11/29- Not much happened today..

Well, today paled in comparison to yesterday.
Nothing really happened.

I had people add me on Facebook and tell me I was an inspiration.. That was really cool.
I've basically just left that status up, and I'm going to leave it for a while so that people will see it.

A few girls were excited to talk to me because I can officially be the gay best friend!
Something I've always wanted to be. And that's not sarcastic.

Oh! There was a Humble Bundle package of THQ games for as much as you wanted to pay.
I paid $1.. I'm poor and cheap, I know.
But I also spent another $10 on games for my friends!

So I bought around 70 games for $10.

There's my Christmas shopping done!

I'm playing Saint's Row: The Third.

It's...
Grand Theft Auto, Just Cause 2, and Crackdown all rolled into one game.

It's so much fun.

I'm also downloading the Company of Heroes series, so I'll try those out as well.

Tomorrow, I'm going to lunch with Jacy!
I'm interested to see how people will react when I walk into Heritage tomorrow.

It should be interesting.

Then later in the evening, I might be going to the movies with Ashley and some friends!
I'm very excited for that too.
I need to meet new people.

Uh.. That's it I guess.
Night!

-Nolan

11/28- Today was ACTUALLY eventful. And for the record, I'm not "confused".

As shocking as that is, today actually was eventful!

It's madness!

I'll start from the beginning.

I woke up and started my car.
That's a good-ish sign!
Alright, it's a bad sign.
Alright, it's a sign.

It's getting colder!
So I warmed up the car then went to class.

Not much really happened.. Class was class.
I read, I talked, I wrote, I listened.
Normal stuff.

After class, I went home and did a couple chores, then did something that I didn't really plan on doing.

I came out to my family as being bisexual.
It was.. Terrifying.

I mean, our family isn't terrifyingly conservative or anything, but I honestly had no idea how they would react.
So I sent it out to my mom and sisters, then sent dad an email (he was at work).

I know that sounds so impersonal, but I have to explain.
I didn't do it to be impersonal on purpose.
But there are some things that I just can't say in person.

Also, there are some things that I can only say in person.
This was the former.

I'm almost ashamed to say it, but I left the house before dad could get home because.. I was scared.
It's not something that I ever expected to say.
And it's the stereotypical "gay guy coming out of the closet to his father".
It's scarier than it sounds!
I wasn't sure how he'd react.. I was terrified.
Turns out I had nothing to worry about. He told me he loved me for who I am, and if I ever want to talk, I can come to him.

After I told the family, I sent out a couple texts to my closest friends that didn't know, and they responded very well.

I actually talked to Janae on Facebook and asked if I could hang out with her within the hour.
She just said to come on over, she wasn't busy!

So I picked up some candy that I owed her, along with some for myself, and headed over.
It was a good time.

I've always been hesitant to say that I have "girl time" with some of my friends, but that's what it is.
We sit and talk about life, workouts, ex-es, people we're interested in now, TV, celebrities.. Pretty much everything.

Something that's kind of small, but felt great..
Her boyfriend is in Oregon for a week or two, so they're texting pretty much constantly.
And she said that I was at her house, and he wasn't sure how he felt about that.
So she told him I was gay.
Which.. It feels really good to hear that.

I like being able to hang out with a girl and not be.. Just another guy.
It means I can be a friend to them in a different way.

I mean, it's half true.
I'm just as interested in girls as I am in guys.
Girls a little more so, just because.. I don't know why exactly, to be honest.
I guess I just haven't met any guys that I'm interested in.

But I'm pretty damn effeminate, but I like it.
I like being more sensitive than most guys my age.

It's interesting, I've never really understood the gay pride thing..
I don't understand pride in general.
I'm not saying that I'm always going to be up in everyone's face about being bisexual. I don't want to be that person.
But I'm saying that I'm almost proud of who I am.
That's the first time I've been proud of myself as a person.

But I'm special, I'm unique.
And I like it.

It gives me a way to connect with people easier, if that makes sense.
I can hang out  with guys and do complete guy time.
Video games, immature jokes, stupid movies, all those things.
And I love my guy time.. I love hanging out with Aaron, Ian, Shaun, Ben, James, David, Dan, Dane, Caleb.. Everyone. I love those guys to death. They're the best escape I have.
I love those nights full of immature things and video games.

But.. I also can connect to girls in a different way.
Granted, I'll never be the "gay best friend" or anything like that.
But I sincerely hope that this means that girls will be more comfortable talking to me about guys, or that it means I'm more.. Approachable? If that makes sense.
I just want it to be obvious that I'm not just another guy who's trying to get in their pants.

I love people.
Granted, I hate people with a fiery passion.
But I love connecting with people.
And I like to think that I can connect with more people in more ways.

So that's that.
Janae and I had our girl time, then I went to the Alley Cat and waited for KatC.
We haven't seen each other in 4 years, and I've missed her so much.
She's married!
And I approve of the guy.
Which I don't do often.
But I do.

Anyway, she wasn't there until 10, and I got to the Alley Cat around 8:30, so I had some time to myself and my music.

So I wrote a mini speech, and posted it on Facebook.

"Hey Facebook, I’m here to make a short little speech.

I’ve decided to make a life change and actually tell people something that I’ve known for a few years now, but wasn’t really up to making it public. 

Sat it’s a problem that needs to be fixed. Some of you won’t feel that you should be my friend because it might affect you in a negative way, or because you just don’t agree with it. 

If you feel like we shouldn’t be friends anymore, so be it. You don’t have to talk to me; you don’t have to be around me, that’s your choice. 

But for those who stay with me, I want to tell you that this should NOT change anything between us. I’m still Nolan. I like the things I’ve always liked, and I will act the same way that I always have. Granted, this will change the way you look at me, and it might be a little strange for you. 

