da!

She's one of my celebrity crushes.



He's the other one.

He's older now, but still quite attractive.
In a Tim Burton-y way.

Jennifer Lawrence is one of my top 5 favorite actresses.

Well, I'm gonna go play some Street Fighter, maybe some Dota 2.
Not sure.

Night!

Oh, Merry Christmas!

-Nolan

12/23- Shopping with the sister!

So today, Emily and I went Christmas shopping!
It was fun.

We got some good stuff, and did some talking about literature, grades, girls, etc..

It was a good night.

Now, Dane and I are playing some Street Fighter!

Good night!

-Nolan

Saturday, December 22, 2012

2/22- I slept today. A lot.

It's true!

I slept today.

A lot.

That's pretty much my entire day..

Slept until 1:30, then went to my room, fell asleep at 2, then slept until 6.

Sadly, this means I'm very awake right now so I won't fall asleep soon.

Dad and I watched the new Resident Evil movie!

I loved it.

But my main complaint..

They should have called it something else, then said "Inspired by the Resident Evil franchise," rather than labeling it as something that Capcom made.

It's a great movie, but it wreaks havoc with the characters and plots.
And viruses.

I mean, I get that they added a whole new character (Alice), but they didn't need to completely mess with the rest of it..

Yeah. Say "Inspired by," and I'd be much happier with it.

Oh well.

Night!

-Nolan

12/21- Orcs Must Die!

Well, I stayed at home today.

I went out and bought a wireless keyboard and mouse!

I also bought a refurbished headset off from Best Buy.
It's a set that's normally $99.99, but I got it for $39.99.

It should be here on the 26th.

I'm excited!

Ian came over, and we totally just kicked ass on Orcs Must Die! 2.



See?

Survival wave 45.

We have a new plan though, so next time, we'll do better.

Hmmmmm..

That's it for now.

I'm off to bed.

Tomorrow, I sleep.

A lot.

-Nolan

Friday, December 21, 2012

12/20- Wedding!

Well, there's a few nights to update you all on!

Let's see... Drove up to Estes on Tuesday, spent the day up there.

Did our practice for the ceremony, then had dinner, then went back to our cabin for the night.

That night, we were given our groomsmen gifts.
We each got engraved pocket watches, each one different.
Mine is a little darker and sleeker than the others.

The wedding day was...
Quite fantastic.
I loved it.

I cried quite a bit.

I was a groomsman along with Ian, Bobby, and James.
It was so great.

I haven't felt so.. I don't know.

I loved the feeling.

During the summer, I looked over to where the bridesmaids were, and Lindsey and I were totally bawling our eyes out.

So we exchanged a hug and high five, as crying buddies.



Ta-da!

Side note, I actually like how I look in a tux!

Some of the students in Aaron's class showed up!
I got to sit and talk with Elisa, which was awesome, because I've missed her so much.
Then Jessica showed up! So we danced together for a few songs, then they started line dancing soooooooo I wasn't gonna do that.

It was an awesome night.

Ian drove me up there, so we all stayed up in Estes for a second night, because the weather was atrociously bad.

So we headed out back to Fort Collins around 11:30 or so.

We got to my house, and Ian has been over since then!
Dane, Cameron, and Brayden all came over too!

We've been hanging out and gaming all day.

It's time for bed though, since Geoff is heading over tomorrow as well.

Uhh..

I don't know about my emotions tonight.
I mean, I know what's going through it for the most part, but..
I'm keeping myself distracted for a reason.

Time for some music and video games!

Nighty night,

-Nolan


Monday, December 17, 2012

12/17- New jewelry, all packed for the wedding!

Jessi and I went Christmas shopping today!

We both bought various stuff.

I got some new earrings! About 4 sets of rings and various tips.

And my clear studs for the wedding.

I'm packed and ready for the wedding!

Picked up my Tux today.
I actually like the way I look in it.
Weird.
But fun.

I doubt I'm going to be blogging tomorrow, just a heads-up.

Because I know you look forward to reading these every night.

Hmm.
What else.

That's about it actually.

I'm going to go back to Top Gear, and probably some Street Fighter before bed.

-Nolan

Sunday, December 16, 2012

12/16- Bachelor Parrtttyyyy

Woooo!

The Hobbit was awesome!

Aaron's bachelor party!!!

Uh..

That's it for now!

Night!

