9/29- Space Nazis!

I don't think I have ever craved some company more than I did tonight.

I was up until 4 this morning.. Crying.
Non-stop.
Just.. Sobbing. Panic attacks. Hyperventilating.

I was up late.. It was horrible. Luckily, I was talking with one of my friends.
She just.. Sat and talked to me. Helped calm me down.

Even then, it..
Yeah. It was a horrible night.
A lot of things happened that day, and they all just made it worse overnight.

But I eventually fell asleep, so.. Yay.

Woke up depressed.
I've been depressed for a majority of today.
However, Ben, Aaron, and Geoff all came over!

Which.. I needed this. So badly.
I haven't had many reasons to smile this week.
And it's been a terrible week. So the fact that I was able to laugh, smile, and have a good time tonight?
It was perfect.

I mean, I still.. Have things that are on my mind. And there is.. Well, I can feel all those depressing things just sitting there. It's almost like a cloud hanging over my head.

But I have all night, and I'm going to try and make the best of it.
Tomorrow, and the rest of the week.. Will be bad.

But I have tonight to at least try and cheer up.
So I'm going to have happy thoughts, and find stuff to do.

Gonna try to smile (:

-Nolan

9/28- Well, I'm.. Tired.

Today was...
Exhausting.

Frankly.... I'm not in the mood to talk about it.
It was.. Yeah.

Not good.
So.. I'm going to go to bed.

The good news is, today is done.

Yay.

-Nolan

9/27- Today was actually quite good.

Today was good, based on my last week.

Actually, today was really good.
Specifically, the evening // end of the day.

Class was... Alright I guess. I mean, it was class.

Nothing new really happened.
Same every day stuff.

Well, I came home and.. Played some games, watched some Netflix, played the drums for a while.

Around 7 or 8, Aaron came over!
Which is really good.

Easily one of my best friends.
However, maybe 30 or 40 minutes after he came over, I was called away on business!

Well, business being one of my friends needed a hug.
So, I went and picked her up! We drove around for a bit, and had a good old-fashion venting session!
Both of us talked about a lot of.. Issues, problems, stress situations.. Etc. It was really good!
I definitely needed the chance to.. Sit and cry and complain about a lot of stuff.

We ended up driving around town, looking at cars, talking about video games, internet memes and such..
It was awesome.

Then we drove up to the reservoir.
We took a "midnight hike" (at 9 in the evening), walking around the fields, tripping over rocks, sitting on prickly bushes, and accidentally touching some cactus.

Needless to say.. Tonight was a great night.

I really missed hanging out with my friend, so I'm glad we got the chance to wander around and act completely stupid and random.

And now, Aaron and I are watching some Sherlock!
Hanging out with two of my best friends in one night, then ending it watching some Sherlock with one of them, playing video games.

I feel.. Pretty good. Granted, there are little bits in my head that are.. Upsetting, but I'm focusing on all the good things that have happened today.
So hopefully I'll fall asleep happy for the first time in a couple weeks.

Good night world!

-Nolan

Also, Aaron and I were laughing at this for a good 15 minutes.
The longer you watch it, the funnier it gets.

At least, that's what happened with us.

9/26- Today, time passed. And... Just breathe.

I woke up, and it was cold.
I liked the chilly weather, for the most part.

I'm a fan of a drive in a nice warm car.
But today..

I don't know.

This weekend, Saturday night, I have friends coming over!
So.. I'm excited for that. I really am.

I just have to get through the next 3 days.

I'm going to try and find something good to think about!

Like...
Kittens.
Or...

Lollipops.

Or something.

I don't know.

I just gotta keep chugging along.
Eyes to the ground, keep walking.

Just keep on breathing.
Interestingly enough, that's actually something I try to focus on sometimes.
Like, before a panic attack or something.

Focusing on your breathing patterns can either help you relax, or.. Really, really backfire.
It's about a 50/50 for me.
Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
In case.. You.. Didn't understand the fraction I just put.. Right there.
And I just reiterated myself.
Anyway.

I'm just going to try and keep that single thought in my head all night.
The breathing thing.
The days are.. Upsetting, but the nights are the worst.
Darkness, lots of silence, all you can think about is the day before..