Tome of you have known this for a while, even if I hadn’t said anything. 

I am bisexual. 

I know that, by saying this, I will have lost some friends. Some of you are uncomfortable with this, or think tho the closest guy friends I have: You all are my friends, and this is most likely weird to hear me say this. But don’t think that I’ve secretly been trying to hit on you or anything. I can honestly say that I’m not attracted to any of you in that way, and.. Well yeah. It shouldn’t change the way we hang out. At all. I’m always going to be your friend, and I hope you’ll be mine. And I will ALWAYS be here for you to talk to about anything. We can talk and complain about girls and the crazy stuff that’s happening in our lives. I don’t want this to be a deal breaker in our friendship.

To the closest girl friends I have: Odds are, most of you have caught onto this, and it’s not that surprising. It’s a little different for you, because.. Well, because you’re girls, and this won’t change the way I talk with you. I’ll still be Nolan. And I’ll still be here for you, like you’re here for me.

This is a tough decision to make, actually making this a known fact. Because I have gone to a public school for my entire life, up until college, this will undoubtedly rustle some jimmies, as being anything but heterosexual is often looked down upon. That’s what the hardest thing about saying this is, because I’ve seen the way that some people treat homosexuals and bisexuals, and it’s honestly scary. 

I sincerely hope that those of you who stay to be my friend will be here to support me through this, because it changes the way that the world will look at me, and it changes the way I look at the world.

So that’s my little speech.

Thanks for reading!

I ask that iff you choose to unfriend me or stop talking to me, comment on here. I know that I’ll be getting a lot of messages tonight, and I’d rather not sift through them and figure out which ones to just delete. 

If you want to talk to me about this, feel free to let me know. I'm not going to try and avoid people, and I'll be here if you want to talk about it."

I put that up, fully expecting to be put down, judged, and have people come and try to "fix" me.

It sounds bad, but.. I went to a private school for my whole life until college.

And I hate to say it, but there are those christians that are judgmental, and would condemn me for admitting to being anything but 100% heterosexual. 

Interestingly enough, I didn't receive anything but positive comments.

Nothing negative,

No one trying to change me,

No one telling me I was going to hell,

Nobody saying that I needed to be fixed so that God would love me again.

On the contrary, 

All I received was loving remarks and comments from everyone.

I won't post them all, because you can't copy and paste comments.

But suffice to say, they made me cry.

Quite a few of them. 

But I think there were a few that really stood out to me.

One was from my friend Mike.

We've known each other for a long time, and he's a Marine.

Body builder, ripped, manly, tattoos.. Military man.

And he said:

" Kill! I got your back muh boy! much respect for throwin it out there.. let somebody talk shit.."

It's.. It's a great feeling having someone so.. Manly, someone so terrifying, stand up for me, and be willing to fight anyone that talked shit about me.

And from this guy named Ian. He's everything against the norm. People judge him, and some people don't agree with anything he does. He said this:

" Be yourself and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I went through something similar, with my beliefs and lifestyle I get a lot of hate. Though I am myself heterosexual, I can not understand exactly what it's like, but it's hard to be anything but the "norm". More power to you, my friend."

It's amazing to hear encouragement from someone so unique and confident.

Then I had multiple comments from my sisters, threatening to beat anyone up that had a problem with me.

And my mom, declaring her support, telling me that I've grown into a wonderful person. 

My brother-in-law had this to say:

"Well done, sir. "This above all: To thine ownself be true." I can't imagine what it was doing to you to keep that to yourself, nor can I imagine what it took to tell everyone. That's awesome, and I hope you'll be able to rest easier now that it's out there. Sadly, there are always those who will use religion as a facade for their own hatred and bigotry, and by the same token there are people who think they'll get a free iPad for clicking on a link. Don't let the bastards get you down."

I've never had an older brother. And I love him to death, he's a wonderful man, and I'm proud to say that I'm related to him, if not by blood.

Jessi also commented:

"Im so proud of you Nolan! Hold your chin up cuz no matter what anyone says youre still a great person!!"

Hearing that from someone who dated me, someone who was here for me in a way that no one else has been.. She was one of the first people to ever know. And I told her while we were still together. She took it in stride, not missing a beat, not treating me any different. But we did start talking about more celebrities that we found hot.. Quite a few being men. She's the only person that I've really talked like that with. 

Lizzi said:

"Nolan, I'm proud of you. You did it. 

You let them know. 
This is a huge step for you. 

If anyone tells you differently, shame on them. 
We all love you."

A while back, we had a conversation about this. I was terrified of anyone finding out, or anyone knowing about this. I was.. Yeah. Terrified out of my wits to tell anyone. She's one of the people that encouraged me to tell at least a couple people, and she reminded me that people would still love me, that people still would care about me in the same way.

And if you're reading this, and I didn't name your comment personally, please don't think it didn't matter to me.

I received so much love from so many people, and I can't quote every single comment.

Each comment was wonderful, and I feel encouraged from all of you. 

I just chose to quote a few of the comments that made me cry.

Anyway. After the speech.

I met up with KatC, and I had a fantastic time.

We talked about a lot, caught up on the few years, and had a great time.

I was with her from 10 until 1 in the morning!

We covered girls, guys, psychology, and rounded off the night discussing video games.

I hope to meet up with her again sometime soon.

-----

Well.. That's the main portion of my blog.

It's already a decent-sized post, so I'm not really going to go into my experience with all of this.

I also won't go into homosexuality and nature vs. nurture..

That's a long topic for another night.

I can safely say that tonight I'll be going to sleep,

Feeling proud about who I am as a person.

Granted, there are still some depressing things going through my head.

But I can put those aside, and be proud of the person I am.

So goodnight world, and I'll talk to you all another night.

-Nolan (Who isn't just confused, going through a phase, or in need of being "fixed".)