-Nolan

Saturday, December 15, 2012

12/15- New clothes again!

Today was interesting.

I woke up a couple hours earlier than I needed to... Oh well.
But around 2, I texted Bethany that I was free, and we went and hung out!

We went to the mall and walked around a bit. I got a new pair of earrings, then we walked around talking bout stufffffff.

Then went to Plato's and I got some new clothes! A nice shirt, and another long-sleeve shirt-hoodie-thing.

We went to King Sooper's and did some Christmas shopping for her, picking up some gift cards for family and such.

Then I found out that my earrings were gone.
I was bummed.

She went home, I went home.

I told my mom about losing the earrings, and she said I could pick up a new pair, along with my clear stud for Aaron's wedding.
If I wear my lip ring to the wedding, I shall be destroyed with fire and brimstone.

SO I'm getting a clear stud!

Let's see...

I played a bunch of Street Fighter with a friend tonight. We're both getting pretty good!
I picked up Rose as my third. So underplayed. Which makes her awesome.

And now I'm watching CAPTAIN 'MURICA.
Gonna grab some popcorn too.

I'm off to yell "FREEDOM" and "DAMN NAZIS" every 10 minutes of the movie.

Night!
-Nolan

12/14- Girl's night in! Again!

Ian, Ben and Shaun are over for the night!


This is my night!

-Nolan

Friday, December 14, 2012

12/13- I'm (mostly) FREEEEEEE!

Yay! Last final was done.

Kinda.

I was supposed to take the Music final online.. But it was supposed to be done at noon TODAY.. Not noon TOMORROW.

I sent the professor a message, and I'm hoping he cuts me some slack. I've never missed a class and I did everything on time.

Maybe I'll get another day or so. Hopefully.
If not, I still will manage to squeak by with about a 62.
Not an ideal grade, but one that at least passes.

Oh! So I had lunch with Ashley.

After our final, we walked around campus deciding where to go. We got in my car about 12:45? Ish?

And drove down to Cafe Mexicali!

We left Cafe Mex at about 4:45 or 5.
So we were there for a good 3 to 4 hours just talking.
We went through embarrassing childhood stories, to interesting childhood stories, to funny stories, to stories that we tell at parties.. Etc. It was awesome! There were no awkward silences and we found more stuff that we found funny.

She's going out to visit her family in.. Farther out in Colorado. Somewhere not here.

Which means I don't get to see her over break.
Sad day.

But we were talking about something, and she said "One of these days I'll have to tell you the whole story."

"One of these days" .. That means we'll actually hang out another time! Woo!
I'm going to wait until we hang out a few more times before I officially ask her out.

I might get turned down instantly, but hey. Worth a shot.

YAYYYY I'M ON BREAK!
Video games with no fear of having to write a paper in the morning!

I played lots of Street Fighter with the online peoples that I met.
It was awesome. I'm kicking ass with Vega for now.

Though I'm looking for a third character to pick up.
Still deciding.

Uhh..
Yeah.

I'm going to go be lazy!

-Nolan

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

12/12/12- Ohh Emmm Geeeee 121212.

Wooooo.

-___-

12/12/12.

Opahh!

Now that that's out of the way.

So I've been playing the Alan Wake: American Nightmare standalone game thing that I got with the Alan Wake Franchise Pack.

I thought I'd give it a try, because it had a survival mode that the original didn't.

It's awesome!
It, along with The Darkness II, are the two games that I've followed the story intensely.

Just the standalone Alan Wake story is great!
I'm going to beat the story once, then move onto the main one.

Sadly...
I didn't know by "standalone" it meant give the entire plot (with spoilers) of the original game.

RAGGLEFRAGGLERAGEBLAHHH.

The story is ruined for the first one. I'm pissed.

But hey,
It's still going to be awesome, and I'm still going to enjoy it.

I mean, part of it I kind of guessed.
But the rest of it... Yeah. Lame.
But still fun!

Uhh... Last final tomorrow!

It's been an emotional day.
People and such.
Emotions.
Woo.

And I'm going out to lunch with Ashley after the final! Hopefully it'll be not awkward.

I'm gonna play more Alan Wake then sleep.
Should give me interesting dreams.

Night!

-Nolan

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

12/11- Two down!

Two finals down!

Hooray!

Two left.

One in-class on Thursday, then one online.

Finished editing my paper, so.. There's not much left to do.
Just gonna study all day!

Almost done.