Sigh.
Honestly, this is why I play video games.
I don't go as far to play it to have a "second life" or a "second identity" or anything.
That's definitely not why.

But, I play video games for the same reason I read books.
It allows me to focus on a world outside of my own.
Not to the point that I disassociate or anything. That's not my goal.

It just.. Allows me to think about something aside from myself.
I don't have to think about my own problems, and I can just get lost in another activity.

Well, I suppose I have other stuff besides reading and playing video games.
Music, friends, etc.

But right now? When I'm alone?
Video games and reading are my choices.
I've read for my World Lit class for a little already. Which is good.
Homework is always good.

So I'm trying to find things I can do to keep myself occupied!
I'm watching Bones, writing this blog, debating what game I want to play next, and... Breathing.

I think I'm going to try and draw something.
Or at least attempt to.

I guess it's good night.

Thought of the day:

As long as you're still breathing, you aren't dead.

Now now, hear me out.

If you're still breathing, that means you haven't completely given up.

You're still breathing, you're still alive.

And like it or not, you're alive for a reason.

So, my advice is.. 

When you can't go on, when you want to curl up and cry, well...

Go for it!

I plan on doing it.

But when you're curled up, just.. Keep breathing.

Count the breaths, if that helps. 

Keep the air going in and out of your lungs, and focus on the now. Don't worry about the rest of the world. 

Just worry about your own little corner of the earth.

Just worry about inside your room.

Put on some music.
Put on your crying clothes.
Grab a handkerchief.

Breathe.

Just.. Breathe.

Hang in there.

You'll make it.

-Nolan

Here is something to giggle at.

9/25- Uhh.

It's kind of weird.
My entire day flew by.
Like, really fast.

And I have no idea why.
I really don't.

It's weird.
Kind of frustrating.

I fell asleep in my World Literature class.
However, that's the 2nd time I've fallen asleep this semester.
Yay! For not sleeping all the time!

You know how that one day, I almost got hit by cars on my longboard?

Yeah, same thing today. But a new record!
I almost got hit by 2 cars at the same time.
Mad skill.

It's hard to explain without hand motions.
But it wasn't very nice.

Today, overall, was...
I don't know.
It really, really went by quickly. It's annoying.

I had a good talk with one of my friends today. We talked about some stuff that.. Had been bothering me.
But.. I feel better. I'm glad I have wonderful friends.

Played some League with Dane and Caleb.
Played some Borderlands 2 with Shaun.
I'm playing that right now, actually.

It's helping me relax.

Oh!
Also!

This thing.

http://blog.reddit.com/2012/09/join-us-to-play-games-and-heal-kids.html

I'm going to be taking place in this.
I'm going to try and find some friends to join me!

If you're a gamer, read this and see what you think.
And if you like the idea, let me know. Maybe we can game together!

Have a good evening.

-Nolan

9/24- Friendship! Learning about myself and my feelings, through SONG!

Well, the title says it all.
If you know what Aaron and I are watching right now, props to you!

We're watching Sonic Underground.
It's disturbingly..... Yeah.

It's a special show.
Look it up if you so desire.

Today was... Eh.
Took my first Intro to Prehistory test today. It wasn't too bad.
About as bad as I thought it was going to be.

My moods have been... Not so good.

So I had Aaron over for the night! We're having fun. He's playing Fable III and I'm playing some League with Caleb.

The longer I keep myself busy, the more I distract myself, the longer I can go without having a panic attack.
Which.. Is always nice. Not having those.
I'm keeping myself busy 24/7, with anything I can think of.

Reading, writing, drawing, listening to music, playing music, talking with friends, trying to find people to hang out with.

I'm working at this.
But no matter how hard I work, it'll always be hardest right before I fall asleep.
That's when I have nothing to focus on, and all my pent-up thoughts rush back at once.
That's why I'm keeping myself busy until the last possible moment before I fall asleep.
It's going alright.

Well, I'm going to go play some more League with Caleb, and watch stuff on Netflix with Aaron.

Nighty.

-Nolan

9/23- Thank God it's Monday.

Yes, you read the title right.
Weird! Right??

Well, let me explain.