11/27- I got out of the house!

I actually did!
I had class, obviously.
But then I came home.

Well, I went and got Cafe Mex first.
Then came home.

Ate food,
Practiced some street fighter with a friend for a couple hours,
(Yes, practiced! Maybe some day I'll be in a tournament. Sounds geeky, but hey.. Money is money).

After that, I took a nap for a couple hours.
After that, I went out to get coffee with Sara.

I got to Alley Cat early, and tried to find us a spot.
I ended up having to ask a cute girl if I could sit at the same table while I waited for a friend.
My words all tripped over each other, and I messed up the simple sentence "Can I sit here" in at least 5 ways before I got it out.
She only heard the last sentence, so it worked out.

Sara then got to the Alley Cat and it was packed. So we went to Pizza Casbah!
Where we sat and reveled in the warmth.

Then we got in the car to go to Mugs!
Which she forgot where it was.

Sooooo we drove around town until 1 in the morning.
It was a very good venting session.

Lots of talking about life and such.
It was really nice hanging out with someone new.

And she also owes me one week of Chai tea, as per our agreement!
It's a long story.

"Long story" as in "I don't want to write about it because I'm lazy".

That's my day.

Now, to Street Fighter!

Then bed.

-Nolan

11/26- Not much has happened today..

I really need to get a social life.

Nothing really happened today.

SHOCKING!

What a crazy turn of events!

But anyway.

I woke up and had another one of my fun "bad omens".
My earbuds died..
At least mostly.

I can barely hear the music.

Which means I'm going to use my headphones until I get another $7 for a new pair.
But still.

Class all went fine, nothing new there.

Christmas is in a few weeks!
Which means finals are within 3 weeks!

I'm freaking out pretty bad.
It's scary.

Uh..
That's actually it.

I've been talking to a few random people on Tumblr that followed me, so that's fun!

I bought a chocolate bar earlier.
Yum.

It's helping me feel fat- I mean better.

Mmmmmmmmmm.

Well, I'm going to go read some of Dante's Purgatorio.

Night!

-Nolan

11/25- Bored.

Today, I spent the day on Street Fighter. I made a couple friends on Reddit, and spent time having them analyze my style and offer pointers and test out stuff!

It was fun.

That's basically my day.
I don't wanna talk really, so I'm going to go.. I'm not sure.

Other stuff.

-Nolan

11/24- More Fatal Frame!

Caleb and Ian are over! Shaun just left.
We're playing Fatal Frame!

And by "we're playing", we mean we're watching Caleb play and freak out while we laugh.

I'm having a good night.

So..
That's it for now.

Night!

-Nolan

11/23- Today was a Ke$ha sort of day..

I'm not quite sure why today was a Ke$ha day.
I woke up listening to her, and basically just jammed out to her music all day.
Except when I was craving some We Came As Romans. Then I listened to them.

Weird.
I woke up and scraped some paint off the porch and back patio so my dad can paint over them..

Then napped.
Then went to Caleb's house!

Then David's house!

And now I'm home.

Today, Caleb spent some money on Steam for the sale.
And the first thing he bought was Street Fighter for meeeee!
Cause I bought him it over the summer, so he paid me back.

Woot!
I'm waiting for that to download, so I can finally have my first online match.
Hopefully I don't get paired against someone from Japan.
They'll wreck me.

Today, the guys are spending the night at my house.
Woo! We get to play Fatal Frame again!

-Nolan

11/22- Turkey Day

It's Thanksgiving!

Today was.. Decent.
Woke up, played a little.
Cleaned the bathroom.

Mark and Rachel came over, and Mark fixed the last bit of my engine that was annoying us, so now the check engine light isn't constantly on!
Hooray!

And my car is running on 4 out of 4 cylinders!

I mean, it's never going to be a fast car.
But it's quick. And it's fun.

He said he knows a guy who's selling a 2.2 along with a turbo kit for around $950.
I've changed up my plans with that car so many times.
But I've figured it out for reals.
I'm going to:

1. Buy a 2.2 along with a turbo kit
2. Buy new seats
3. Buy electric door locks
4. Buy electric windows
5. Buy a speaker system

It won't be a crazy car or anything.
But a 2.2 turbo will be fun to drive, and with new parts, it'll stay together and run better for a while, until I buy an STi.

Or a BRZ.
Or both.

Anyway.

I picked up the game RAGE today for $5 on the Steam sale.. It's fun!
I mean, it's not something that I would have paid full price for ($25), but it's definitely worth the pocket change I had.
I'm hoping that Street Fighter goes on sale.. I really really want it.
I've been waiting for a year to get it!

So hopefully I'll have the money buy the time it's on sale.

I'm blogging early because I'm tired, and I'll most likely pass out earlier tonight.
I'm okay with that.

Tomorrow, I'm scraping off some paint on our porch and the back patio, then headed to Caleb's house.
Then David's house for the night.

Then they're at my house Saturday night!

Yay!

I'm off to go.. I don't know. Listen to music and stuff.

-Nolan

11/21- Find 'em, Track 'em, KILL 'EM.

The title is from the Expendables 2!

Dad and I watched it again.
It's just as explosive and manly as the first time I saw it.

It.. No plot.
Plots are for the weak.

Explosions, yelling, and guns.
That's what I wanted to see, and that's what I got.

Hmm..
Nope!

That's it.
Nothing else happened today.

Oh, but the whole every 15 minutes of gaming I do situps and pushups?
It's going very well.

I can do both of those pretty easily.
The pushups are iffy because my elbows pop and give out when I go too low, but hey.
It works.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving!
Opahhh.

Friday, the guys are going to David's.
Saturday, most of the guys are coming here!

So the weekend will be great.

-Nolan

11/20- Unnamed

I'm not sure what to say. Or write..
Let's see.

