I didn't blog yesterday I knowwww I forgot. I was having fun with friends sooo I didn't.
I tried my first sip of vodka and it was nasty it smelle d like rubbing alcohol and tasted bad.
But it was like $8 vodka sooo I don't know what I was expecting.
Whoa I'm dizzy.
Uh tonight I had more fun I had Aaron and Dane over we drank and played Zelda Four Swords and Cloudberry Kingdom it was FUN. And drank. I got this stuff to make a drink and it was this like sour apple schnapps and and this like I don't know. Called Midori Melon licqueoruseoir or something fancy like that.
It tastes like candy and is tasty and easy to drink therefore I drank it quickly and I am slightly dizzy and fuzzy. Though I don'w know how much is just my mind exaggerating it and how drunk I actually am though after like the equivalent of 6 or so shots over maybe 4 hours it wouldn't surprise me. I stuk to my limit of 1 dirnk an hour yesterday and it was boring so today it was 1.5 drinks an hour and the last 1.5 I took actually hit me so I'm very loose and relaxed and such. I miss Lizzi and I haven't seen her in a couple weeks is that creepy I don't think it is she's my friend after all. I hope we hang out soon I want to play Dante's Inferno with her some night I bought it for her and we haven't played it and I hopwe we do soon. It would be fun. But anyway I don't want to just be drunk and ramble on about it that's weird right but dude this drunk thing is fun I like it a lot.
I'm dizzy and such and I enjoy this feeling. And the drinks tasted like sour apple soda so like if I didn't have a limit I could friggin chug that stuff all night and wouldn't even notice. Hopefully some day I'll be able to have a little bith igher of a limit and can actually get drunk a little faster than like 4 hours into it. I'm having a very good night and I actually enjoy this. It's comfortable and enjoyable. Because I'm not completely sloshed so I can think relatively straight and talk to people fairly normally and I mean obviousoy my blog is suffering and the spelling is bad when I don't bother to fix it cause it's a long word but still like I think I'm having a great night.
Okayy I'm going to go play video games while intoxicated BYYYEEE
Lve
_Nolan
Friday, January 31, 2014
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
1/29- Today wasn't bad!
In fact, it was passable!
Not bad.
I started off with my normal 7 am workout which... Bleh. Really didn't want to wake up and move today, but I did anyway! I actually got out of bed by myself! I'm proud of that. I ran a mile in almost 20 seconds faster than I did yesterday too! I figure about 9 minutes is a good amount for me to focus around, as less will be pushing it a little too much for me to be doing daily. I gotta get in shape. So it's happening.
Tomorrow is my birthday!
It's weird.
It doesn't feel like it, but maybe that's just me.
I plan on getting a little tipsy with Christine and Caleb, playing some video games, and being lazy! Friday is when my actual 21-year old friends are coming, so we'll actually drink a bit more and play more games so that should be entertaining. So odds are, my blog tomorrow will either be nonexistant, or strange sounding.
After class today, I went and took my math quiz, which I got a 100 on! After that, I sat at home and took a nap till my tutor showed up, then I learned some exciting trig stuff. Aaron headed over after and we played some video games, then he went home.
I just spent a good hour trying to set up my Skyrim for high-quality graphics, and it worked! So if I find a good screenshot, I'll put it in here before I post it.
I'm off to play a bit then get some sleep.
Night night everyone.
Love,
-Nolan
Not bad.
I started off with my normal 7 am workout which... Bleh. Really didn't want to wake up and move today, but I did anyway! I actually got out of bed by myself! I'm proud of that. I ran a mile in almost 20 seconds faster than I did yesterday too! I figure about 9 minutes is a good amount for me to focus around, as less will be pushing it a little too much for me to be doing daily. I gotta get in shape. So it's happening.
Tomorrow is my birthday!
It's weird.
It doesn't feel like it, but maybe that's just me.
I plan on getting a little tipsy with Christine and Caleb, playing some video games, and being lazy! Friday is when my actual 21-year old friends are coming, so we'll actually drink a bit more and play more games so that should be entertaining. So odds are, my blog tomorrow will either be nonexistant, or strange sounding.
After class today, I went and took my math quiz, which I got a 100 on! After that, I sat at home and took a nap till my tutor showed up, then I learned some exciting trig stuff. Aaron headed over after and we played some video games, then he went home.
I just spent a good hour trying to set up my Skyrim for high-quality graphics, and it worked! So if I find a good screenshot, I'll put it in here before I post it.
I'm off to play a bit then get some sleep.
Night night everyone.
Love,
-Nolan
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
01/28- Today was good!
I didn't actually DO much today, it was just good.
First off, I ran my mile in 9:24, about 40 seconds faster than yesterday! Great feeling!
Then, I headed to class and bought a little protein shake-type thing and drank it, just to see. It wasn't horrible, I was surprised. I don't wanna get bulky muscle, but hey, protein shakes are supposed to help with lean muscle too, so I went with that. I keep meaning to do yoga every day but forget. I'll try to remember tomorrow.
Ah anyway. After that, I went off to math class to do math-y things.
I went out to the store after class to buy some ingredients for a couple different protein-based meals that I wanted to cook tonight, but my dad picked me up soup! So the protein-based meal was delayed. But I did have some chicken and brown rice with it, and only drank a small bit of lemonade with my meal. I'm going to attempt to eat and drink and snack healthier over the coming weeks, and my mom is going to help me learn to cook better. I gotta be able to cook if I wanna land myself a fly honey amirite? Oh! I completed my math quiz on my first try today and was awfully proud of myself. With a 90%. Score!
For the evening, I watched some Netflix and sat around doing nothing, and I'm finishing up installing a few mods on Skyrim to make it pretty. So that's really it. I'm off to bed, gotta be up early tomorrow morning. Gotta get fit. See, my goal for the semester is to work out enough and get a body that, when I take off my shirt at the pool, there's an abundance of lens flare, time slows, music plays, and girls look over the tops of their sunglasses at me.
Love,
-Nolan
First off, I ran my mile in 9:24, about 40 seconds faster than yesterday! Great feeling!
Then, I headed to class and bought a little protein shake-type thing and drank it, just to see. It wasn't horrible, I was surprised. I don't wanna get bulky muscle, but hey, protein shakes are supposed to help with lean muscle too, so I went with that. I keep meaning to do yoga every day but forget. I'll try to remember tomorrow.
Ah anyway. After that, I went off to math class to do math-y things.
I went out to the store after class to buy some ingredients for a couple different protein-based meals that I wanted to cook tonight, but my dad picked me up soup! So the protein-based meal was delayed. But I did have some chicken and brown rice with it, and only drank a small bit of lemonade with my meal. I'm going to attempt to eat and drink and snack healthier over the coming weeks, and my mom is going to help me learn to cook better. I gotta be able to cook if I wanna land myself a fly honey amirite? Oh! I completed my math quiz on my first try today and was awfully proud of myself. With a 90%. Score!