I had a bad weekend.
I mean, I was able to hang out with 2 or 3 of my friends.
Not all at once, but.. You know. One at a time.
Which was nice. I'm glad I got to be around some people.

But overall, this weekend.. It wasn't so good.
See, when I'm left alone for more than 4 or 5 hours, I get more and more depressed.
I end up thinking of one thing that makes me upset, and then my mind focuses on that, then kind of.. Spreads out into a tree, and I gradually think of more and more things to be upset about.

So.. I've had that most of the weekend. Both Friday and Saturday, my friends were busy.

So... They were some bad nights. Today is a little less terrible.

In terms of nerd-dom, I've done pretty well in Monster Hunter.
Killed 2 of the bosses that were pissing me off the most.
Which was awesome.
Feeling of accomplishment there.

And tonight!
I got the chance to talk to a couple friends on Facebook. I was happy about that.

We got on the subject of Borderlands 2, and he asked if I had it yet.
I said that I didn't, but I'd basically kill to get it.
There was a moment of silence, and I got a pop up on steam.

"___ Has bought you Borderlands 2!"

I'm very happy about that, and it's been installed for like 30 minutes.
And it's been super-hard not to play it, because I had to study.

Which I'm done with.

SO.
Borderlands time.

Also, this video has stopped me from crying once or twice.

I put up on Facebook that someone should come and give me a hug.
No one did, but my friend Ben put this on my wall and said "This is the hug I'm giving you!"

It's so silly, and outrageous. I love it.

So.. Tonight is still.. I still feel upset, but I'm keeping myself as busy as possible until I pass out.

Tomorrow (today?) is Monday.
At least I'll have stuff to do, like go to class.

Nighty night.

-Nolan

9/22- Eh 3.75

Today wasn't too bad.

Today, I met up with Jessi at Ross, and we shopped around town a bit, and finally found a pair of pants she liked! We had to go through a couple different stores, but we eventually found one.

After that.. Well that was basically my day.
Jessi left for dancing with her friends around 8 or so, and I've just been hanging around the house.
Talking with people, playing games, etc.

That's... Yeah.
That's all I've got.

Still not feeling really well right now.
Hopefully I'll feel better later.

Sleep well everyone.

Or, good morning.
Either one.

-Nolan

9/21- Eh 3.5

Today wasn't a good day.

Just.. It wasn't.
Sigh.

The past couple of days have been really hard.
I just gotta keep walking.

Hopefully things look up soon.

-Nolan

9/20- Eh 3.0

The pattern hasn't changed much.
Today wasn't so good.

But I got a lot of studying done.
I have a final tomorrow in my Intro to Unix class.

It's a 5-week course.
Yay! It'll be done.

I hope I do well.
I really do.

But, the end of the day is going to be good!
I'm playing some League with Shaun and his roommates.
It's really fun. I love these guys.

Night.

-Nolan

9/19- Eh 2.0

Hmm.

Today was a day.

Not much.

Played some Monster Hunter.

Studied.

League of Legends.

More studying.

Ya know.

-Nolan

9/18- Eh.

Again, not much happened today.

Not really feeling like blogging right now.
I don't really want to do anything.

Night.

-Nolan

9/17- Because of Winn Dixie. Didn't make me cry.

Well, like the title says..
It didn't make me cry.

Jessi said it would, so i watched it.
Annnnnnd it didn't make me cry.

Neither did Titanic, actually.

To date, the only movie to make me cry is The Grey.
I figured out why!

But it's not something I'm going to blog about.

Hmmmmm.
Today was normal.

Around 9 or so, I texted and asked if Jessi wanted to go for a drive and talk for a bit.
She said yes, so I shaved in record time, then went and picked her up.
We went for a drive and talked.. I'm glad. I missed her.

It made my night.

Nerd time! Briefly.
Monster Hunter has been going well.
I'm really really getting into it.
I've felt a big sense of accomplishment in that game.
I'm only starting to realize that:

1. You gotta spend money to make money
2. You REALLY have to go gather materials
2. Potions are the key to winning!

It's going well.
I like it.

Uh.. That's all I got.

I'm starting the show The Alphas. It's on Netflix.
I like it so far.

-Nolan

Oh dear god.
I pick Raccoon City.