Today was actually pretty good.
I mean, I slept in until 2 (which I didn't want to! I just kept falling asleep!), then cleaned the basement, then went to Cafe Mex, then Brayden's.
It was fun! Cameron, Brayden, and Shaun were all there.
We basically hung out doing nothing. Halo 4, some Dark Souls, some League of Legends, some stupid jokes.

That was basically my day.
But since nothing was going on in the morning, I just went home, so now I'm at home.

I'm going to do some Dark Souls PVP, some Reddit, and then get some sleep.

I'm not sure if anything is happening tomorrow.
Maybe, maybe not.
Oh well.

G'night!

-Nolan

11/19- I.. Kind of did a work out?

Okay, not really.
I didn't work out at all.

But!
Every 15 minutes of gaming, I do 10 situps and 5 pushups.
It's not big, but at least it makes me do some situps, which is what I want most.

Let's see...
I didn't do much else.
Gaming.

Oh!
I went to lunch with Alicia today at Heritage!
It was great. I miss her.

Uh.. Yeah. That's my day.

Night!

-Nolan

11/18- I did nothing all day!

Yay!
I have done absolutely nothing productive today.

I basically sat around gaming, reading, listening to music, being lazy.. Etc.

So..
My blog is not very exciting.

Tomorrow and Tuesday, I'm going to lunch with a couple friends at Heritage, which should be good!

It's break!
Yay!

-Nolan

11/17- Fall Break part 2!

Today, we fixed my car. We put in the 4th head!
Replaced them all, actually.

It's a little shaky because a couple things are messed up, but we'll be fixing it soon.

I went to a play at Heritage, and it was really good!

Then the guys came over for the night, and it's pretty fun.
Trying out Halo 4 finally!

Uh.. Yup.
That's all I got.

Night!

-Nolan

11/16- Fall Break!

Hooray!
Fall Break!

A full week of video games, friends, junk food, being lazy-

Oh wait..
That's basically every day.

Well, it's break now.
So it's different.

Ian, Dan, and Aaron are over for the night, and it's really fun.
Tomorrow, we're going to a play at Heritage, then coming over here again, but with Geoff and Ben!
Yay.

Uhh..
Yeah.
I'm not in the mood to blog again.

Sooooo.
I'm off.

Night!

-Nolan

11/15- JOLLY COOPERATION!

Errr.. Sooooooo..
I don't know what I want to talk about tonight.
I mean, I'm like that every night.
I guess tonight is just one of those nights.

Today wasn't really a good day.
I mean, it wasn't horrid, but..

Well, the evening was terrible.

Overall, I've done nothing all day.
Lots of Dark Souls, because I can play online now!
At least for two weeks.

I guess..
I've been really, really unhappy as of late.
So I've been doing anything possible to keep myself occupied.

I mean yeah, that's gaming.
I wanted to work out today.
I was sitting there, and I looked at my stomach, and..

Yeahh. It wasn't pretty.
So now I need to start working out.
That'll give me something else to do as well!

In other news, one of my closest and best friends is getting married!
No, not Aaron.
Another one. A girl, to be precise.

It's.. Well, it's going to be in a few years.
But for the last.. Two? Three? Years, we've been talking about..

I might be the one to give her away at her wedding.
I mean, I'm a groomsman for sure, but.. It's a maybe. Still have some things to work through first.

But still!
I mean.. I'd be so, so honored and delighted to do that.
It makes me all teary-eyed and everything.

She's been one of my best friends for years.
That alone made me smile.

And since I swore to her that I'd be at her wedding, I guess I'll have to stick around for a few more years.

I GUESS.

Let's see..
I got a 67.5% on my last World Lit test!
I think that's pretty damn good.
Considering we covered 3 ancient Hindu sacred texts, part of the Bible, part of the Qu'ran, and 4 separate ancient Chinese poetry books?
I think I did decently.

Hopefully the next one will be better though.
And it's over Dante's Divine Comedy, which I can read. Easily.
Annnnnnd.. I'm actually interested in the Divine Comedy.
So that helps.

Uhh.
I'm jamming to some Dave Matthews right now while I write the blog.
I'm going to go back to some Dark souls and see if I can be a SUNBRO and help people win.

Good night!

-Nolan

11/14- Home sick.

Today wasn't really a good day.
I mean, I was home sick, so.. That sucked.

Uh.. Yeah.

But Ben gave me 2 weeks of Xbox Live!
It came with Halo 4, and he gave me the code.

Now I finally get to try Dark Souls online!

And fall break this weekend!

I think that's really it.

So..

Night!

-Nolan

11/13- Sick! Woohoo.

So, I don't know how today was.
Wasn't great.

Class, came home.
Sat around.

Took a couple hour nap.
Had a few nightmares, few bad dreams, and overall didn't sleep well at all.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnd I feel sick.

Because I took a nap, I'm not sleepy at all.
So..

I'll be up for a bit.

 I guess today wasn't terrible.
Wasn't very good though.

Hmph.

Hopefully it'll get better.
Oh well.

Night!

-Nolan

11/12- Midterm: I didn't fail!

Hooray!
I didn't fail my midterm!
I actually got an 86 or so.
The literature one.

Let's see..
Today wasn't looking good.
Woke up sad, had a bad day..
I took a test I wasn't ready for.
Day was.. Not very good.

I came home and.. Was lazy. Sat around.
Surprise.
But I had Cafe Mex for dinner as a little reward for doing well on my midterm.

Aside from that.. Yeah, my evening hasn't been fantastic, but not bad.

I have a lot of stuff on my mind tonight.
It's not all bad, and it's not all good.
It's a bit of everything.

As usual!

Hmm.
I've got some decisions I'm thinking about.
I.. Really have to think about them.
They're not life-changing, but.. Yeaahhh.