Woo!

-Nolan

12/10- More studying!

Yupppp..

Studied more today.

Not much else.

Oh!

I ordered a fightstick for my pc.

One of these.



Usually they're $80, but a guy on Reddit told me they were having a sale with them for $20.

Great deal!
It's actually supposed to help you get better.

Different button positioning and such.

I'm excited to get it.

Let's see..
Nope. That's it.

I'm gonna play some Street Fighter and try out E. Honda. He's fun!

Then study, then go to sleep.

Alright... 2 finals tomorrow.

I got this!

-Nolan

Sunday, December 9, 2012

12/9- I studied!

I studied!

2 or 3 hours today.

I woke up at... 2-ish.

Studied until... 5-ish.

I don't remember what I did until now.

I think I ate and showered.

And that's really it.

So I figured out I'm good at having conversations by replying to everything they say with a corresponding image url.

I have around 50 or 60 ones bookmarked.

I add more to them whenever I see something funny!

Also, I got the Alan Wake franchise, along with all the Orcs Must Die! 2 dlc.

Yay!

-Nolan

Saturday, December 8, 2012

12/8- I left the house again!

Today was actually fun!

I woke up, surprise.
Took a long hot shower and made myself look pretty, because I was going to study with Ashley and Rebecca.

I got to campus, and Ashley showed up, but Rebecca didn't.
So we sat and studied for an hour or so, quizzing over key terms and such.
Then we decided we needed coffee.

We, as in she.
So we went and got some coffee, then went and returned some of my books.

However, I decided I needed a chocolate shake.
So I said I would get one, and she was welcome to come along.

Which she did!
We hung out for about an hour and a half or so after we studied.
We drove around, talking, making fun of people, and getting to know each other a little more, then dropped her back off at her dorm.
She said that her and her friend were going to go shopping, and when we got back, they were gone.
I offered to take her to wherever her friends were, but she said no.
I hope I didn't sound creepy.

The more time I spend with her, the more I like her.
She's got a sense of humor similar to mine, she likes the same TV shows I do, same music, and she reads as much as I do. She was brought up reading a bunch, so she uses fancy words like digress and animosity.

I'm hoping that over break we can go get lunch or something.
Depending on how that goes.. I might ask her out.
Not sure yet, but.. I want to!
I think she's interested too, but I'm not quite sure.
I mean, she redid her nails and put on a little more eye makeup today than she usually has.

Yes, I noticed!
She usually has a smaller amount of eyeliner on and a little less eyeshadow.
She had a little more eyeliner, and blended the eyeshadow differently.
She didn't overdo it either.

However, I could be completely wrong!
I could just be telling myself that to pretend I'm observant.
Ah well.

Either way,
I like her,
And I can't wait to see her again.

And I know for a fact that she doesn't read this blog, so I can say stuff like this and not worry if she sees it.

Oh! I returned my books and mom gave me $10!
So I bought 2 copies of Orcs Must Die 2, the DLC for it, and Portal 2.

Thank you Steam.

I did my first Reddit giveaway for my second copy!
I said whoever made me laugh the hardest won.

So this one won.



I found it hysterical.

And this is my jam tonight.



I haven't heard it for a few years, so I'm totally rocking out to it.

But now I'm going to play Portal 2.

FOR SCIENCE!

-Nolan

Friday, December 7, 2012

12/7-Fancy clothes, chocolate-covered pretzels, bank robbing!

Today is actually going very well.
I'm having a great time!

I went to lunch with Devin at Heritage! It was fun.
So much food.

I went to class, nothing special there.

Came home, played a bit, and mom picked up some new shirts for me!
They worked well with my new v-neck.

So here's a picture.



I was feeling very fancy!
And attractive.
It's a new feeling.

Then Ben came over!
We hung out, watched some terrible Netflix movies, then went to King Soopers.
We couldn't find the chocolate-covered pretzels, and then there were a couple girls there that couldn't find them either!
We found them first, they were in the... Produce section?
Then we walked back to find the girls and told them where they were.

We were checking out and I told Ben that "we should have gotten their numbers!"
And I didn't know that they were... Right behind us.
I didn't know until we got home and Ben mentioned it.

So we came back with 2 quarts of tropical punch apiece, 12 chocolate chunk cookies, and a big box of chocolate-covered pretzels.



It's our girls night in.

We're fat.