For the evening, I watched some Netflix and sat around doing nothing, and I'm finishing up installing a few mods on Skyrim to make it pretty. So that's really it. I'm off to bed, gotta be up early tomorrow morning. Gotta get fit. See, my goal for the semester is to work out enough and get a body that, when I take off my shirt at the pool, there's an abundance of lens flare, time slows, music plays, and girls look over the tops of their sunglasses at me.
Love,
-Nolan
Monday, January 27, 2014
01/27- WELL then. Today...
Was an absolute travesty, not gonna lie. Worst day I've had in a long, long time.
However, it started out pretty great. It snowed a metric butt-ton, which wasn't cool, so my mom let me borrow her car and driving up there was kinda sucky, and walking to the gym was even worse.
I managed to run a mile in just under 10 minutes, and did a good amount of arm workouts, though I forgot to grab the weights and do some curls, but I'll get that done next arm day. Tomorrow is leg day, woooooohoo.
After working out, I went to class. Class was alright, not super exciting. I ended up being late for my second and third class, purely because the roads were so bad and I have to drive on and off campus within 10 minutes or so. So that sucked. While I was headed home, I slid a couple times and rammed into the curb, which was the icing on the shit cake that my day had been so far. When I got home, I started doing math homework, but it pissed me off and upset me so much that I started to have a panic attack, at which point I had a distressing conversation with a friend and started actually missing someone I shouldn't miss, pushed one of my best friends away from me mid-panic attack, then spent the next couple of hours wallowing in depression, so I followed one of my coping methods and simply took a nap so I didn't have to deal with it. I woke up and finished most of the math homework and had a nice long conversation with Ashley about my day and what I was feeling, and the best phrase I heard her say was "Well maybe she's not the one who'd make your TiMER beep." Which was actually something I needed to hear at that point. I'm just trying to learn to give people their space when they ask me to, which is difficult simply because whenever someone had asked me that, it generally meant they didn't want me around them at all because I was turning into a nuisance. Obviously that's not always the case, it's just a mental barricade I have to overcome so I can learn to leave people to themselves when they ask me to, otherwise I just get clingy and obnoxious, which kinda ruins any chances with them. So I'm learning at least.
Lizzi had a particularly inspiring status today;
"Hope is not enough. If you want something, get it.
Take the steps to reach your goals. Don't wait for the "what if".
If you're sad, change the scenery.
If you're happy, work harder to make yourself happier.
No race was ever won by standing still.
If someone hurts you, cut them out of your life.
There's someone better.
If someone makes you happy, do everything you can to return the favor.
There's over 7 billion people in the world, and they all have something amazing to offer you. Don't waste your limited time being brought down by a few, when there's so much opportunity for more."
However, it started out pretty great. It snowed a metric butt-ton, which wasn't cool, so my mom let me borrow her car and driving up there was kinda sucky, and walking to the gym was even worse.
I managed to run a mile in just under 10 minutes, and did a good amount of arm workouts, though I forgot to grab the weights and do some curls, but I'll get that done next arm day. Tomorrow is leg day, woooooohoo.
After working out, I went to class. Class was alright, not super exciting. I ended up being late for my second and third class, purely because the roads were so bad and I have to drive on and off campus within 10 minutes or so. So that sucked. While I was headed home, I slid a couple times and rammed into the curb, which was the icing on the shit cake that my day had been so far. When I got home, I started doing math homework, but it pissed me off and upset me so much that I started to have a panic attack, at which point I had a distressing conversation with a friend and started actually missing someone I shouldn't miss, pushed one of my best friends away from me mid-panic attack, then spent the next couple of hours wallowing in depression, so I followed one of my coping methods and simply took a nap so I didn't have to deal with it. I woke up and finished most of the math homework and had a nice long conversation with Ashley about my day and what I was feeling, and the best phrase I heard her say was "Well maybe she's not the one who'd make your TiMER beep." Which was actually something I needed to hear at that point. I'm just trying to learn to give people their space when they ask me to, which is difficult simply because whenever someone had asked me that, it generally meant they didn't want me around them at all because I was turning into a nuisance. Obviously that's not always the case, it's just a mental barricade I have to overcome so I can learn to leave people to themselves when they ask me to, otherwise I just get clingy and obnoxious, which kinda ruins any chances with them. So I'm learning at least.
Lizzi had a particularly inspiring status today;
"Hope is not enough. If you want something, get it.
Take the steps to reach your goals. Don't wait for the "what if".
If you're sad, change the scenery.
If you're happy, work harder to make yourself happier.
No race was ever won by standing still.
If someone hurts you, cut them out of your life.
There's someone better.
If someone makes you happy, do everything you can to return the favor.
There's over 7 billion people in the world, and they all have something amazing to offer you. Don't waste your limited time being brought down by a few, when there's so much opportunity for more."
And then posted this for reference, and that kind of gave me a moment to sit back and think of how often I put my hopes and efforts into a select few people, be it romantically or not.
After talking with her, I felt a little better. We both vented about some stuff that had happened lately, and it felt good to have someone to talk to, as I kind of... Chased off... Everyone else today. She seems to be the only one who wasn't nervous or anything about my emotional state. It was refreshing.
Well I think that's really it. I have to take my meds and get some sleep if I'm going to be up in time to go work out and actually find parking. And also apologize to the people I pushed away. So I'm off to do that... Night night everyone.
With love,
-Nolan
After talking with her, I felt a little better. We both vented about some stuff that had happened lately, and it felt good to have someone to talk to, as I kind of... Chased off... Everyone else today. She seems to be the only one who wasn't nervous or anything about my emotional state. It was refreshing.
Well I think that's really it. I have to take my meds and get some sleep if I'm going to be up in time to go work out and actually find parking. And also apologize to the people I pushed away. So I'm off to do that... Night night everyone.
With love,
-Nolan
Sunday, January 26, 2014
01/26- Well I missed 4 days, sooooo here's what's been happening.
I DID follow through on that 7 AM workout! As a matter of fact, I did it again on Wednesday and Friday, and I'm doing it again tomorrow. I've been doing daily workouts, though Sundays are going to be my day off, just so I don't push it too much. Hmm what else happened...
Oh! I got yelled at by a professor on my first day of speech class! He had a problem with me using a laptop, but instead of being mature about it, he basically told me I was being a terrible student for making the professor hate me on my first day. SOooooOO I dropped out of that and got into a different class that actually matters. It's quite fantastic.
Hmmmm let's seeeeeee... I turn 21 on Thursday! So if I blog, it will most likely be a slightly tipsy blog. Not sure yet. We'll find out I suppose! I've always wanted to know what I'd be like drunk.
Uhhhh. I don't really know what else to say, to be honest. Basically, my week was just getting adapted to my classes, working out, and being lazy. Don't worry though, things will get interesting soon enough. At least I hope so.
So that's the week, how about my day.
I woke up and headed downstairs to play video games with Caleb and Christine, so we played a few games of League of Legends, which was great. We're trying to get back into the swing of things and actually be good at it again, like we used to be. After they left, I sat around the house being lazy for a few hours, then my dad rented Kickass 2 for us. It was... Much deeper than I expected. It was really, really good actually. Hilarious too.