I'm tired.
And out of it.
I'm not sure why.

Oh well.
Bed time for Nolan some time in the near future!
-Nolan

11/11- Study time!

Today, I did some studying!
2 hours or so.

I'm going to do some more studying before bed.. Probably.
At least reread it all.

Uh.. That's my day.
I slept until 1, then took a nap till 5.

I did not sleep well.
I had nightmares and unhappy dreams.

After all my studying, I basically.. Sat around and did nothing.
What a surprise!

I've also watched a ton of How I Meet Your Mother.
I love this show!

Yup..
I think that's it.

Not excited for tomorrow.
Hopefully it goes at least semi-well.

Night!

-Nolan

11/10- Platformers!

I don't really have anything good to say today, because today was basically like any other day.

Well, I went and turned in my job applications! So hopefully I'll hear back from someone.
Uhh..

That's.. Pretty much my day.

Did some studying too. 2 days early.
I'm.. Not excited for this test.
I hope it'll be better than the last one, which.. I didn't fail, but I got about a 60.
So not complete fail, but.. Room for improvement!
I hope this test will be better.

Oh well.
Anyway.

Nerd time!

Platformers!
Deadlight and Mark of the Ninja.

Deadlight is AWESOME. 2D zombie survival game using the Unreal Engine.
It's SO much fun. And it's as stressful as a zombie game should be.
I really really like it.

But the real gem of the night..

Mark of the Ninja is the best platformer I have ever played. And I adore it. There's so much to do!
You feel.. Exactly like a ninja!
You're as overpowered as a ninja, and you can unlock different costumes that give you different abilities based on how you play..
The first one I unlocked was the Nightmare suit, which you get for completing terror-based objectives.
Like scaring a guard into shooting another guard, or killing one with a spike trap, or my personal favorite, scare a guard by hanging up another guard in front of him!

This game is 2D, just saying.
It's from the makers of the Shank games (which were pretty fun) but THIS game is by far my favorite that they've made.

I've been playing that most of the day.
Which I'm doing now.

I just decided to take a break, blog, then just kind of sit back from the laptop screen and focus on something else.

You know, it depends on the game, but I can really get in the zone.
And I'm in ninja mode right now.

And I'm.. I'm happy about being 'in the zone' right now.
Because I haven't exactly had a good day, just because I've had things to think about that I'd rather not think about, you know?
But this is the first time in a while that I've been.. Completely absorbed by something.

Music does that to me easily, so does reading.
But I think the only games that have made me completely block out everything else are Dark Souls and Street Fighter.

And I'm fine with the fact that I've been so absorbed in it.
Because if I had been left alone with my thoughts all night?
It would have been a terrible night.

And it's not!

So I'm going to take a break, get some water, and go back to being ninja!

-Nolan

EDIT:

And just like that, I'm crying again.
I made a mistake and actually thought about tonight and tomorrow.
Biiiiiiig mistake.

Time to go drown in ninjas and zombies.
Gotta chin up so I go to bed not depressed!

11/9- Weekend!

Hooray!
It's the weekend!

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy!

Uhh.. Yeah.

That's basically it.
Aaron came over, so we're hanging out and watching How I Met Your Mother and such.

So.. Yeah!

Night!

-Nolan

11/8- My room has been changed!

This is madness!
My room is different!

See?

It's also brighter in here, because I got rid of the top half of my desk.

Also, my 360 has it's own dedicated monitor, as opposed to before where I had to switch it from my laptop to 360 every once in a while.
That wasn't a major problem or anything, it's just cool that it's different now.

I love reorganizing things.

I'm cool like that.
Let's see..

How was today. Today was.. Thursday.
Hey! That means it's Friday tomorrow!

Hooray! The weekend!
I have.. No plans yet.
Except maybe visit Janae! I miss hanging out with her.

Especially because the first time we had seen each other in about 2 or 3 years, we went to her house, walked to her room, and sat on her bed, eating chocolates, hugging and talking about the romance (or lack thereof) in our lives!

So hopefully, I'll see her again on Sunday. I desperately need a good hug.
I'm going through withdrawal.

I don't know how I'm feeling tonight.
The easy answer is, "Not very well."

Turns out, the easy answer is the right answer!
I feel like shit tonight!

I'm having a terrible night. For so many reasons.

And it's bothering me.

So I'm going to listen to music, force myself to smile, and play some damn video games.

But I'm going to go to sleep soon anyway.

Oh well.

Tomorrow will (hopefully) be better.
Just gotta keep moving along.

Also!
Check out my comic section thingy at the top.
I'm updating that regularly.

I don't really get great reviews on Reddit for most of them, so..
They go on my blog.

Where bad comics go to die.

READ THEM ANYWAY.
-Nolan

11/7- Comic-filled day!

Well, today was nothing special.

But, I did end up doing that sticky note thing that I linked to yesterday.
I put maybe 20 or 30 sticky notes on campus with happy things, like
"You look great today!"
"Have an awesome day!"
"You are loved."

That kind of thing.
I also saw some other ones from other people too, so it was really cool, seeing other people do the same.

I also started my own web comic!
Right here!

I also put a bunch on Reddit, and I've gotten...
Mostly good reviews.
Some of them, people didn't like.

So I just deleted them, because I didn't like logging on and seeing people argue.

But.. Yeah. I kind of like making them!
I'm basically making empty templates that can be re-used for various topics.
That's what Dinosaur Comics does, and it works well for them.

Obviously, mine aren't clever.
Or.. Smart.
Or detailed.

But hey, I have fun writing them, and I find them kinda funny.

Uh, I think that's all I have for the day.

Check out the comic page.
I'll link it up on the top, next to my Tumblr and stuff.

Check it regularly, because I'm going to try and get at least one comic per day.
Maybe more if I'm feeling creative.