Ahhh I LOVE this show.

Awwwwww. How sweet.

9/16- Blank.

Today.. I don't know about today.
I don't really..

It's hard to explain, but I don't.

What "don't" I?
I'm not quite sure.

Today was.. Another day.
Wake up, do some reading for school, eat, listen to music, write a paper, study...
It's a normal day for me.

I didn't talk to many people today.
I didn't feel like it. I wasn't in the best mood. I wasn't necessarily in that bad of a mood, just not talkative.

I kept to myself today.
Didn't exactly feel comfortable talking to anyone.
The end of the day was alright though.

Sometime this week, I'm hanging out with Jessi.
No idea when, but sometime. I'm very excited.
I swear, I'm going into withdrawal from not being around her enough.

So my dad and I watched a movie on Netflix. It's called Bad Ass, with Danny Trejo.
See, it's like the movie Battleship.
You don't watch it for a good movie.

You know why you watched Battleship?
Because you wanted to see "BATTLESHIP by HASBRO! THE BOARD GAME, THE MOVIE!"
You didn't want a plot.
You wanted to see a board game turned into a goddamn Military Fleet vs. Random Aliens movie.
That movie amuses me.

Similarly, you don't watch Bad Ass for a plot.
You watch it to see Danny Trejo playing a senior citizen wearing a fanny pack and kicking ass.

I think that fanny pack just screams "Come at me bro!"

Plots are for the weak.
You watch this for the action. Kind of like The Expendables.
The entire movie is just Trejo kicking ass as an old man.

It's pretty sick. It was so terrible, but it was awesome.
He holds a guy's hand in a garbage disposal for about 3 or 4 minutes.
My dad and I both flinched and gave that "Ewwwwwww" face.

Okay, nerd time.
Monster Hunter Freedom Unite.
It's on my PSP.
I'm getting back into it, if judged by the fact that I've cranked out maybe 15 hours in the last 2 days.
It's not for everyone. It's a little heavy on the farming aspect, but I still enjoy it.

I mean, there are quests to kill one monster that take like 30 minutes.
What always happens to me is something like this..

"Oh good! I only need 2 more Plesioth Scales to make a new bow! I'll go farm the Plesioth mission."

"FINALLY. I killed the boss, didn't die, and managed to save some of my poisonous bow coatings! It took about 30 minutes because it kept swimming out of the zone into another one that's a good 5 minute walk away, but I caught up to it and killed it, even after I got poisoned, paralyzed, knocked out, and frozen by all the other creatures in the map. Time to carve it and see the loot I get!"

" +1 Plesioth Scale"

This always happens to me. I mean, always.

But I'm actually pretty patient when it comes to video games.
Especially this one.

I mean, this game pisses me off a lot.
But I love it.
I get into shouting matches with my PSP.

It doesn't really help that I took the Bow / Bowgun route for weaponry, considering at low levels, it takes forever to kill bosses. And upgrading the bows is a pain because the materials are hard to get because you're using a bow.

But I really enjoy it, and I'm getting much better at the game in general.
I can't wait until I start totally wrecking monsters. Like a boss.

Well, I think that's it for now.
I'm going to play Street Fighter to relax, then get some sleep.

Goodbye in another language!

-Nolan

9/15- Farming!

Well, I've gotten re-addicted to Monster Hunter.
Really, really badly.

Like, really.
I've fallen in love with this game all over again.

Sadly, I've also been exceptionally pissed at the game all day.
There were problems with a stupid boss.
See, I've decided to go the ranged route.

Bows, Bowguns, etc.

So I've made a decent set of armor and upgraded it as much as I can at the moment.
I've made 4 separate bows. For different elements and such.
Because that's basically required.

So I'm playing a bunch of that.

Uh.

Watched some stuff on Netflix, watched a couple movies from Redbox.
I fell asleep around 4:30 and woke up around 3 in the afternoon.
So I'm going to get some sleep this night.

I'll move back to my room.

I've slept in the basement for a full week, and I kind of liked it.
Change of environment.

Well, I'm off to go play Monster Hunter.
And watch movies.

Bye!

-Nolan

9/14- Stupid drivers. Stupid drivers everywhere.