Then we've been playing tons of video games.
I'm having a fantastic night.

And tomorrow I am going to study with a couple girls.
Studying all weekend.

Yay!

-Nolan

12/6- Annnnnnnd.. Nothing happened.

Today was awfully boring.

Nothing happened.
Class, home, gaming, studying.

The normal routine.

I'm trying to beat the damn Vega Trials in Street Fighter.
Only 2 left.

Lunch at Heritage tomorrow!


-Nolan

Thursday, December 6, 2012

12/5- New sweatpants! And a shirt!

Hooooraaay new clothes!

My mom picked up some new sweatpants and a nice v-neck sweater.

The sweats feel like my legs are encased in a delicious cloud *_*

And the v-neck is really nice!
I also asked if she'd be on the lookout for one of those thin scarves that's more for show rather than keeping your neck warm.

Because I want one.
Because I like scarves.

They're cute.
DON'T JUDGE MEH.

Today wasn't that bad.

I got some studying done, learned some more stuff that's going to be on all my finals, and in general, got more prepared for them.
I'm not as scared anymore.

I mean, I'm still stressed. But not terrified out of my wits anymore.

Hmm what else what else..
Oh! I found a girl that I'm interested in! She's in my literature class, and she's really nice and fun to be around.

I invited her and another girl in my group to study over the weekend.
Hopefully they do.
If not, maybe I'll ask to go to coffee with her or something.

I also met a cute guy on Facebook.
Not like... Creeping on him or anything.
But he seems nice!
So I should probably get to know him, rather than just be content to sit in a corner and wait for him.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I think that's it.
Oh! Friday I'm getting lunch with Devin at Heritage.
That should be fun!

I've come to realize a few more things with my emotional life.
For the most part, mentally avoiding certain subjects helps me deal with them in the long run.
I'm not saying to completely forget about them forever, but.. Well, keeping them pushed out of my mind helps a lot.
I don't mean that I'll run from them forever, but I figure that leaving them in a box in the corner of my mind then tackling them when I'm ready is a good strategy.
Recently, I've stopped that, because I learned some other stuff that has made me upset.
But after talking to Sara last week, I realized that I need to be more active in dealing with my own shit.

Hopefully that'll start taking effect soon.

Soooo yeah.
That's my day.

I'm off to mindlessly explode cars and crash into things on Saint's Row III.

Night!

-Nolan

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

12/4- Uh... Street.. Fighter....

Sooo I got nothing good to say about today.
I mean, it's not like it was bad, it just wasn't noteworthy.

But!

Nerd Time.

Something positive came about while I was playing Street Fighter today.
I'd mentioned before that I made some friends online?
Well I started up Skype and "hung out with them" while we played.
We did a group thing where it cycles between people, each fighting the winner of the last one.

Now, I've figured out my Street Fighter lineup.

My favorite character to play is Hakan, my best character is Vega, and I'm learning El Fuerte.
I've found the 3 that I'm sticking with.
Anyway.

I was playing Hakan for most of the matches, and they were offering advice, and helping me figure some stuff out.
I was doing fairly well, and I at least scored a couple rounds against each of them.
Then I just mentioned "I'm going to switch up to Vega."
And the first guy I met, the one I usually practice with, he was saying "OH GOD NOT YOUR VEGA."
I asked him what he meant, and he said that basically, I'm a pain in the ass because I'm so unpredictable and not many people know how to play against Vega in general, and I'm quick with good reads.
(Read is something like.. Guessing when they're going to jump, then doing an anti-are to counter it).

So I was up against the best player out of the 3, and he is good. He wrecks me constantly, cause he knows basically everyone except Guy.

So he chose his best character, Guile.
See.. The thing is, I'm in constant control over the air as Vega, and he knows how to majorly deny that with his friggin Flash Kicks. Got annoying.

But anyway.
It's best 3 out of 4.
He won one round.

I won the rest of them.

I was very surprised, though my other friend wasn't.
Interestingly enough, hearing someone say "I hate your Vega," is a really good compliment.
Because he established Vega as my character, then said I was good.

So oddly enough, that was the highlight of my day.
It shows that I'm actually making headway with someone for once.

End of nerd time.

It's almost finals week ohgodohgodohgodohgod I'm so not excited.
Though I did some studying.
Granted, it's difficult to just remember everything about it, and I can't name off everything I learned.
But I'm going to study a lot.

Gotta finish hard!