The coolest comment I've gotten for them is from this guy on Reddit.

Here's the link to them.
Basically, he liked the ones I've posted, and wanted to know if there were a bunch of them, because he wanted to read them.

That's so awesome!

So hopefully I can think of one funny thing to say per day.

A lot of them are going to be based around gaming, because.. That's what I'm good at.
But some will be just stupid little things.

Well, I'm off to play some Dark Souls, then get some sleep.

Bye!

-Nolan

11/6- Butthurt.. Butthurt everywhere!

Election day!

Also, release of Halo 4.

Facebook.... Uhmm..
I'm not sure.

SO much anger, butthurt, jealousy, rage, pain..
And lots of humor, though if you posted something you thought was funny, odds are, you'd be beaten down and yelled at by everyone else.

Yay, the election happened.
I supported who I supported.

I don't think that I need to talk about my political beliefs and yell at people who disagree, so I'm going to leave this post butthurt-free!

Let's see..
Oh! I saw my psychiatrist today, and we got me some new medication!
It's called... Bupropion.

It's another anti-depressant, but it also boosts energy and focus.
Which I need.
Because I have no motivation.

And the extra anti-depressant bonus is very nice too, as my recent mood swings have been pretty bad.

Oh!
I made a Tumblr today!
Lizzi helped me make it, because I have no idea how it works.

She even made little diagrams and step-by-step pictures on how to use it.
Which is awesome.

So here's my Tumblr.

I'll be updating my blog way more than my Tumblr, and I'll actually post things about my life on the blog, so I'd say focus on the blog if you want to know how my life is going.

But I'll probably post funny stuff on Tumblr too.

Here's a conversation that I had on Facebook..
I don't know why he gave up and didn't really stick to his guns.

It was amusing to me, because big trucks are funny.

Let's see..

Here's something cool my mom sent me!
I'm going to be doing it tomorrow. It should be fun.

I definitely would encourage you to do the same. It's a really cool idea!

Whoa, it's 12:30 in the morning.

Hmm.
Well, I think I'm good on my blog for now.
I'm going to go play some Dark Souls!
Or Street Fighter.

Not sure yet.
Ooh! Or Kingdom Under Fire.

Any one of those.

I'm feeling.. Pretty good right now.
Lizzi helped me find a new way to keep myself distracted, which is awesome.
And Tumblr is fun.

I posted some stuff on Reddit as well, and I have some new medication that might help me feel better that I get to try when I wake up.

Overall, I'm feeling alright.
I have my bad moments, but... I'm feeling okay right now.

So adios!

I hope you check out my Tumblr, as well as that Post-It note thing.

-Nolan

EDIT:

I'm going to try and start making little comics.. Here's one!

11/5- Wait... What

Sooo.. Today wasn't exciting or anything.

School,
Came home,
Nap,
Video games,
Studying..

Yeahh.

Good night!

-Nolan

11/4- Skinny Jeans!

Today was alright!
I slept in until about noon, then I stayed up, being lazy..

Then I took a nap again from 3 to 4... Ish.
I got up and headed to the mall.
My mom advised maybe walking around and checking for jobs, so that's what I did!
I picked up around 8 applications, then got information on where to apply online, or what stores are accepting resumes.

So I have around 12 stores that I'm going to be applying to in the next week.
I made sure to only apply to places that I wouldn't totally hate.
I don't want to have a job that would make me miserable, because I.. Well, I'd do a terrible job and get fired. That's not fun.

But while I was out, I got a pair of $45 or $50 skinny jeans from American Eagle for $30!
As a reward for finding 12 places to apply to and getting their applications.
Great deal.

Granted, I don't often shop at somewhere like American Eagle.
In fact, that's the first time I've been in there.
But I needed new skinny jeans.
And the ones at Hot Topic were all.. Very tight.
I love those, but I figured I should probably have a new pair that will last me for a bit.

Maybe another time I'll get some at Hot Topic.
I may get some shit from people for liking those tight pants, but I like them.
As long as they're not completely skin-tight.

Let's see..
I saw my friend Jacy at the mall, along with her brother Marcos.
That was nice.
I missed them.

Went to King Soopers next.

Saw my friend Kaytie there!
Her and our friend Sarah used to hang out.
The last time we all hung out, we went to the mall, and they convinced me to get a free hand massage, free lotion, and some free bath salts to test out. It was.. Very fun.

I miss them.
That's.. A little over a year ago, I think.
Hmm.

Anyway.
I got some Xing Juice.
It's basically...

Sugar.
It's pure sugar.
But it's 24oz for like 99c.. So it's good.
I got some of that, some sunflower seeds, and some Snyder's Jalapeno Pretzel Pieces.
And some Pop Tarts.

That should keep me occupied for the next week or so.

Uhh..
Yeah.

Nerd time! Briefly.
I've been playing lots of Street Fighter, and I think I've decided on my main favorite characters.
Vega is by far my favorite, but Oni is right after him, with Evil Ryu in a close third.
For the past day or so, I've only been playing Oni, and it's a great feeling to see that you're learning a character. I'm really having fun with him. I played through the Arcade on Hard today, and if I lost a match, I only lost one.
As in, I lost the first two rounds.
But I won the next 2 after trying again.
Which is awesome!
Because it means I'm learning to read how the other character plays, and adjust my play style to counter them! That feels good. So I'll probably play some of that before bed.
End of Nerd time.

Hmm, how is Nolan feeling tonight.

A little of everything.
Surprising, right?

I'm not sure.
I think overall, I've been lonely the past week.
Obviously, except for the weekend. That was fantastic.
I loved hanging out with my guys.

But aside from that..
My moods have been swinging a lot. More so than usual.
And it's getting rough.
Because I'm finding that not all of my friends who say they're here for me 24/7.. Actually are.
Okay, not exactly 24/7.
Because not everyone goes to sleep at 3 in the morning.