Alright, well I'm starting to pass out, that new extra 20mg of medication is hitting me hard. I'm gonna get some sleep, and wake up nice n' early at 6:30 to go work out, even though it's going to be windy and snowy and cold! : D
With love,
-Nolan
Oh! I got yelled at by a professor on my first day of speech class! He had a problem with me using a laptop, but instead of being mature about it, he basically told me I was being a terrible student for making the professor hate me on my first day. SOooooOO I dropped out of that and got into a different class that actually matters. It's quite fantastic.
Hmmmm let's seeeeeee... I turn 21 on Thursday! So if I blog, it will most likely be a slightly tipsy blog. Not sure yet. We'll find out I suppose! I've always wanted to know what I'd be like drunk.
Uhhhh. I don't really know what else to say, to be honest. Basically, my week was just getting adapted to my classes, working out, and being lazy. Don't worry though, things will get interesting soon enough. At least I hope so.
So that's the week, how about my day.
I woke up and headed downstairs to play video games with Caleb and Christine, so we played a few games of League of Legends, which was great. We're trying to get back into the swing of things and actually be good at it again, like we used to be. After they left, I sat around the house being lazy for a few hours, then my dad rented Kickass 2 for us. It was... Much deeper than I expected. It was really, really good actually. Hilarious too.
Alright, well I'm starting to pass out, that new extra 20mg of medication is hitting me hard. I'm gonna get some sleep, and wake up nice n' early at 6:30 to go work out, even though it's going to be windy and snowy and cold! : D
With love,
-Nolan
Monday, January 20, 2014
01/20- I worked out today!
I actually accomplished something! Impressive, right?
I went out with Ashley to the CSU gym and did a few things, like running on the treadmill, lifting weights, and doing a pretty killer ab workout. I loved every minute of it.
So tomorrow before class, I'm going to do the leg portion of it. She doesn't enjoy working out with someone, so it'll just be me. But I'm fine with that. Feels good to do something for once, and if I can keep this going, it'll be fantastic. I'm going to at least try to run a mile every day, and do the other stuff if I can. But the mile run for sure daily.
Alright, I need to vent so if that doesn't seem exciting feel free to skip to the end.
So I've been feeling lonely, right? I think it's just because a large portion of my friends have either a) someone they're with or b) someone they're interested in whom they get to see on a regular basis. Whereas I have the latter, but I don't get to see her too often. Obviously she has a life and lots of other busy things to do, which I get! Not everyone has as much free time and lack of social life as I do. I just have to drop the expectation of seeing her every few days, and I'll be fine. We do talk a little bit daily, which is nice. To me, it seems that I'm just expecting too much from her. And the more I get my hopes up, the more it'll hurt if I get let down, so I need to teach myself to not my hopes up so high. Not just about this, either. Pretty much in every area of my life I need to keep my expectations realistic. When I get that down, I'm sure I'll feel better about it. And plus, girls aren't really attracted to overly hopeful guys who get obsessive, which, to be honest, I've been in the past, particularly... with... her... BUT I'm looking to change that! I want to be mature about my feelings for someone for the first time in my life. It may hurt more if it's not what I'm hoping for, but that's to be expected. If I'm mature about it, I can put up with the disappointment and deal with it in a healthy way. So... Yeah. I'm working hard to be more mature, realistic, and not get my hopes up ridiculously high over what could be nothing. Does that make sense? I hope it does. I'm just looking for a non-biased place to put my feelings, since I don't get the chance to say a lot of the things I want to say to various peoples' faces. And since I don't get comments and my blog doesn't automatically respond with me, putting my feelings to a non-responsive audience will do for me. I just... Ugh. I don't know. I'm a little too hopeful about this situation for my own comfort, and I'm trying to grow stronger in this for me, and not just for her. I don't want to change myself entirely for someone else, because if they ever leave, I'll slump back into my own ways. So if I can learn to be realistic but still feel the depth of my feelings and use them appropriately, I'll do far better with relationships in general, romantic and not. She's important to me, you know? And even if I can't be with her as I've always wanted, I can at least be here for her when she needs a shoulder to cry on or someone to celebrate with. Sigh. There's just a lot in my head right now, and it's all getting muddled. I'm just making sure I don't miss anything that I'm comfortable sharing. I think that's really it. Gotta stay realistic but keep the depth of my feelings. That won't necessarily make her be interested in me, but it'll certainly be a massive confidence boost for myself, which is more what I'm interested in right now. The more confident and secure in myself I am, the more comfortable I'll be pursuing someone! I think it's weird that I haven't said any of this to her. But since she reads my blog... Well she can see it anyway. If you're reading this... Hi. Also I have something to tell you so talk to me soon! And we better play Dante's Inferno sometime soon. I figure, if she wants to talk to me about something I've said, she will. But that's her action, not mine. My job is to be her friend. Her friend that makes uncomfortably large amounts of stupid pickup lines and flirts in a really stupid way since I never really learned how to flirt so I have no idea what I'm doing. BUT ANYWAY. Yeah... I'm done. Onward and upward.
Okay done venting. You can read again.
Video games! You know, I originally wanted to make this a video game blog but never did. I'll try to cover a little bit about games I'm playing though, just to keep you super-excited and interested. To start, here's my Steam library.
I have a modest amount of games. Not nearly as much as some people, but still. I just haven't been in a gaming mood lately. But I've played a decent amount of Battlefield: Bad Company 2, Planetside 2, Bioshock Infinite, Far Cry 3 (Which I'm gonna finish after my shower), and Need For Speed Shift 2. I don't have anything really to say about them... I dunno. I'm just kind of stalling so not all of the blog will be about my lame emotions. Sooooooo...
Birthday is next week! I'm going to get (hopefully) not trashed, but slightly drunk. I don't even know what kind of drunk I am, so I'm looking forward to it. Caleb and Christine are going to be with me so I know I'll be safe, and I think it'll be a great night. I'm still deciding what drinks I'll get. Probably just fruity alcohol because I like fruity stuff [laughs loudly]. Okay not too loudly. Settle down. Well it just occurred to me that I haven't showered since I got back from the gym, soooooo I'm gonna get that done.
Talk to you later folks,
-Nolan
I went out with Ashley to the CSU gym and did a few things, like running on the treadmill, lifting weights, and doing a pretty killer ab workout. I loved every minute of it.
So tomorrow before class, I'm going to do the leg portion of it. She doesn't enjoy working out with someone, so it'll just be me. But I'm fine with that. Feels good to do something for once, and if I can keep this going, it'll be fantastic. I'm going to at least try to run a mile every day, and do the other stuff if I can. But the mile run for sure daily.
Alright, I need to vent so if that doesn't seem exciting feel free to skip to the end.