Have a good day.

-Nolan

Monday, December 3, 2012

12/3- Boooooored.

Ugh.. Its' only Monday.

And finals are next week.

I'm not excited.

Nothing happened today either..

Boooooring day.

That's.. About it, actually.

Nothing worth noting, so.. Yeah.

Sleep well!

-Nolan

12/2- A lazy day, even by my standards. Also, life lesson!

"As a 23 year old Christian bisexual guy (maybe gay, I haven't worked all that out yet) I want you to know that you inspired me tonight. I've known I was different for 10 years now and tonight I finally told my friend after reading this. She was totally accepting and we talked about it for hours. She said she had a feeling but didn't want to bring it up until I was ready to talk about. I feel so much better finally getting it off my chest after all these years. I'm not ready to tell anyone in my family yet, but I guess it's one step at a time."

Someone commented on my post that I had put up on Reddit about last Wednesday.
I have never felt like this before..
I've never imagined myself as someone who can change someone's life.

But according to this,

I helped a young man make a life-changing decision, one that will take him on a new journey for as long as he lives.

I feel fantastic.

That's enough of that.

Today..
I accomplished... Approximately 30 minutes of studying.

I was way too stressed to focus.

The next couple weeks are going to be absolute hell, and I'm scared and stressed.
But I'm almost done.

Keep my eyes on the prize, finish off strong.

That's something that Coach Marty told me when I swam for Loveland.
Well, it's something that multiple people have told me.

But I think it was coming from Marty that I remember the most.

I wasn't a very good swimmer.
I didn't have promise, I didn't stand out among the team.
I was along for the ride, and I swam at an average level for the couple years I was there.

At the same time, it was an unforgettable experience.
I met so many wonderful people, and I learned a lot about myself and how it feels to push and break your own limits.

I swam sprints, but never long distance events.
But even as sprints go, it was the last 10 or 15 yards that killed me.

So at that point, I asked for advice, asked what I could change, and I really.. I really did practice.
I swam hard. Some days, I didn't. I'll admit that.
Like I said, I didn't stand out.

There were some moments that made it worthwhile though.

I loved breaststroke. It's always been my favorite swim.
So a guy on the team, "Brando," was a complete GOD when it came to breaststroke. He was ridiculous.
So I made him my idol.

There are a few moments in a race that are the best.
The first one is the very beginning, the start.

You spend a few minutes before your event, prepping yourself. You plan out what you're going to do for every step of the race, from the takeoff, to the turns, to the amount you'll push yourself.

Plunging into the water is one of the weirdest things.
One second, the world is a cacophony of yells, cheers, people talking, the announcer, and your coach yelling at you to haul ass.
You raise your heart rate, you get your entire body shaking with adrenaline, you remove everything from your mind except the race.

You hit the water, silence.
Nothing but your mind working, your breath being held, and there's a second or two before you hit the surface again.

By swimming breaststroke, it's a different experience.
You also learn to shut out all the cheers except for your own team.

I loved the 100-yard breaststroke.
The first 25, you are ridiculously active.
You're plunging through the water, pulling yourself forward, all you see is your own lane, and the walls that signify your obstacles that you need to overcome.

The second 25, it's just as much.
The first 50 yards, you are nothing but adrenaline and forward motion.
You listen to the team, yelling "WOOP," every time you come to the surface. You listen to their rhythm, and you try your hardest to keep up with it, to win.

The 3rd 25 is easily the hardest. It's the second time you've seen that damn wall, and it'll be the last.
But your breathing is shallow, your limbs are burning. It's hard.

But the last 25, the final stretch of the race..
That is when you push yourself beyond the limits.

Hearing the team "WOOP," the rushing of water in your ears, the burning of your body, it moves you faster.
You see them all bending forward over the wall, screaming at you to get your ass to that wall.

I think that's one of the few times that I really learned how to block out absolutely everything.
To go to that world where, under no circumstances, you're allowed to be tired.

No matter how you feel, you are not tired.
You're just a seething mass of muscles in motion, moving forward. That's it.
You don't have thoughts, there's nothing in the world except your lane, and the wall.

Granted, you won't win every race. Unless you're Brando. Or Kevin.

But when you hit that wall, and you look to the sides to see your competition.. That's an interesting feeling.
I don't think I ever got better than 3rd or 4th, but even then, it's a pretty awesome feeling.
Hearing your team congratulate you, high fives and backslaps.. It's almost indescribable.