But you know what I mean.
Not everyone who says they'll be here through everything actually are.
Which is part of life, so I just have to get used to that.
Doesn't mean it's easy.

On the other side, I'm feeling..

Uh.
There's not really "another side" right now.
This evening, I did not do a good job at keeping myself busy.
So I'm really paying for it right now.

Sigh.
Well, I can go to sleep soon and just.. You know.
Pass out. Ignore the world.

However!
I would say today was a good day!
12 - 3 was being lazy,
3 - 4 was sleeping,
4 - 5 was getting job apps and saying hi to friends,
5 - 10 or so was drumming, listening to music, playing video games..
10 - 12 is kind of a blur. I don't know what happened.

And 12 until now..
Sucks.

Really, really badly.

But.. Today was good.
That's good, right?

I'm going to play Street Fighter and try to keep myself distracted until bed time.
Night!

-Nolan

11/3- Semper Fidelis.

Well, Cooper is home for his 10-day leave.
He's graduated from boot camp, and he's a Marine Recruit now.
I'm pretty damn proud of him.

I love knowing that 2 of my closest friends are Marines.

I went to Cooper's graduation-party-shindig-meal-dinner thing today.
It was from 2 - 6, and I stayed from 2 - 6:30 or so.
Pretty awesome. Saw Janae, Bethany, and Erin from our high school class.
They were really fun, I've missed talking to them.

I met a couple of his roommates too. James, Erica, and Sierra.
They were really fun too!

I ended up going home, and I wanted to go out afterwards with them to hang out at McDonald's and stuff.
But.. I came home and threw up.
I had eaten way too much food in the past 2 days.
So.. I stayed at home all night.

Which I'm fine with.

I finally moved up back to my room!
I've been keeping my laptop and Xbox in the basement for the past..
Geez, maybe couple months.

But I moved them back to my room.
Hooked up my 360 back to my dinky little 1280x1024 monitor, hooked up my laptop to my dusty speakers..

I like it in my room.
It's cozy.

So I'm going to stay in my room for a while.

Let's see.. Anything else that's happened..

Not much, actually.
I played Dark Souls for a couple hours because I had messed up, and I got somewhere in the game that I wasn't exactly.. Supposed to get to.. For a couple hours.
So I had too look up a guide on how to get out of the area, because I had messed up the puzzle, flipped a bridge that I shouldn't have, blah blah blah.
But I got out!

Then killed a boss, and completed an objective that's been bothering me.
But I decided to shut it off.

I'm going to try and be careful with how much I play it, because I don't want to get bored of it.
I mean, I have 3 separate characters, and I have slots for 5 more.
But I'm still.. Going to limit myself a bit.

I think we all know that that's going to work for maybe 2 days, before I get bored and go back.
Oh well.
I tried.

Oh!
I got on Skype for the first time in.. Geez.. Forever.
I video chatted with Liberty for a couple hours.
It was nice!

I liked seeing someone I don't normally see, especially since she moved away.

A majority of my other friends I can actually see. They don't live too far away.

So that was fun.
I just read that in Eddie Izzard's voice in my head.

"So that was fun."
I forgot which act that was in, but it was funny..
It's funny if you've seen it.
If not, ehhhhhh.

Anyway.

I think I want to get a camera.
It doesn't have to be a super-super high quality camera.
I want to start carrying a camera around with me.
I mean, one that's not terrible.
But one that can take pretty good pictures.

Why?
I want to start actually documenting my day with pictures of random stuff.
One of my friends did it on her blog. She just carries a camera with her and takes pictures of the things she's done during the day.

Granted, I won't take that many pictures.
But I think it'd be good to add some variety to these blogs.
Maybe I'll look into that.
It'd be fun.

OH. MY. GOD.

BEST SUBREDDIT EVER.

I've looked through so many of these pages.
I have laughed more on this thread than ever before.
It's just so.. Hilarious.

I advise checking that out in your spare time.
It should make you laugh.

But you have to find Nicholas Cage funny.
I don't mean his acting or anything.
Like..

Watch the Saturday Night Live "Get in the Cage" sections on Weekend Update.
If you find those sketches funny, you'll find this subreddit absolutely hysterical.

Now, time to quickly discuss my musical inclinations these days.

I've taken it upon myself to teach myself how to play polyrhythms!

That song is a good example of how a polyrhythm works.
Essentially, it's drumming separate time signatures with different limbs.

For example..
Playing on your ride cymbal in a 4/4 signature with your right hand,
While playing a 5/4 bass beat pattern,
And using your snare in a 3/4.

Granted, I'm starting simple.
4/4 right hand, with 3/4 or 5/4 beats with my snare and bass.

Because I learn by watching and listening, I've been watching this cover as much as possible.

Interestingly enough, I already know how to play them!
I've actually been using them in my drumming style, I just.. Never knew they were polyrhythms.
I mean, I can't perfectly count out the beats, and I have no clue how I'd teach them to someone.
But.. It's really hard to explain.
The rhythm just makes sense in my head.
I plan to learn how they work.

I've also ended up just jamming on my drumset by myself.

I've had these rhythms and beats in my head..
That do not fit with any songs I have.

They're.. Ideas, fills, beats, solos.. They're all things that I can hear in my head.
And it's so much fun to play them!
I'm really expanding the way I play the drums.

I really, really want to start making drum covers for Youtube.
I just need a decent quality camera along with a recording studio for the drums.
Not an epic recording studio, but at least some mics for the bass, snare, toms, and some cymbals.

I'll get on that.

That's my musical rant.

Well, tonight's blog is going on for a while..
I'm actually talking with a few friends.
Giving advice, listening to venting, etc etc.
I love being here for my friends.

