Actually, I've done this quite a few times. I've stayed up written little random thoughts even after I've done my normal daily blog.
It's just not often that I actually post them.
I think I've posted a few.
Oh well.
Anyway.
Uhhhh.. Yeah. I'm tired. I'm half-asleep.
I just.. Didn't want to go to bed yet.
So I decided to take my meds, sit down, and randomly write on this blog until I get sleepy enough to go to bed.
It's 2:15 or so. I'll be asleep by 3. Maybe even 2:45.
Maybe even 2:30.
I'm not sure.
Ahh.. Let's see.
The title implies that I should actually write some thoughts down.
Hmmm. I don't really know what thoughts I have right now.
I'm just.. I'm not actually sure.
I've filled the last few days full of gaming, and I don't regret it.
Recently, I've felt like shit. So I've been.. Keeping myself busy. As much as possible.
There were times today when I just.. I had a few minutes when I wasn't doing anything. When I was truly inactive.
And I hated it. I just got bombarded with a bunch of mental... Things. I don't know what they were. But there were a lot of them, and they hurt.
Ouch.
I'm dizzy. And sleepy.
This means I should probably go get in bed and try to pass out.
But.. I don't know. Like I've said countless times, I don't want to sleep!
More specifically, I don't want to have to go lay in bed and stare at the ceiling, being attacked by my own mind.
I'm assuming you all know that feeling too. It's not fun.
Memories are some of the weirdest things in existence.
Aren't they?
I mean.. Mental recreations of things that have happened before.
Some memories are good, some bad.
Some happy, some sad.
But like it or not, those memories are here to stay.
These memories have helped shape who you are, and they're things you have to live with.
Alright, I'm going to kick myself off my laptop in.. 15 minutes or so.
Sigh.
I have mixed feelings of this time.
I mean the few hours before I go to sleep.
I love and hate it for the same reason!
I love that I can sit and stop doing anything and be alone with my thoughts.
I also hate that. Because.... Well, I've explained countless times why I don't like it.
So I'm not sure why I'm still talking..
But, I figure, I started the blog, I might as well finish it.
Dear internet, why do I blog?
I actually ask myself this question quite a bit.
I still can't think of a good reason.
I could go with the stereotypical answer and say that I blog because I need someone to talk to, because no one else listens to me.
But that's not true.
I have people I can talk to, I have people who will listen if I call them.
But even so, I sometimes feel like.. I really don't know.
I feel like blogging about my day is different than telling to someone specifically.
Does that make sense?
If someone asked about my day, I wouldn't tell them things in the same way that I blog.
Not that I hide things from people, I just.. I talk to people differently than I blog.
I still write as if I'm talking to someone, but it.. It's just different.
I suppose the main thing would be because it's an entirely different medium.
This is electronic, typed, written on a screen, and delivered all at once with no interruption.
I also can get distracted on here.
For example, I'm watching Youtube videos and listening to music.
However, I'm also listening to music that won't make me happy.
I mean, it won't make me really sad or anything.
But a little upset.
But I kind of want that right now.
When it's late, I actually let myself become unhappy.
I'm not... I'm not quite sure actually.
I think the main reason is because it's almost comforting to me.
Isn't that weird?
I spend the entire day keeping myself distracted from my own thoughts, but then at night, I drown myself in those thoughts that I spent the day trying to avoid.
God, I'm such a weird person.
Seriously!
I amaze and confuse myself.
I'm not saying that in a douche-y way or anything. I'm not trying to make myself seem awesome.
I'm just saying.. I honestly confuse myself. And it amuses me because my mind is so weird!
This is weird.
I'm unhappy, but I'm fine with it.
I kind of like it right now.
Feeling upset is actually quite comforting right now.
I think it's just because I'm letting my mind go into memories from the past.
I'm happy that I'm kind of depressed. It's actually a good feeling right now.
It's time for Nolan to get some sleep.
Did you like that picture? I thought it was a good addition.
I was just going to write "and on that bombshell", but I figured the picture would work better.
So..
Yup.
I'm sick!
So I'm going to sleep.
Thanks for tuning into another episode of "Thoughts From A Half-Asleep Nolan", and I'm going to hit the 'publish' button before I think better of it.
Sleep well world!
Or good morning, if you're weird like that.
-Nolan
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