So I've been feeling lonely, right? I think it's just because a large portion of my friends have either a) someone they're with or b) someone they're interested in whom they get to see on a regular basis. Whereas I have the latter, but I don't get to see her too often. Obviously she has a life and lots of other busy things to do, which I get! Not everyone has as much free time and lack of social life as I do. I just have to drop the expectation of seeing her every few days, and I'll be fine. We do talk a little bit daily, which is nice. To me, it seems that I'm just expecting too much from her. And the more I get my hopes up, the more it'll hurt if I get let down, so I need to teach myself to not my hopes up so high. Not just about this, either. Pretty much in every area of my life I need to keep my expectations realistic. When I get that down, I'm sure I'll feel better about it. And plus, girls aren't really attracted to overly hopeful guys who get obsessive, which, to be honest, I've been in the past, particularly... with... her... BUT I'm looking to change that! I want to be mature about my feelings for someone for the first time in my life. It may hurt more if it's not what I'm hoping for, but that's to be expected. If I'm mature about it, I can put up with the disappointment and deal with it in a healthy way. So... Yeah. I'm working hard to be more mature, realistic, and not get my hopes up ridiculously high over what could be nothing. Does that make sense? I hope it does. I'm just looking for a non-biased place to put my feelings, since I don't get the chance to say a lot of the things I want to say to various peoples' faces. And since I don't get comments and my blog doesn't automatically respond with me, putting my feelings to a non-responsive audience will do for me. I just... Ugh. I don't know. I'm a little too hopeful about this situation for my own comfort, and I'm trying to grow stronger in this for me, and not just for her. I don't want to change myself entirely for someone else, because if they ever leave, I'll slump back into my own ways. So if I can learn to be realistic but still feel the depth of my feelings and use them appropriately, I'll do far better with relationships in general, romantic and not. She's important to me, you know? And even if I can't be with her as I've always wanted, I can at least be here for her when she needs a shoulder to cry on or someone to celebrate with. Sigh. There's just a lot in my head right now, and it's all getting muddled. I'm just making sure I don't miss anything that I'm comfortable sharing. I think that's really it. Gotta stay realistic but keep the depth of my feelings. That won't necessarily make her be interested in me, but it'll certainly be a massive confidence boost for myself, which is more what I'm interested in right now. The more confident and secure in myself I am, the more comfortable I'll be pursuing someone! I think it's weird that I haven't said any of this to her. But since she reads my blog... Well she can see it anyway. If you're reading this... Hi. Also I have something to tell you so talk to me soon! And we better play Dante's Inferno sometime soon. I figure, if she wants to talk to me about something I've said, she will. But that's her action, not mine. My job is to be her friend. Her friend that makes uncomfortably large amounts of stupid pickup lines and flirts in a really stupid way since I never really learned how to flirt so I have no idea what I'm doing. BUT ANYWAY. Yeah... I'm done. Onward and upward.
Okay done venting. You can read again.
Video games! You know, I originally wanted to make this a video game blog but never did. I'll try to cover a little bit about games I'm playing though, just to keep you super-excited and interested. To start, here's my Steam library.
I have a modest amount of games. Not nearly as much as some people, but still. I just haven't been in a gaming mood lately. But I've played a decent amount of Battlefield: Bad Company 2, Planetside 2, Bioshock Infinite, Far Cry 3 (Which I'm gonna finish after my shower), and Need For Speed Shift 2. I don't have anything really to say about them... I dunno. I'm just kind of stalling so not all of the blog will be about my lame emotions. Sooooooo...
Birthday is next week! I'm going to get (hopefully) not trashed, but slightly drunk. I don't even know what kind of drunk I am, so I'm looking forward to it. Caleb and Christine are going to be with me so I know I'll be safe, and I think it'll be a great night. I'm still deciding what drinks I'll get. Probably just fruity alcohol because I like fruity stuff [laughs loudly]. Okay not too loudly. Settle down. Well it just occurred to me that I haven't showered since I got back from the gym, soooooo I'm gonna get that done.
Talk to you later folks,
-Nolan
Sunday, January 19, 2014
01/19- Early blog today.
In case you can't tell from the use of actual punctuation in my title, I'm not in a good mood. At all.
I don't know really what it is today, I've just been... Pissed the fuck off all day.
Maybe it's because I slept most of the day. I don't know. And honestly right now, I don't care either.
I'm just fed up with a lot of things. Nothing today went as I had planned it out, from getting a hold of numerous friends, to my hookah making me feel sick instead of fantastic, to my computer having issues with a couple programs.
I guess I was just exceptionally lonely today. I had lots of ideas on stuff to do the last couple days of winter break before school starts up, and none of them worked. I think it's just because everyone else was busy with their own plans. Not too busy for ME per se, I'm not that selfish. But it just sucked because the last few days everyone has been super busy and I feel left out. Oh well. School starts Tuesday, I'll have shit to do and stuff to focus on so that'll help me at least not be bored. But I do have to realize that I haven't allowed myself to be upset at all for a couple months... I've been trying to learn to power through it, and I think it's all hitting me at once. So the next couple months will most likely be some really hard ones, as they're all going to tidal wave into me. But I have no doubt I'll be fine, I just have to find out who will be willing to support me and who will push me away.
Ah... I'm in a bad mood. What can I say. But I think I'll let it happen this time. Let myself feel upset, let myself feel angry, let myself feel not positive things. I just need to let my emotions flow. Just have to let my emotions run through me and respect them, don't try to change them, and let them engulf me but not overwhelm me. That's what I've gathered from a few pictures on the Meditation subreddit.
I can't think of anything else to really say.
I'm just worn out right now, physically and emotionally. Mostly emotionally, which is draining me physically.
Let's talk about something else.
Tomorrow I get to hang out with my friend Ashley! I'm very excited. We're going to go to the CSU gym a few times each week (in theory). It'll feel great to actually work out a bit. We're gonna get super hot swimsuit-ready bodies in time for summer, assuming I actually join in. Which I really want to. I gotta drop a tiny bit of chubby and gain a lot more muscles. I think I could get myself to actually do it. I just have to make the first few times.
Uhhh...
That seems like it's it really.
I feel slightly better right now. Not worse at least. But I can already feel that I'm going to get upset later, which is okay. I'll handle it then. But right now, I'm going to go play some video games! Good night everyone, have a wonderful rest of your night and a better day tomorrow.
-Nolan
I don't know really what it is today, I've just been... Pissed the fuck off all day.
Maybe it's because I slept most of the day. I don't know. And honestly right now, I don't care either.
I'm just fed up with a lot of things. Nothing today went as I had planned it out, from getting a hold of numerous friends, to my hookah making me feel sick instead of fantastic, to my computer having issues with a couple programs.
I guess I was just exceptionally lonely today. I had lots of ideas on stuff to do the last couple days of winter break before school starts up, and none of them worked. I think it's just because everyone else was busy with their own plans. Not too busy for ME per se, I'm not that selfish. But it just sucked because the last few days everyone has been super busy and I feel left out. Oh well. School starts Tuesday, I'll have shit to do and stuff to focus on so that'll help me at least not be bored. But I do have to realize that I haven't allowed myself to be upset at all for a couple months... I've been trying to learn to power through it, and I think it's all hitting me at once. So the next couple months will most likely be some really hard ones, as they're all going to tidal wave into me. But I have no doubt I'll be fine, I just have to find out who will be willing to support me and who will push me away.
