A Day In the Life of Nolan: A Letter to the Broken-Hearted

I'm tired.
I want to go to sleep.
I really wish I could.
I want to sleep.
Sigh.
I want to sleep right now, actually.
I suppose I could.

I can make it sleeping through my sociology class.
I might.. I don't know.
I'm so tired.
I don't know why! I got 5 hours of sleep.
Hmph.

Well now.....
Time for my blog!
Let's find out where my mind takes me today, shall we?

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Well, I wrote the title before I even started this post.
I suppose that's what I want to write about..
Another one of my... Encouragement posts. I guess.

Isn't that weird? That's what my posts end up being.
I'm not sure why. I guess I just want people to...
Read this kind of thing. It's asking a lot to just say "Take it to heart", because, let's be honest.
It's extremely impersonal.
But it's something I'm pretty passionate about. I really want to help others!
That's probably why I'm majoring in psychology. Still not sure what I'm going to do with it but..
I want to help others.
It's something I love doing.
I try my hardest to help people, and.. Sometimes it works, sometimes it fails. Terribly.
But you can't blame a guy for trying, right?
Well, I suppose you can. But that's beside the point.

Anyway.
Went off on a little tangent there.
Back to the main purpose of this post.

A Letter to the Broken-Hearted.
What's that supposed to mean?
I'm not really sure.

Ugh.
I wanted to write this when I was in a good mood.
I was feeling half decent.
Sadly, I'm extremely upset.
I... Well, I feel like I'm losing my closest friends.
A few, actually.
One of which refuses to acknowledge I exist, another that doesn't bother talking with me much, and another who's life is too busy for me.
Again, it doesn't bother me that they're busy. It just bothers me that they don't even try to talk to me.
Oh well.
I have to get used to it. I've reached that point in my life when people will start moving on without me, and I have to accept that.
No matter how hard I try to hold on, there will be people that will just... Forget about me.
But I can live with that. I have to.

Back again again to my blog post again.
Let's see...

Heart break sucks. Doesn't it?
It really is not a feeling that I enjoy.

Look. I'm not going to stand here and sugarcoat everyone.
I mean..
I can say the stereotypical things!

1. There's other fish in the sea.
2. If it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be.
3. Let them go.
4. Try to move on.
5. Find someone else.
6. You'll find someone like them.
7. They weren't worth your time.

.........
You've probably heard those over and over and over and over and over and over and over.
Again.

And over again.
Again. Over.

Lots of times.
Constantly, in fact.
If you're used to heart break, you're used to hearing those.
I mean, really. That's all you ever hear.
And when you hear those, there's a few different ways you can react.

1. Reject what they said, continue feeling sorry for yourself, stay depressed.
2. Smile at what they said, thank them, continue feeling sorry for yourself, stay depressed.
3. Accept what they said, thank them, smile, feel better.

Honestly? I usually go with one of the top two.
If you have your heart broken, you don't want to let them go.
You realize that things are bad, that they won't go back to the way they were,
Everything hurts, everything reminds you of them..
You cry yourself to sleep each night.
You drown yourself in memories of them.
You listen to depressing songs, you listen to your "special song" over. And over. And over again.
You know that things won't work out, but.. Dammit, you still love them with all that you are.

That's just.. Not a fun situation to be in.
It sucks.
It hurts.
It feels like it will never end.
You want to move on, you want to be happy, but..
You don't want to let them go.
In my opinion, that's the most painful part.
You realize you're in pain, that you need to avoid this pain.. And to feel that happiness, you need to move on.
I hate it.
I really, really do.

But you know what?
I think life goes on.
Scratch that, I don't think.
I know.

And don't think I'm saying this because I don't understand.
Yes, I'm saying this and I don't know your situation.
Yes, you don't know my situation.

I say this because....
Well, I know how it feels.
And it's not a good feeling. At all.
Doesn't it suck?
Going every day, not knowing when you'll burst into tears?
Walking through your day, realizing that everything you see reminds you of them?
Yeah.
It's a terrible feeling.
It just...
It rips you apart. Daily.

But hey!
I'm not lying.
Life goes on. It really does.

I'm not going to say that there's "other fish in the sea", because..
Well, you don't care about other fish. You want THAT fish. That one. Only that one.
I know you don't really want to hear all this, but.. I'll say it anyway.
Because, odds are, someone out there will benefit from this.

If it's meant to be, it will happen.
That's.. The best advice I can offer.
This is the hardest thing for me to realize.
It.. takes a while. Months, years.
I'm.. Barely starting to understand that. But it's something I know I'll realize it.
I realize that I'm going to move on, it will just take a long time.
If I can move on, YOU can move on.

I guarantee it.
It will hurt, it will suck at times.
Or all the time.
You'll stumble, you'll fall.

The thing about moving on... Well, you really have to want it.
Getting to that point is really rough.
To this point... You need to..