As the title suggests, I didn't have a good time driving home.
I almost got hit by 2 people while I was on my longboard, then I almost got hit with 3 people when I was pulling out of the parking garage.
I was not happy.

Let's see...

Uh..
Caleb and Dane came over around 7 or 8.

We've been playing games and such, went to Pizza Casbah.

Now, I'm gonna play some League with Caleb!

Adios.

-Nolan

9/13- Metttttthhhhhhhhhh. And lemonade. Good combo.

In case you couldn't tell by the title, I've been watching Breaking Bad.
Pretty awesome show.

I got home, then went and bought some delicious lemonade.

See?


This is my favorite drink ever.

EVER.
Anyway.

Got my drink, sat down to write a paper.

Oh snap. I have to print that paper out.

Please hold.

Alrighty then.
Now it's printed out.

ANYWAY.
Uh....

Yeah. That's been my day.
I've gotten back into Dwarf Fortress, and I've definitely gotten back into Monster Hunter.
Yesssss. Fun game.

I think that's really it for now.

See ya.

-Nolan

9/12- And everybody drowned.

A comet hit the earth, and everyone is dying!
I'm watching Deep Impact with my dad.

The world is getting dominated.

Comet: 1
Earth: 0

It showed a giant wave sweeping over New York, and the Twin Towers were there.
Older movie.

ALSO.
Frodo rides a motorcycle.

Today, not much happened.
School, home, etc.

Yup!

-Nolan

9/11- Hmmm.

Well, you know me.
Not much change.
Still the same old boring guy.

Today, I went to class.
Etc.

Jessi and I went to get coffee today!
We got Starbucks, then drove around a bit.
Up Horsetooth, back down, around town.. Etc.

That was very good. It made my day better.

I've decided to do a super-exciting change today!

Well, not sure how long.
I'm going to sleep in the basement for a couple days.
Not for any particular reason, but because I want to do at least something different.

And plus, I get to use the TV to watch stuff on Netflix, instead of my laptop.

And the way I look at it, it'll make it easier to get up, because the couch isn't that comfortable.
We'll see how that goes.
I'm sitting and doing some reading for class tomorrow.
Getting it out of the way.

Eating pretzels, watching some kung-fu movies.

The couch is so comfortable!
I mean, I have to lean forward, but it's still super comfy.

Ugh. I wish I had someone to train with. Or teach me some sort of martial art.
I have fun teaching myself, but I'd like a formal trainer some time.

Oh well!

I'm off to finish the movie, do some work, and get some sleep.

Night!

-Nolan

9/10- Haven't accomplished anything today, either.

Today, not much happened actually.

Class, came home..

Etc.

I'm not in the mood to blog tonight, so I'll let you go for now.

-Nolan

9/9- Late night snack run.

Today was basically standard.

Woke up, slept again.

Woke up, slept again.

Woke up, slept again.

Woke up, had breakfast, slept again.

Sat around the house.

Worked out.

Took a shower.

Sat back and started to watch Dark Shadows (I'm still watching it).

Except I got up and made a snack run! Pretzels and Pop Tarts ($2.50, what a deal!).

That's all for now.

Bye bye.

-Nolan

9/8- And for the second night in a row, I feel like puking.

Today, I woke up, went and got some job applications, and came home.

Played some Soul Calibur, some Street Fighter, watched some Big Bang Theory.. You know. The usual.
Then went with my dad to Qdoba and to see The Amazing Spiderman!

Yes Toby, you're amazing too.

See, this one was true to the comics.
Well, for the most part.

They made Spiderman a teenage smartass, which I loved.

See, I'm not someone who will completely flip out and bitch a movie out for not following the comics.
I'll express slight displeasure and say "Oh, that was a little different than the comics."
But I won't be all..
"OMG THIS MOVIE IS TERRIBLE HE WAS WEARING BLUE SNEAKERS IN THE COMIC AND THIS ONE THE SNEAKERS ARE AQUA. TERRIBLE MOVIE. OMG."

I'm not like that.
But when something is true to the comics, I'll be happy about it.
And in some cases, they improve upon parts in the comic. Like in this movie, they took a single issue and made it into a full movie. The Lizard Man was really short. But they pulled it off very well.