Ah... I'm in a bad mood. What can I say. But I think I'll let it happen this time. Let myself feel upset, let myself feel angry, let myself feel not positive things. I just need to let my emotions flow. Just have to let my emotions run through me and respect them, don't try to change them, and let them engulf me but not overwhelm me. That's what I've gathered from a few pictures on the Meditation subreddit.
I can't think of anything else to really say.
I'm just worn out right now, physically and emotionally. Mostly emotionally, which is draining me physically.
Let's talk about something else.
Tomorrow I get to hang out with my friend Ashley! I'm very excited. We're going to go to the CSU gym a few times each week (in theory). It'll feel great to actually work out a bit. We're gonna get super hot swimsuit-ready bodies in time for summer, assuming I actually join in. Which I really want to. I gotta drop a tiny bit of chubby and gain a lot more muscles. I think I could get myself to actually do it. I just have to make the first few times.
Uhhh...
That seems like it's it really.
I feel slightly better right now. Not worse at least. But I can already feel that I'm going to get upset later, which is okay. I'll handle it then. But right now, I'm going to go play some video games! Good night everyone, have a wonderful rest of your night and a better day tomorrow.
-Nolan
01/18- Derp, forgot to post yesterday.
Okay, you got me. I didn't forget. I just chose not to.
You see, Christine and Caleb were over and we were up till maybe 3 playing Alien Swarm (great co-op game, I recommend to everyone as it's free), and I went up to go to bed, laid down all warm, and then...
Shit. I forgot to blog.
So I just didn't! Because hell naw. I was sleepy.
Sooooo so so so so sososososo what has happened today... Uhh.
I woke up and... I have no idea. I accomplished nothing all day. I applied for some jobs, OH right Aaron came over I almost forgot. We played Lord of The Rings War In The North mostly, it was awesome. And got Taco Bell. And I turned the wrong way on a one-way street IT WAS SCARY AS SHIT WHEN HE WAS ALL "DUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE ONE WAY!" It was terrifying so I did my extremely nervous laugh after I pulled into another street to make a u-turn and laughed and kept laughing so I wouldn't cry.
After he left, I put in the new cooler that I was excited to put in my PC! And found out why the fan was making noise! Then almost threw the shit out the window when I learned the cooler didn't fit in my case as expected! So at least I have a quiet PC now. No nice cooler, but I can live with that.
That's pretty much my day.
So I'm very upset, and starting to cry due to some stuff. That is my cue to get some sleep. Sleep well my pretties, I'll talk to you tomorrow!
-Nolan
You see, Christine and Caleb were over and we were up till maybe 3 playing Alien Swarm (great co-op game, I recommend to everyone as it's free), and I went up to go to bed, laid down all warm, and then...
Shit. I forgot to blog.
So I just didn't! Because hell naw. I was sleepy.
Sooooo so so so so sososososo what has happened today... Uhh.
I woke up and... I have no idea. I accomplished nothing all day. I applied for some jobs, OH right Aaron came over I almost forgot. We played Lord of The Rings War In The North mostly, it was awesome. And got Taco Bell. And I turned the wrong way on a one-way street IT WAS SCARY AS SHIT WHEN HE WAS ALL "DUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE ONE WAY!" It was terrifying so I did my extremely nervous laugh after I pulled into another street to make a u-turn and laughed and kept laughing so I wouldn't cry.
After he left, I put in the new cooler that I was excited to put in my PC! And found out why the fan was making noise! Then almost threw the shit out the window when I learned the cooler didn't fit in my case as expected! So at least I have a quiet PC now. No nice cooler, but I can live with that.
That's pretty much my day.
So I'm very upset, and starting to cry due to some stuff. That is my cue to get some sleep. Sleep well my pretties, I'll talk to you tomorrow!
-Nolan
Thursday, January 16, 2014
01/16- My internet goes nyooom.
Well! Today was good. I woke up and told myself that I would have a kickass day, and so I did.
I had therapy today which was really good. I had a lot to talk about. I thought about some things differently when I walked out of there, which I think was a good thing. After that, I drove to a little game store near our house and picked up Forza Motorsport 4, because I've been waiting to get that game forever.
I played that for a few hours, then dad came home and set up the LAN line in my room, because the wifi was getting kinda screwy. And dear god I have a steady download rate of 7 mb/s, even while streaming Netflix. It's a fantastic feeling. I've downloaded about 8 or 9 games since he's gotten home, I love it.
I installed Planetside 2 and maxed out the settings to ultra and here's what came out:
It's so pretty omg.
I couldn't manage to take any other screenshots good enough to really save, but that's a cool-looking one that I love. It's a great feeling to max out games before I even bother playing them.
Let's see... Tomorrow will be good as well! I'm going over to Brittany's house, and we're going to smoke hookah, eat food, and watch movies. I'm going to pick up something called a phunnel bowl at a smoke shop on the way, because in theory, it keeps the flavor in the bowl longer. Uhh. Yeah...
That's it, really. I'm sleepy. I'll probably go to bed.
I suddenly am feeling alittle very upset, so I think it'd be best if I abandon all current activities and go pass out! So good night everyone, have a wonderful night, and morning.
-Nolan
I had therapy today which was really good. I had a lot to talk about. I thought about some things differently when I walked out of there, which I think was a good thing. After that, I drove to a little game store near our house and picked up Forza Motorsport 4, because I've been waiting to get that game forever.
I played that for a few hours, then dad came home and set up the LAN line in my room, because the wifi was getting kinda screwy. And dear god I have a steady download rate of 7 mb/s, even while streaming Netflix. It's a fantastic feeling. I've downloaded about 8 or 9 games since he's gotten home, I love it.
I installed Planetside 2 and maxed out the settings to ultra and here's what came out:
It's so pretty omg.
I couldn't manage to take any other screenshots good enough to really save, but that's a cool-looking one that I love. It's a great feeling to max out games before I even bother playing them.
Let's see... Tomorrow will be good as well! I'm going over to Brittany's house, and we're going to smoke hookah, eat food, and watch movies. I'm going to pick up something called a phunnel bowl at a smoke shop on the way, because in theory, it keeps the flavor in the bowl longer. Uhh. Yeah...
That's it, really. I'm sleepy. I'll probably go to bed.
I suddenly am feeling a
-Nolan
01/15- Today was actually quite fantastic. Plus I rant a bit.
Today was really, really good! I pretty much stayed at home for most of the morning, filling out applications and wishing the internet worked on my desktop. Eventually I got out of the house and went to drop off the ones I had completed.
Then I pretty much spammed Lizzi with messages until she agreed to come hang out with me. She agreed eventually, so I went and picked her up! This is the best part of my day. She told me that she blew off this guy named Coby to hang out with me. Now, let me explain why that's so exciting to me.
I've always had a thing for her for about... 8 years. We were just never single and in the same town at the same time. Soooo I made a promise to myself that whenever we were single at the same time, I'd pretty much go all out to show my interest and try to do cute shit for her. I whipped out a stupidly cute/pathetic line today, so I used that. First of all, I always wait for her outside my car because I always open the door for her. I tried to set her up to ask me "Why do you wait outside even if it's cold?" She never did, so I asked myself, to which I replied to myself "Because the carriage driver always helps the princess into the carriage first!" And then laughed. She kinda looked at me like I was dumb, but I still thought it was awesome and was proud of myself the whole night.