Hmmm.. What else to say.
I don't think I have anything left really.

I'm going to go play some Street Fighter, maybe some Dark Souls, maybe some Killing Floor..
I don't know.

Gotta keep myself busy!

Have a good evening//night//day!

-Nolan

Have some GIFS.

CUTEST. GIF. EVER.
EVER.

EVER.

Huehuehue

I don't even know.

Sleep tight!

11/2- Friday!

It's the weekend!
Finally!

I'm very happy about it being the weekend.

Dane, Geoff, Aaron, Shaun, and Ben came over.
It's pretty awesome.

We've sat around playing video games, watching Netflix, making stupid jokes, eating food..
Yeah.

It's really nice.

I'm having a fantastic night.

Keeps me busy, which I definitely like.

So.. Yeah!

That's it for now.

G'night!

-Nolan

11/1- November.. Already?

Well, it's November. That was pretty fast.
Part of me is very happy that it's November!
It's relatively close to being Christmas!
I'm hoping I can get my first tattoo as my Christmas present this year.

The other part of me is decidedly not happy that it's November.
The next months coming up to my birthday are going to be a little.. Iffy.

But as usual, I just gotta keep myself busy!

Anyway.

Well, the guys are coming over tomorrow!

Shaun, Ben, Caleb, Aaron, and Geoff.
At least I think they all are. Gotta confirm with them.

Uhm..
I don't know what else to say.

Just.. Yeahhh.
No idea.

Oh!

Check out this blog right here.
Kevin has some phenomenal photography, and his life is actually interesting!

So check it out. I like his blog a lot.

I think that's it..
I'm going to bed.

See ya!

-Nolan

10/31- This is Halloween!

Well, it is (was) Halloween!
What did I do?

Did I go trick-or-treat-ing?
Get drunk with friends?
Dress up as a slutty nurse and hit on guys?
Watch a bunch of scary movies?

Nope.

This was my night!

Aaron came over, we (he) made a bunch of queso, bought some chips, and sat in my basement watching movies // tv shows on Netflix, playing video games, watching music videos, and discussing what we'd do if we won the $32 million lottery.

It was a pretty awesome night. I had lots of fun.

It was.. Basically what we do every Wednesday night, but it was special, because it was Halloween!

So we made something Halloween-appropriate, like... Queso... Yeah..
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Let's see.. What else happened today.
It was a Wednesday, so let's see.
I ended up staying home for my first class, because I woke up achy, sore, upset, and a general feeling of sickness. So I slept an extra hour or two, then went to my Literature class, which was good.
I like my professor, and it's a pretty easy class with a relaxed atmosphere, so I'm okay with showing up feeling like shit, because I know it won't be a bad class.

Nerd Time will be short because I'm tired, and I need to be in bed soon, because I have therapy at 11 today.

I completed my first playthrough with my Cleric on Dark Souls today. 20 hours or so, and that's with some farming in there to level and buy stuff.
Really fun!
I've made a new character though today, and named him Mantheon. I'm going with the unofficial-internet-challenge to complete the game while never wearing armor.
It'll be fun.
I'm having fun with Dark Souls, and I think I'll be playing it for a while.

Anyway. Being up at 11.
Counseling?
Therapy? I'm not sure what to call it.
I see my psychologist and we talk about life.
So.. Counseling, I suppose.

Whatever it is, I see him at 11.
I'm.. Not too excited. I don't know why. I just.. Don't want to talk to anyone.
I'm not in the mood to sit back and evaluate my life and what I've been feeling, how I've been thinking, and.. I just don't want to talk about my thoughts.

In the last 3 days, I've gotten maybe 5 texts from friends.
The reason this bothers me is because it seems like, for 95% of my friends, I'm always the one that starts the conversation.
Not many people take time out of their day to talk to me first and ask me how I'm feeling.
There are people I try to talk to, and they just seem distant.
That's a majority of the people I know right now. Everyone seems so far away. Like I'm getting pushed out from peoples' lives. It's not a good feeling.

It bothers me.
But like I said, it's not for all of my friends.
A large portion of them are that way though.

There are also friends that I'd like to talk to, but I've found out that talking to them makes me think about the things that are going on in their lives, which.. Makes me very sad.
They've changed so much that I feel almost shunned when I talk to them, because they're so different, but I wasn't able to at least see them change.

Overall, I don't feel loved by many of my friends anymore.
I don't like this feeling. At all.

Completely off-topic, but I've found I'm extremely good at swallowing my pride.
I think it's because I generally live to please others, which kind of overrides my need to feel in control.
So I'm good at lowering myself to fix things with friends, because I don't really see myself as higher or better than anyone.

Self-analyzing of the day.

Let's see..
Today, I listened to this song again because one of my friends posted it!

Awesome song.
Makes me think of things past.
Memories that are the epitome of the word "bittersweet".

But nonetheless, a really really awesome song.
And an awesome movie.

Alright, I should go to bed.

Counseling at 11, then a test that I'm really not excited for at 12:30.

Sigh.

I want to sleep because I'm tired of being awake, but I'm really not excited for whatever the day holds.
I'd rather stay at this time for a while longer.

I... I don't know.

It's a Thursday.
Which means tomorrow is Friday.
Which is the weekend.

Ah!
Cooper comes home this weekend! I need to get ready to go see him!
I'm excited for that.

But I didn't keep up with my own self-promise, and I'm way out of shape and overweight. I need to do something about that. Hmph.
Hopefully I get up the motivation.

Alright, now I really need to go to sleep.

Overall, today was really good.
Spent a fun evening with a wonderful friend.

I don't know what I'd do without Aaron.
I'm going to try and go to sleep thinking positively.

Just keep on moving forward.
Not much else one can do.

The darker it gets during the night, the more you'll appreciate it when the light shines on you.

-Nolan