Then I came home, full of a Qdoba burrito, movie theatre "popcorn", and some candy, then went straight downstairs to work out!
I've shortened the work out time to around an hour or so.
It's an intense hour, at least for me.
The Muay Thai and boxing parts actually aren't that difficult now. I mean, my arms still feel  like I worked them out afterwards, but for the most part, I've actually kind of grown accustomed to punching and kicking with two pounds on each hand and five pounds on each ankle.
It's not as difficult as it used to be.

However, afterwards, I do some aerobic stuff with the weights on.
Like jogging in place, then high-stepping. Or jogging, then jumping and touching my fingertips to the floor, then continuing jumping. Each of those only last maybe five minutes, but with weight on your hands and ankles, it's a little more difficult than it sounds.

Then I do fifty leg throws with two and a half pounds on each ankle, then another fifty without any weights.
Those actually are a little more difficult, just because I don't really do that many ab workouts.
But I think with the weights, it's actually pretty effective.

Like I said. I don't really notice that much of a difference.

Except for wanting to puke afterwards. So I had a piece of ginger, so that should help my stomach a little bit.

Alright, this looked a HELL of a lot funnier in my head.

Tasted nasty, but it'll help.

Let's see...
I think that's really it, actually.

WHOA it's 2:18 in the morning.

Guess it's time to play some video games and eventually fall asleep.

Adios amigos,

-Nolan

PS- I'm not always a pony man, but this one made me laugh very hard.

9/7- Eh.

I don't know about today.
It.. I really don't know.

It wasn't bad. Nothing went wrong, but... It just feels like nothing went right.

I had class, which was alright. I tripped over my longboard maybe 3 times today, which pissed me off.
I was driving out of the parking garage when someone drove around the corner, in the center of the road.
It pisses me off when people do that. There's a reason for a dividing line in a parking garage.

I came home, sat around, watched some Big Bang Theory, my computer crashed.
Spent time making a character on Soul Calibur V, 360 locked up and I lost an hour of work or so.

Tried playing some League, my internet gave out in two out of the three matches I tried.

It's not been a good day.
I worked out, finally.

It made me feel a little better. Well, physically better.

This week, I didn't play that many video games. I was sitting with Jessi last night, and she commented, "Your face cleared up! And you're losing weight!"
She's the one who recommended I should play less games and work out.
I'm not noticing any difference, but she is. And if she notices a difference, it makes me feel better.

I still can't tell. I mean, I'm too critical of my own body to ever notice any kind of improvement.
But.. Well, hearing it from her makes me.. Feel attractive. Something I don't usually feel.
I miss her.

-----

Little bit of Nerd Time here.
As of late, I've noticed a big change in how I play fighting games.
I'm starting to.. It's hard to explain. I'm just starting to really get a deeper understanding of the games.
I mean, in every game I'm playing, I'm making my own combos, which is a big deal to me. As long as I've played fighting games, I've spent long amounts of time memorizing combos.
But.. I'm making my own. I mean, I'm going into a training mode, and spending an hour or so developing my own combos.

Alright, that's enough nerd time. I'm not in the mood to take a long time and explain stuff.

-----

I.. I don't know.
I really don't know how I'm feeling, but I know it's not good.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not pissed off or anything.
Just.. Not in a great mood.

I'm feeling a bit of everything. I mean, everything.
I'd list it off, but it would take too long.

I'm going to watch some Big Bang Theory, play some games, listen to music, and go sleep.
Maybe that'll help.

Talk to you all later,

-Nolan

9/6- Johnny Depp!

Today, not so much has happened. Went to class, came home, played some League.
I'm getting to the point that I can consistently contribute to my team in a positive way, even if I don't rack up the most kills.
Except for my last game.
It was something like 2/8/10 as Jungle Lee.
You know, it was because the enemy warded EVERYTHING and kept GANKING ME EVERYWHERE.

But I'm having so much fun as AD Kennen. Shaun recommended it, and now I love it.
See, I got myself the Muay Thai Lee Sin skin, and the Musketeer Twisted Fate skin, so I can motivate myself to play them more.
Which is working.
Every time I gank as Lee, I yell in all chat "TIGER KNEE", then bash their head in.