Anyway, back to Coby. Most of her friends are guys, and she hangs out with them a lot, which, in truth, doesn't bother me at all. But there's this guy named Coby who is obviously interested in her, or maybe that's just me being competitive. The masculine side of me kind of views him as competition, because he's... I don't know. Rich and attractive. But the more intelligent side of me reminds me that it is her life and she can be around who she wants, and it has no bearing on my well-being at all. I mean, let's face it. When I have feelings for someone, I get jealous of anyone they're around, simply because I want them to return my feelings, which isn't... exactly... healthy. However, I think that may just be because I haven't exactly had the healthiest relationships in the past, so I'm scared of them in general, yet also excited about them... Plus he tried to troll me once but it hit much closer to home than it should have, and really really hurt my feelings. So I don't like him. I'm sure he's a great guy, I just haven't really met him. But it was still pretty awesome that she blew him off to hang out with me. It put me in a good humour. Obviously it's her choice if she likes him or me or someone else or just doesn't get into a relationship at all, and since I care about her a lot, I'll be okay with whatever she chooses to do, and happy for her. But it's a fun idea for me to entertain in my head, you know? God, I sound like I'm obsessed. I swear I'm not, I'm just venting about what's on my mind cause that's the point of my blog and that's what's on my mind at the moment but anyway let's move on don't judge me please.
We drove around and sang and danced and made people look at us like we were stupid so it was a good night. We stopped by Wal-Mart for a drink, walked around the mall and reminisced about being angsty young preteens dressed in black, and got a car wash. Getting car washes is fun with her. We jam to awesome music and enjoy the crazy exciting water spraying my car.
After all that, I dropped her off at home. And thennnnnn I drove home happily and set up my hookah along with that Screwdriver shisha I've gotten. I'm one step closer to my mom letting me smoke in the house, so long as I use these steam stones that instead of putting out smoke, put out water vapor! She said she'd think about it, so I'm hoping I'll be able to. I'd love to watch tv and smoke hookah somewhere where it's actually warm because the garage gets freezing even with a space heater.
Uhhhhhhh that's really it I believe. Tomorrow I have a therapist appointment which is good 'cause I have a lot to talk about haha. Soooo I guess that's it. Nighty-night folks, talk to you tomorrow.
-Nolan
Then I pretty much spammed Lizzi with messages until she agreed to come hang out with me. She agreed eventually, so I went and picked her up! This is the best part of my day. She told me that she blew off this guy named Coby to hang out with me. Now, let me explain why that's so exciting to me.
I've always had a thing for her for about... 8 years. We were just never single and in the same town at the same time. Soooo I made a promise to myself that whenever we were single at the same time, I'd pretty much go all out to show my interest and try to do cute shit for her. I whipped out a stupidly cute/pathetic line today, so I used that. First of all, I always wait for her outside my car because I always open the door for her. I tried to set her up to ask me "Why do you wait outside even if it's cold?" She never did, so I asked myself, to which I replied to myself "Because the carriage driver always helps the princess into the carriage first!" And then laughed. She kinda looked at me like I was dumb, but I still thought it was awesome and was proud of myself the whole night.
Anyway, back to Coby. Most of her friends are guys, and she hangs out with them a lot, which, in truth, doesn't bother me at all. But there's this guy named Coby who is obviously interested in her, or maybe that's just me being competitive. The masculine side of me kind of views him as competition, because he's... I don't know. Rich and attractive. But the more intelligent side of me reminds me that it is her life and she can be around who she wants, and it has no bearing on my well-being at all. I mean, let's face it. When I have feelings for someone, I get jealous of anyone they're around, simply because I want them to return my feelings, which isn't... exactly... healthy. However, I think that may just be because I haven't exactly had the healthiest relationships in the past, so I'm scared of them in general, yet also excited about them... Plus he tried to troll me once but it hit much closer to home than it should have, and really really hurt my feelings. So I don't like him. I'm sure he's a great guy, I just haven't really met him. But it was still pretty awesome that she blew him off to hang out with me. It put me in a good humour. Obviously it's her choice if she likes him or me or someone else or just doesn't get into a relationship at all, and since I care about her a lot, I'll be okay with whatever she chooses to do, and happy for her. But it's a fun idea for me to entertain in my head, you know? God, I sound like I'm obsessed. I swear I'm not, I'm just venting about what's on my mind cause that's the point of my blog and that's what's on my mind at the moment but anyway let's move on don't judge me please.
We drove around and sang and danced and made people look at us like we were stupid so it was a good night. We stopped by Wal-Mart for a drink, walked around the mall and reminisced about being angsty young preteens dressed in black, and got a car wash. Getting car washes is fun with her. We jam to awesome music and enjoy the crazy exciting water spraying my car.
After all that, I dropped her off at home. And thennnnnn I drove home happily and set up my hookah along with that Screwdriver shisha I've gotten. I'm one step closer to my mom letting me smoke in the house, so long as I use these steam stones that instead of putting out smoke, put out water vapor! She said she'd think about it, so I'm hoping I'll be able to. I'd love to watch tv and smoke hookah somewhere where it's actually warm because the garage gets freezing even with a space heater.
Uhhhhhhh that's really it I believe. Tomorrow I have a therapist appointment which is good 'cause I have a lot to talk about haha. Soooo I guess that's it. Nighty-night folks, talk to you tomorrow.
-Nolan
 | |
| I laughed really hard okay |
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
01/14- Peeelz here.
Well, not really much happened today, I was pretty lazy.
I woke up and had a meeting with my psychiatrist, which was fun. He's a great guy, and we talked for a bit about a lot of things. I got one of my medication bumped up in dosage, so hopefully my mood will start to pick up a little bit. I'm tired of being unhappy.
Let's see... Honestly, that's all that's happened today. I don't have anything to bitch and moan about actually, today was awfully boring. The internet wasn't working for most of the day, I took a nap, I ate some ramen, I had some delicious hot and sour soup for dinner, I played video games... Not much.
Oh! I officially sent out an invitation to some friends for my birthday party. I'm turning 21, and exceptionally excited to learn how to make drinks. Particularly video game-themed. Here's a link to the drinks that I'm going to try and learn to make first. I'm thinking the Fallout 3 cocktail, but in a much smaller size.
My mood today has been kinda... Eh. Not bad, just not good. I've been trying to find people to hang out with the past couple days, but everyone seems busy. So I guess I'm just feeling lonely. But that's okay, I'll see people eventually, just gotta wait.
Let's see... That's really it. I'm gonna get some sleep now, I'm exhausted again. I don't... Have a clever sign-off. So... Good night everybody, and I'll see you all again tomorrow.
-Nolan
I woke up and had a meeting with my psychiatrist, which was fun. He's a great guy, and we talked for a bit about a lot of things. I got one of my medication bumped up in dosage, so hopefully my mood will start to pick up a little bit. I'm tired of being unhappy.