Right before Conference (part of the state-wide competition, I think. Not sure), I had something.. Interesting happen.
I was getting dried off, and Marty, along with some of the guys, all came up and told me, "You're going to conference! The two guys above you dropped out".

It was weird.
I never thought I'd make it there.

That didn't necessarily go well, because I was up against people that were out of my league.
But hey.. I still did it.

I never backed out of a race or anything.
The hardest one was the second year I swam, and.. I don't remember the coach's name, but he was a hardass.
Not as bad as Marty, and Taper Week (something I'll cover another time. Basically, it's very grueling. Lots of hard sprints, lots of hard swims).

I digress.
There was a meet at Epic that he put me into a 200 Medley swim.

Now, something I have to explain.
I had never swam Butterfly in my life.

Not in a competition, and barely in practice.
And one of the biggest rushes I've felt through my body was when I looked at my races, and saw "200 Medley" as one of them.
I walked up to the coach and asked if it was a mistake.

"Nope. You're swimming it."
"I've never swam butterfly before though-"
"Yup. You're swimming it."

I was up against 1 other guy, and he was on our team. Not sure who. I don't remember.

But I got a terrible time.
Hell, the 200 Free was a pain in the ass. I was a bad swimmer!

So finding out that I had to swim butterfly?
It was scary.
I went through the team and asked the guys who usually swam fly how they did it, and what to avoid.
I got good advice, and overall.. I did alright during the fly section.
I didn't get tired or anything, which was.. Weird.

Now, I still look like a dying fish when I swim fly, but at least I've swam it once.

I think a big regret of mine was stopping swimming.
It was an amazing thing. I got in shape, I met new guys, I went to competitions, I really competed, for the first time in my life.
I swam against other people, other high schools, other guys who were way better than me.
I stopped because..

I felt pathetic next to everyone else.
I really did. I was the slowest swimmer we had.
I felt like a burden to the team, like I couldn't catch up to everyone.
Even the incoming freshmen swam better than me.

I didn't have a future in it, so I stopped.

At that point.. If you take a year off, it messes up your game.
You aren't constantly swimming, and you really get out of shape very fast.

So.. Yeah. I regret stopping so early on.

But even then, it was a great learning experience.
I learned to break personal mental and physical barriers.

Something I think I need to start doing again.
Mostly the mental part.
I also need to get back into shape. But that's different.

I miss my team.
I miss seeing them at the end of the race, all cheering me on, all telling me to haul ass and finish hard.

I don't have a physical team to look at, I don't have a team suit, I don't have a coach, I don't have someone to yell at me and make me swim extra laps if I mess up, I don't have anyone who will look at the clipboard, and back to me while I'm racing.
Which, I might add, makes you swim even harder, because you want to beat your last time so you don't look lazy.

I don't have that.
I have family and friends to cheer me on, I have people who will be excited when I do well.

I need to become my own mental coach.
I need to push myself harder, I need to break those barriers in my head, I need to push myself past my limits, then farther, over and over again.

But I think that's something that everyone needs, to a point.
I think we all can let ourselves get lazy, and passive.
That's something that my counselor//therapist//psychologist (I have no idea what to call him) and I always talk about.
I'm a passive guy.
I let things move past me.

I don't stick up for myself, I don't stand out, I don't force myself to hit the limit.

I think the best I've felt in a while was last Wednesday.
Coming out to pretty much everyone I know.. It was hard.
I pushed myself past those mental limits, and made a decision that I will never regret.

I changed my world, all within a few hours.

I want to feel that again.
I really do.

I don't know how, I don't know when, I have no idea where to even start.

But every day I'm alive, I learn something.

"Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don't."

Know who said that?
Bill Nye.
The Science Guy.

That's something that I need to start living by.

Recently, every day just seems harder than the last.
Every day, I go one step forward, two back.

But even then,
You are making progress.

However slow,
However hard,

You are still moving forward.

At the end of the day, I sit back, and look at it.
I feel like shit, most of the time.
Because I still feel really upset at the end of the day.

But at the same time,

There are nights like tonight.
Where I spend the day basically alone, not even talking to many people.
I spend it in my thoughts.

Which leads to crying, sad music, and Pop-Tart eating, but there are also moments like right now.

I'm not sure what I'm feeling.
But I'm writing about it.