But anyway.

Then Jessi came over!!!
Ahh it was so nice. I missed her so much it was almost ridiculous.
It was amazing to finally see her. I made myself all pretty. Put on her favorite shirt, shaved my face until it was super smooth, then set up the basement for movies. Pretzels, water, and a warm sleeping bag.

We watched Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. It was really, really good.
I mean, the fun part was just watching Johnny Depp trip balls the entire movie, and it had some hilarious dialogue and was pretty great, in my opinion.
Then I put some Big Bang Theory on her computer, along with a couple movies.

So, I'm in a fantastic mood.
Got some homework done, listening to a bunch of music.
I was listening to some Angerfist and techno-type music, but it started to bring up some unwanted memories, so I'm listening to Alkaline Trio instead!

Well, I'm going to shower, get in some comfy clothes, and play some League before bed.

OH!
It's FRIDAYYYYY!

-Nolan

9/5- Heyyyy... I have no clever title.

Yeah, I guess yesterday was that one special day when I have something to talk about.

Today, I really don't.
Kinda boring,eh?

I honestly don't have anything good to say.
I went to class, and.. Well, I slept through my first class.
However, that's because I was up until 4, then didn't wake up quickly, and also didn't drink my Dr. Pepper.
So it was my fault that I failed at getting up.

Let's see....
Went to class, came home, then went and got coffee with a friend, then came home.
I've been playing League almost since I got home. I mean, I've had dinner and took a break to eat and read and listen to some music, but.. For the most part, I've been playing League.
But my excuse is that this is the first time in a while that I've just sat down and played video games for an extended period of time.
I'm allowed that once in a while, right?

Let's see...

Actually, yeah.
That's my day.
I could have "Nerd Time", but I don't really want to.
Right now, Jessi is out with some friends, so I'm going to wait until she gets back home, so I can at least say goodnight!

Tomorrow, I get to hang out with her.
I offered to hang out sometime this week, and she said "Tomorrow night?"
And at that point, my heart got kick started, and I smiled.
I haven't seen her in a while, so I'm extremely excited to see her tomorrow. Today.

Very, very excited.

So I leave you with this thought..

How can your smell nose if it doesn't have a foot?

-Nolan

9/4- I might actually have something to talk about!

(NOTE) This blog isn't really that long at all, there's just lots of videos at the bottom of the post!
So read up!)Well, it's a Tuesday. That extra day off this weekend was nice. Hooray for Labor Day.

I'm exhausted right now, and I'm not sure why.

I'm sitting in my World Lit class, waiting for the professor to get here.

Geez, I'm tired.

Since I hate coffee, I use Dr. Pepper to wake up. I haven't drunk much of it, so I probably should.

And the classroom is super warm, so it's easier to fall asleep.

Must. Resist. Sleep.

This class is really small, so I can't risk falling asleep. I might get eaten alive or something.

Whoa, deja vu.

That stuff is creepy. Isn't it?

I prefer to think of it as re-loading a quick save.

I've been listening to Raise Your Glass by P!nk for the past.. Two days. I mean, almost non-stop.

I've listened to other stuff too, but mostly this song. I don't know why.

It just makes me happy. 

So I'm officially a fan of P!nk.

Yup..

Time for the bigger section of the blog.

--------------------

I'm not exactly sure where this came from, but I've been thinking about it for a month or two. 

And if you've read anything else I've written, you know that I just start rambling and hope it actually goes somewhere. 

This one is interesting, if I do say so myself.

Being in college, you get a better feeling for people, as you meet and talk to a bunch of random people, even if it's just for five minutes. I've met some cool people. Not anyone that really is my friend, but someone I enjoyed talking to. And yes, that means people of varying sexuality. 

I don't really know how to explain this part. It's a little.. Hard to structure.

Long story short.. 

When someone has come out of the closet to their family, I've heard of family members that have said something along the lines of "It broke my heart hearing them tell us he/she was gay, but I will always love them, no matter who they are."

Now, I think that it's a sign of maturity to still love and cherish someone, even if they have a different lifestyle than you originally thought, even if it's something you don't necessarily agree with.