I don't even know. It's rough.
I'm having trouble writing this blog. I'm on Skype with Ashley ( :

It's kind of nice!
And then after Skyping Ashley, I'm getting on Skype with my cat buddy Maddie! .-.
Awww yeah.

Anyway.
I guess it's hard to focus.
But that's not bad!
I'm just distracted haha.

ANYWAY.
I'm going to try to finish this blog.

Being heartbroken...
It sucks. It's terrible!
It's painful, it hurts, it's rough..
It's not okay.
It's the worst thing in the world.
Feeling like your heart has been ripped out, like it's been stomped on.

But, I'm here to say..
You can move on.

I can't say that I'm moved on completely! I definitely cannot claim that.
In fact, I'm quite the opposite. I'm not good at moving on.
But.. The point is, I know I can.
I know I'm able to!

That's the thing!
I'm slowly realizing that life goes on.
It really does.

Yes, your heart is broken. You may feel unloved. Like you're broken, like no one can ever love you.
You feel tossed out with the rest of the trash.
You feel stepped on.
You feel used.
Like nobody cares, like you're too damaged to even love.

Maybe they cheated on you..
You're wondering how.. When... Why would they do that to you?
Was there anything you could have done to stop it?
You feel used. Hated. Disowned. Alone.

Maybe they just... Stopped caring.
How could they do that to you?
Don't they see what you had done for them?
Can't they realize how strong your feelings are?

Yes....
This all hurts.
So much.

But you can MAKE IT.
You can move past this.
You can!
I promise!
It'll be hard, it'll be painful.
But you'll make it. You know why?

Because you're worth it.
Because you deserve better.

They cheated on you?
They weren't worth your time. If they can't realize how special they were to you, then they weren't worth it.
It's painful to think that way, and it hurts because you still love them..
But it's the truth.
You deserve better than that.
If they can't figure out just how awesome you are, just how much of a catch you are, they don't deserve you.
If they won't put in the work, the emotional effort that you put in, then they aren't worth the effort you would put in to keep them.
That sounds... Brutal. But it's true!
I've only been cheated on once, and it was a couple years ago.
One of the worst feelings of my life.
But you know what?
I realized I deserved better.

I think that, after being cheated on, that's the hardest thing to come to realize.
"I deserve better."
3 words, easy to say... hard to mean.
But you really do.

You really do deserve better.
I promise you that.

But, if you weren't cheated on..
I think it's harder to 'move on'.
Because you still care for them, and.. It's just rougher.

But.. Even then.
You can still make it.
You can live without them.
As hard as that sounds.
You are able to move on!
Life goes on.
It's stereotypical.

And I know you probably hear it constantly, and you're sick of hearing it.
But, honestly, it's the only advice I can really offer.
That's not true.
I guess that's the main thing I can say.
Is that life really does move on!

When it comes to being happy, to moving on, you are your own greatest obstacle.
Again, stereotypical.
But it's so true! Once you realize that you want to move on, once you realize that you can make yourself happy, you'll feel better. I promise!
It just takes a lot of willpower to reach that point.
It really does.

But once you reach that point...
It's so.. Freeing.
I mean, I haven't really hit the point where I'm fantastic constantly.
But I have been able to feel happy on multiple occasions.

The thing is, you need to be able to find things that make you happy, things you enjoy.
Once you find those, you can.. Start to take steps towards healing.
Listen to me! I sound like.... A therapist. Or something.
I mean, that's pretty much common sense to me.
Find something you enjoy, keep doing it.
I always find things to distract myself with!

Friends.
Video games.
Music.
Friends.
Music.
Video games.
Friends.

See? Those are the things I do.
They help!
I guess that's.. The whole point of this blog.
You can make yourself happy, you just have to be prepared to put in effort.
You need to realize that you will feel pain, that success will not come easily.

But if you want to heal, you can do it.
So...

Yeah.

Honestly, I think I'm going to get off of my blog for now.
Not because I'm bored, not because I'm depressed, I just...
Well, I don't know where to take this blog!

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I'm on Skype with my cat buddy Maddie.
I need to explain 'cat buddy'.
One day, we were both pissed at people
And we decided that we were cats, so we could scratch peoples' drapes, and legs, and run away.
'Cause we're cats.
So.. She's my cat buddy, because we're weird.
Very, very weird people.
We're on Skype, and it's kind of making my day.
It's so fun.
We are making random faces and meme references.
XD
So yeah.

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I suppose that's my blog for the day.

I realize it was... very hard to follow.
The reason being, I wrote it at various points during the day, when I was doing something else.
So I'm sorry if the thought pattern is way too crazy, and you didn't follow a single word I said.
My intentions were good though!

I really did want to help...
So I hope this blog did.... Something.
For someone.
Maybe it helped someone!
I mean... I don't know.

I just hope it made you smile or something!
So yeah!

Sorry for the.. disjointed, random, confusing, and scatterbrained blog.
I hope you enjoyed reading it (:

Good night everybody!

-Nolan
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