Let's see... Honestly, that's all that's happened today. I don't have anything to bitch and moan about actually, today was awfully boring. The internet wasn't working for most of the day, I took a nap, I ate some ramen, I had some delicious hot and sour soup for dinner, I played video games... Not much.
Oh! I officially sent out an invitation to some friends for my birthday party. I'm turning 21, and exceptionally excited to learn how to make drinks. Particularly video game-themed. Here's a link to the drinks that I'm going to try and learn to make first. I'm thinking the Fallout 3 cocktail, but in a much smaller size.
My mood today has been kinda... Eh. Not bad, just not good. I've been trying to find people to hang out with the past couple days, but everyone seems busy. So I guess I'm just feeling lonely. But that's okay, I'll see people eventually, just gotta wait.
Let's see... That's really it. I'm gonna get some sleep now, I'm exhausted again. I don't... Have a clever sign-off. So... Good night everybody, and I'll see you all again tomorrow.
-Nolan
Monday, January 13, 2014
01/13- To be honest, today was awful.
Now, I'm going to try to make an effort for this blog to be less... Complain-y than it has been in the past. But today was absolutely terrible, there's no better way to put it.
Let's start from the beginning.
Early morning and afternoon wasn't bad at all! I woke up and headed downstairs to hang out with Caleb and Christine, watch some TV, and clean up the basement (it really needed it). They headed out to talk to her parents about at least getting her phone back, and I headed to my room to play some games and be lazy. After a few hours, I got all dolled up and ready to go job hunting in town.
First stop was a little game store that I desperately want to work at, but they had no info for me. After that, I checked a few food places and general retail stores. Nobody really was hiring, so I got some websites to check and met some managers in the hopes that maybe they'll recognize my name and be interested in hiring me.
The last stop is what ruined it for me. I walked into my favorite coffee shop to get an application, and saw Taylor. See, I've been doing very well lately in terms of my emotions. So I was unpleasantly surprised when I left and suffered an immediate panic attack. I DON'T KNOW WHY. I can't figure it out. What the hell. I just... I was panicked, I was overly emotional, I was crying, I was breathing too fast, and I have no idea why. I immediately texted a few people to see if anyone was available to hang out with me, so I could just relax with friends. Everyone was busy, so I decided to buy some new shisha and head home. Throughout the rest of the day, everybody I tred to at least check in with was busy. Obviously their life doesn't revolve around me, and they can have prior engagements. I guess it was just bad timing so I felt like I was being ignored, though I know better than that.
Since peoples were busy, I smoked my new shisha myself and it was DELICIOUS. Called Screwdriver I believe, based off some sort of drink that I intend to get when I'm 21. Fruity and shit like that. Amazing.
Anyway. The rest of the night, the internet would cut in and out, so I couldn't apply anywhere online, and I couldn't even play games online. It was exceptionally frustrating.
However, I did get a gorgeous bit of advice from a friend.
I'm hoping things start to go better. I've been emotionally... Uncomfortable. There's no other way to put it. I've been having problems knowing what I should be feeling and when, and just confused, you know? It's so hard to explain. I've had great days and I've had horrible days, but that's life. Meh. I just feel... Almost stale. That's the best way I can think of describing it. Things will start to look up, I just have to hang in there and look forwards to better days.
Let's start from the beginning.
Early morning and afternoon wasn't bad at all! I woke up and headed downstairs to hang out with Caleb and Christine, watch some TV, and clean up the basement (it really needed it). They headed out to talk to her parents about at least getting her phone back, and I headed to my room to play some games and be lazy. After a few hours, I got all dolled up and ready to go job hunting in town.
First stop was a little game store that I desperately want to work at, but they had no info for me. After that, I checked a few food places and general retail stores. Nobody really was hiring, so I got some websites to check and met some managers in the hopes that maybe they'll recognize my name and be interested in hiring me.
The last stop is what ruined it for me. I walked into my favorite coffee shop to get an application, and saw Taylor. See, I've been doing very well lately in terms of my emotions. So I was unpleasantly surprised when I left and suffered an immediate panic attack. I DON'T KNOW WHY. I can't figure it out. What the hell. I just... I was panicked, I was overly emotional, I was crying, I was breathing too fast, and I have no idea why. I immediately texted a few people to see if anyone was available to hang out with me, so I could just relax with friends. Everyone was busy, so I decided to buy some new shisha and head home. Throughout the rest of the day, everybody I tred to at least check in with was busy. Obviously their life doesn't revolve around me, and they can have prior engagements. I guess it was just bad timing so I felt like I was being ignored, though I know better than that.
Since peoples were busy, I smoked my new shisha myself and it was DELICIOUS. Called Screwdriver I believe, based off some sort of drink that I intend to get when I'm 21. Fruity and shit like that. Amazing.
Anyway. The rest of the night, the internet would cut in and out, so I couldn't apply anywhere online, and I couldn't even play games online. It was exceptionally frustrating.
However, I did get a gorgeous bit of advice from a friend.
It was right after my panic attack. I was... Very, very angry with myself. I was convinced I was weak because I had an attack over something as small as seeing her, when it shouldn't have affected me like that.
I guess that's mainly it. It was... A bad day. I didn't like it. The best part of the day was smoking my new shisha, and... That's it.
I'm hoping things start to go better. I've been emotionally... Uncomfortable. There's no other way to put it. I've been having problems knowing what I should be feeling and when, and just confused, you know? It's so hard to explain. I've had great days and I've had horrible days, but that's life. Meh. I just feel... Almost stale. That's the best way I can think of describing it. Things will start to look up, I just have to hang in there and look forwards to better days.
Uhhhh yeah. I think that's all I can really think of for now. So good night everyone, and I hope your days are fantastic today!
-Nolan
01/12- Well, hello to all of you who still visit my blog!
Uhhh so... Hi, I guess. I haven't been here in a very long time.
Life has been awfully nuts in the past half-year or so. Just... Crazy.
Lots has happened, both good and bad. But it's happened, so there's not much I can do about it, right? Past is past. All I can do is keep moving forward.
I'm ridiculously exhausted right now. I've been having a week of ups and downs.
And plus I'm waiting for my heated blanket to warm up my sheets so I can get in bed to a cozy and comfy bed, so I figured I could at least write a blog post for the hell of it. Might as well, not much else to do!
Let's see... What to talk about... Hmmmm.
Well a while back I mentioned I had a crush on this particular girl, but I got turned down pretty quickly when I tried to explain how I felt. That's actually fine with me. I figure if I'm not what she's interested in, that's that. It's not that anything is wrong with me, it's just that she's looking for something, and I don't have that something. So I'm pretty fine with that, even though I've had a miniature crush on her for a couple years. Oh well! You win some, you lose some. There are plenty more fish in the sea.
Hmmm. I guess there's someone else I'm interested in, but that one has yet to play out. You know, after what happened with Taylor and after my recent Mountaincrest visit, I've taken it upon myself to learn to be a better person, and actually improve myself. I definitely feel like I'm doing a good job. Things that would have reduced me to tears have only slightly bothered me, but I've worked through them mentally to the point that it's comparable to a slight pin prick on your thumb. It's annoying and lightly painful, but the feeling will pass. I used to let it simmer in my head and my heart, and all it did was ruin my day and emotionally cripple me.