But I think the first part of that sentence is what bothers me.

"It broke my heart to hear that they were gay."

Why should it break your heart? Yes, it's something different. Yes, it's a lifestyle change. Yes, you don't

agree with the values. But why should it break your heart?

I think that you should feel happy. I think you should be proud of them for having the strength to tell you.

I think you should almost feel honored that someone so close to you deemed you important enough, that they looked at you as someone so special to them that they shared a part of their life that you that not many people know, that they cared for you enough to get rid of  all the secrets between you both. 

If you truly love them, if you truly believe that you will love them no matter who they are, then it shouldn't break your heart, just because they have a different lifestyle than yours. 

Now, like I've said before, I'm not trying to get up on my soap box and condemn you all for being heathens and terrible people. I'm not trying to say I'm better than you. This is just how I see things, and this is how I feel about this particular topic. 

I don't really think there's a specific group of people that do this the most. I've honestly heard it from various people. I'm not going to pick out a religious group or anything. This just.. Seems like it's fairly common.

It just bothers me that people can be judged so harshly based on their lifestyle, or how they look at the world. 

I absolutely love this picture.

I think it's pretty accurate. 

I don't know, I just love it when someone counters a stereotype, especially when they do it in support of a group that generally doesn't get much support by the general populace.
That picture makes me smile.

Let's see... I can't think of anything else really super-exciting to write about, so this might be the end of this post for now.

Here are a couple songs that I think are pretty encouraging, especially when you need to feel better about yourself.

There you go!

These are some of my favorite songs that can make you feel a little better about yourself. Well, they help me with that, so hopefully they will for you too.

Remember, you are who you are. And no one can change that. And you should never try to change yourself just to please others. 

It takes time, but you can love yourself for who you are, in spite of the flaws that you see in yourself.

You may be critical and brutal on yourself, but not everyone will look at your flaws and tell you to change.

Love you for you, not because someone else tells you to.

I hope you all had a wonderful day. 

It may be rough, but keep a smile on that face!

It may look bad now, but it will get better.

-Nolan 

PS- If you liked this blog, share it with your friends, via smoke signals, morse code, pony express, or whatever else you kids use these days.

<3

You made it through another day! Congratulations!

9/3- You know the deal.

Today was the same as always, except I got to see Jessi for a couple minutes while I dropped off a movie for her. Those few minutes made the whole day seem so much better.

That's really all I have to say.

Good night.

-Nolan

9/2- Labor Day!

Yes, it's labor day.

Uh...

Yup.
I'm playing video games and watching stuff on Netflix.
That's... Basically my day.

Happy Labor Dabor.

Woo.

-Nolan

P.S.

It's interesting.. I know that music can pull out emotions in me, very easily.
Most often, it's depressing music that brings back memories I'd rather keep out.
But I've actually come across some songs that have made me abnormally happy.
I'll list them sometime, but not right now.

But anyway.
Tonight, I was going through my playlist on Youtube just labeled "Music".
I've been adding stuff on there for months, so I actually sat down and listened to a bunch of the older ones on there. A couple of them.. Made me cry. Not in a happy way, sadly.

BUT.
This song, this song right here.

It made me smile and cry at the same time.
I think that if you've been keeping up with my blog for any amount of time, you can easily tell that I don't have the highest self-esteem in the world.

But.. I really don't know. This song made me feel good about myself. It really did.
I've been listening to it non-stop actually.
I love it.

So.. That's my day now.
I got some Jones Soda around midnight, because I wanted to treat myself to my own little one-man party.

Yup!

Good night.

9/1- My basement is full of sweaty men.

Hmmmmm today wasn't too exciting.

However, I've had a good time!

Today Aaron stayed through the afternoon, then went home for a bit. 

Then he came over again!

So right now, Aaron, Ben, Caleb, and Geoff are over.

We had a lot of fun making some.... Disturbing characters on Soul Calibur V.

I also bought Jessi a replica knife of the barber's knife from Sweeney Todd and dropped it off at her house and talked for a bit, so that was good. 

Right now, Aaron, Ben and I are watching terrible movies and tv shows on Netflix, which is pretty awesome.

SO...

That's basically my day for now.

See you all later!

-Nolan