When I'm winding down , crawling into bed, turning off the lights, putting on some music, and closing my eyes for the night..

I do have those special times,
I have those moments,

Where I feel like I've pushed myself past my own limits, and came out on top.
I made it through the day.

Tomorrow is another day,
And it'll bring it's own problems, and all the stress I'm holding back will hit me all at once.

But for now..

I'm content in the fact that I'm still on this earth, and I've pushed myself past the breaking point, and even farther.

Now I'm gonna go all stereotypical blogger and weird, but..

How about YOU?
How do you feel?

I challenge you today.

Break a barrier,
Push yourself past your limits.

You'll be tired, you'll be exhausted, maybe in pain.
But you'll be glad you did, I promise.

-Nolan

PS: This is a weird post, it's got a life lesson at the end. Weird.

PSPS: Here's a picture.
I have no idea why, but these things make me laugh so hard.
It's just the last panel that hits me the most.


Sleep well.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

12/1- Aaron came over!

Yup!

I stayed in bed until 4 today..

I was sleepy.

Aaron came over!

So we're playing games and watching Netflix and such.

-Nolan

Saturday, December 1, 2012

11/30- Hummingbird Heartbeat

Today wasn't really anything special.
It was fun, but not really special.

I went to lunch with Jacy today!
I picked her up, and I went the wrong way down Timberline, so we got to Culver's late.
But we still made it back to school in time for her next class!

I sat around at home really not doing anything.
Some drumming, some music, some gaming..
Normal stuff.

Then I went and picked up Men In Black III and The Campaign from Redbox.
Dad and I just finished Men In Black. It was good!
It had Bill Hader and Will Arnett.
It was for a short time, but they were there!

And the villain of the movie..
I knew his voice, and I knew his face, but I couldn't remember his name.



Actually is..



IT'S SO AWESOME.
If you know who he is, well done!

It totally made my day when I saw that.
I felt smart because I knew his voice and the inflection he used when he said something long and drawn-out.
Granted, I didn't remember the person by name.. But I remembered the voice.

Boris is the best supervillain ever.




Or Bane is.



Or Doctor Horrible...

I'm not sure.
They're all equally evil and amazing.

Let's see... How was today aside from all of those things.

It was.. Alright. 
The title of the blog is because I've been addicted to the song Hummingbird Heartbeat all day.
Part of it is because it's such a cute song, but the other part is because I miss having butterflies in my stomach when I talk to someone.
The past couple times I had that feeling, it ended up ending as quickly as it began. 

I love being able to love, I love being able to make someone feel special.
It's just hard seeing 99% of my friends moving forward and finding someone special to share life with.
Even if it's just a boyfriend or girlfriend, there's still something there that's special.
And that's what I miss.

But the good news is, I've been elected the 'gay best friend' for three or four of my girl friends!
Which is a wonderful feeling.

It's my 3rd day of being an openly bisexual Christian guy.
It's.. It's not bad!
I haven't gotten much shit from anyone, and no one has tried to put me down.
But I've already gotten closer to some of my friends, and people are looking at me in a new way, in a way that I (for the most part) actually like.

I can finally comment on a guy's appearance and people won't just look at me and assume I'm trying to get on a girl's good side by agreeing with her.

I can be as sensitive as I want!
Bwahahahahahaha.

Not sure why that needed an evil laugh, but it did.

Emotionally, I've been..
I'm not sure.
Ups and downs. 

On the plus side, the 'ups' are actually staying for more than one hour.
On the negative side, that just makes it more obvious to me when the 'downs' come by.
It's actually started drawing a bodily reaction from me when I get upset.
Drop in heart rate, muscles relax and go slack, smile disappears, eyes go blank.
All that.. Fun stuff.

But I figure it's something I'll get through one way or another.
For the past week, I've just focused on avoiding the things that make me upset. 
If I remember something specific, I just remind myself that I'll be busy in the next 10 minutes, so I shouldn't worry about it.

Obviously, I still have that part of me that enjoys the pain because it's bittersweet.

Eh.
Oh well.

Let's see..

Ah. 
Finals are in two weeks.
I'm not freaking out yet, but I can feel the freakout coming. 
So.. The next week will be full of "OHH GODDDD FINALSSSSSSS"

I'll make this weekend not as sucky then.

Uh.. I think that's it.

I'm going to go listen to cute music and keep myself busy.

G'night!

-Nolan