That being said, I'm not as... I don't know. It's hard to explain. But I mean, I feel like things with this girl are going to turn out alright. Scratch that, I know they're going to turn out okay. Obviously I really care for her, and I'd love for us to grow closer and become something more someday, even if I have to wait. However, if I'm not the one that she's interested in sharing that sort of relationship with, then I can't change that. As my friend Christine repeatedly pounds into my head when I mention her, "Worrying about it right now has absolutely no bearing on the future, and it will accomplish nothing." She's obviously very right. I'm just psyching myself out if I constantly think about her and constantly worry about what I should do if I want her to feel the same way. Because of this, I'm trying to approach it more realistically. Like I said before, I can't change anything if I'm just not the right one. As long as we can stay close friends, I honestly would be okay with that. Yeah, it would emotionally suck for a bit just because how much I care. But I'd be okay. Obviously I'd prefer to be with her, but I can't get everything I want haha. No matter what, I'll be fine. I'm a tough cookie. And for the first time on this blog, I'm going to compliment myself.
Ahem.
No matter what, I'll be fine. I mean, I am a pretty great guy. I'm obviously not saying that in a vain way, but I think I am. I'm devoted, I care a lot, and I'll go to great lengths to help the person I'm with. Obviously I tend to let the relationships get one-sided, but I'm working on that. So even if this girl doesn't want me, I'll find someone who does. But damn, I hope she does haha.
Anyway, new topic.
I've been so tired lately mostly because I've been stressing about school, I just... Don't want to go back. At the same time, I do. You know? It's weird. Instead of classes starting at 10 this semester, they start at 9. Ouch. Early bedtime for Nolan. However, I get out about an hour and a half earlier than I did last semester, so yay!
Other reason for exhaustion is I've been up late with Christine and Caleb. Christine recently got kicked out of her house by her parents because she hung up on her mom on the phone. No, I'm not exaggerating. I'm furious about it. Who in their right mind would kick their child out of the house, especially when she's getting married in 5 months?? I don't get it. So she's been staying here, and Caleb has been hanging out and going home early in the morning too.
Oh, I also built a gaming computer. I'll take pictures eventually and put them up, if I remember to blog again tomorrow haha. I have coffee with a friend tomorrow. I'm her sassy bi friend, and we enjoy making fun of white girls and their Ugg boots with leggings with Northface jackets with holiday Starbucks drinks.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
I think that's basically all I have for today... I'm exhausted. And my bed is probably warm enough! So I guess... I'll see you guys tomorrow.
Well, the one or two people who still check my blog haha. I don't post a link to Facebook unless I have one that's particularly insightful, so not many people generally read these. I think it's just nice to have a place to vent and talk about things without face-to-face judgment.
Uhhh yeah. So goodnight everyone, and have a wonderful morning when you wake up.
-Nolan
Life has been awfully nuts in the past half-year or so. Just... Crazy.
Lots has happened, both good and bad. But it's happened, so there's not much I can do about it, right? Past is past. All I can do is keep moving forward.
I'm ridiculously exhausted right now. I've been having a week of ups and downs.
And plus I'm waiting for my heated blanket to warm up my sheets so I can get in bed to a cozy and comfy bed, so I figured I could at least write a blog post for the hell of it. Might as well, not much else to do!
Let's see... What to talk about... Hmmmm.
Well a while back I mentioned I had a crush on this particular girl, but I got turned down pretty quickly when I tried to explain how I felt. That's actually fine with me. I figure if I'm not what she's interested in, that's that. It's not that anything is wrong with me, it's just that she's looking for something, and I don't have that something. So I'm pretty fine with that, even though I've had a miniature crush on her for a couple years. Oh well! You win some, you lose some. There are plenty more fish in the sea.
Hmmm. I guess there's someone else I'm interested in, but that one has yet to play out. You know, after what happened with Taylor and after my recent Mountaincrest visit, I've taken it upon myself to learn to be a better person, and actually improve myself. I definitely feel like I'm doing a good job. Things that would have reduced me to tears have only slightly bothered me, but I've worked through them mentally to the point that it's comparable to a slight pin prick on your thumb. It's annoying and lightly painful, but the feeling will pass. I used to let it simmer in my head and my heart, and all it did was ruin my day and emotionally cripple me.
That being said, I'm not as... I don't know. It's hard to explain. But I mean, I feel like things with this girl are going to turn out alright. Scratch that, I know they're going to turn out okay. Obviously I really care for her, and I'd love for us to grow closer and become something more someday, even if I have to wait. However, if I'm not the one that she's interested in sharing that sort of relationship with, then I can't change that. As my friend Christine repeatedly pounds into my head when I mention her, "Worrying about it right now has absolutely no bearing on the future, and it will accomplish nothing." She's obviously very right. I'm just psyching myself out if I constantly think about her and constantly worry about what I should do if I want her to feel the same way. Because of this, I'm trying to approach it more realistically. Like I said before, I can't change anything if I'm just not the right one. As long as we can stay close friends, I honestly would be okay with that. Yeah, it would emotionally suck for a bit just because how much I care. But I'd be okay. Obviously I'd prefer to be with her, but I can't get everything I want haha. No matter what, I'll be fine. I'm a tough cookie. And for the first time on this blog, I'm going to compliment myself.
Ahem.
No matter what, I'll be fine. I mean, I am a pretty great guy. I'm obviously not saying that in a vain way, but I think I am. I'm devoted, I care a lot, and I'll go to great lengths to help the person I'm with. Obviously I tend to let the relationships get one-sided, but I'm working on that. So even if this girl doesn't want me, I'll find someone who does. But damn, I hope she does haha.
Anyway, new topic.
I've been so tired lately mostly because I've been stressing about school, I just... Don't want to go back. At the same time, I do. You know? It's weird. Instead of classes starting at 10 this semester, they start at 9. Ouch. Early bedtime for Nolan. However, I get out about an hour and a half earlier than I did last semester, so yay!
Other reason for exhaustion is I've been up late with Christine and Caleb. Christine recently got kicked out of her house by her parents because she hung up on her mom on the phone. No, I'm not exaggerating. I'm furious about it. Who in their right mind would kick their child out of the house, especially when she's getting married in 5 months?? I don't get it. So she's been staying here, and Caleb has been hanging out and going home early in the morning too.
Oh, I also built a gaming computer. I'll take pictures eventually and put them up, if I remember to blog again tomorrow haha. I have coffee with a friend tomorrow. I'm her sassy bi friend, and we enjoy making fun of white girls and their Ugg boots with leggings with Northface jackets with holiday Starbucks drinks.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
I think that's basically all I have for today... I'm exhausted. And my bed is probably warm enough! So I guess... I'll see you guys tomorrow.
Well, the one or two people who still check my blog haha. I don't post a link to Facebook unless I have one that's particularly insightful, so not many people generally read these. I think it's just nice to have a place to vent and talk about things without face-to-face judgment.
Uhhh yeah. So goodnight everyone, and have a wonderful morning when you wake up.
-Nolan
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