9:43 am.
Not having a good day so far.
Woke up late, missed my first class, and I ate an entire bowl of cereal.
I'm kind of fat, and it's frustrating me. I need to get back to working out.
My mood has been swinging quite a bit already, and I've only been up for 45 minutes.
Today doesn't seem like it's going to be a good day.
I'm hoping I can get some people to hang out at my place tonight, maybe play some video games.
Sigh.
I've been living in the past for a couple days. It's not a good idea, but I can't really help it.
So today, I'm going to try and be happier. I just have to find something to focus on.
I'll work on that.
I have no blog ideas right now, so I'm going to stop blogging for now.
When I think of something, I'll come back and write.
--------------------
Blog!
I'm tired, and I'm going to sleep.
I'm at Caleb's house, and we played tons of video games and such.
It was a good night.
So good night!
Or good morning?
One of the two.
-Nolan
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Blog Post! Woot Woot!
Hello!
I'm blogging outside today.
Because I got to class way early.
And it's beautiful outside.
So I'm writing this blog outside, in the shade, enjoying the warmth.
It's kind of nice.
I missed the warm weather.
Ahh yes.
It's warm.
Summer is on it's way!
Originally I thought.... Well, I planned on making this summer the best summer ever.
Now, I'm not so sure.
However, I'm gonna try to make it a good summer.
Lots of friends, longboarding, video games and parties : )
At least, that's what I'm hoping for.
The next month...
Ugh.
April is going to be extremely rough.
It's going to be emotionally stressful, draining, and rough.
It's going to give me.. Lots of mental issues, and I'll probably be upset 99% of the time.
But once I make it through April, I'm hoping I'll feel better.
Sigh.
It's going to hurt.
So much.
But.. It's one month, one day in particular.
I'm going to try and surround myself with friends, and maybe go party with a friend or two on that day.
Oh well.
I'll make it through one way or another.
So cheers!
Here's hoping we can make it through the last weeks before summer.
Geez.. I'm already almost done with my freshman year of college.
WOW.
I'm almost done with my freshman year.
Ugh. That's scary.
And stressful.
But hey! I'm alive! That's always a good thing, right??
So... Yay Nolan!
Yeah.
Hmm what's on my mind today.
People judging, actually.
It really pisses me off.
Today, I saw this cute gay couple holding hands and walking a husky puppy!!
It was unbelievably cute.
It made me smile. Someone called them fags as he walked by and I told him to shut the hell up.
He glared at me, but kept on walking. The couple smiled at me and thanked me : )
I felt very good about myself.
I feel stupid and selfish for saying that, but.... I don't know. I felt like I made someone's day. That doesn't happen often, so when it does, it makes me happy.
Judgmental people piss me off beyond belief. Maybe it's because I've been judged so much that it bothers me when I see someone else going through the same thing. Getting shit from people they don't know because they just don't like the way they look or act?
Seems awfully self-righteous and selfish to believe that you have the right to decide what other people are worth just because you think you're better than them.
Meh.
Stupid people are stupid.
--------------------
Hmmm what else am I thinking about...
Ahh yesterday, I realized I'm more girly than I realized (which isn't a bad thing at all).
I've been re-watching The Office starting with the very first episode.
I watched the episode where Jim proposes to Pam.. I cried.
It was just... SO CUTE.
It makes me excited for the day I propose to my girl : )
Haha. I want to do something cute and silly, something she'll remember for the rest of her life.
Sigh.
I want to be a cute boyfriend some day.
Ah well.
I suppose it'll happen when it happens.
Know what else bothers me?
Sexists.
They piss me off.
Seriously! No gender is "better" than the other,
We're both a pain in the ass.
Both of us have our quirks, good and bad.
But, we're also very stupid.
All of us.
We're stupid in our own special ways : )
I have a feeling I could write a huge blog on sexism.. But I'm not in the mood right now!
So I will some other time.
But read this post I wrote.. It's one of my most viewed posts, and I think it has a good message for guys. Girls, you should read it too : )
I'm only actually proud of a few posts, and that's one of them!
I hope you guys like it.
If you do, share it or something. I think it's something people need to read, something people need to hear and absorb.
So yeah!
Read it please.
If you have time. Or just wait and read it another time!
Okay, that's enough self-promoting.
Time for something else.
Hmmm. I have nothing to say right now, while I'm in my abnormal psychology class.
Soooo.. I will blog later.
--------------------
Well, it's 12 am.
And I am blogging.
I was going to write "surprise" with a bunch of 'I's.
But it's started bugging me when I put way too many of the same letters in a row.
Also, on an unrelated note, I've started.. Little superstitions.
I have to alternate feet each time I step on a crack.
If I step on a crack, my feet have to be in line with it.
I have to put the word 'break' in between groups of two web links on Skype.
I do things in groups of two.
They're little things... I guess I just picked them up in the past few months.
Talked to my therapist about it, and right now they're superstitions.. But if I hold myself to those constantly, they could turn into compulsions, which could add more stress to my life. Which might suck. So theoretically, I need to change them up enough so that I don't get.. Over-religious about keeping them.
Hmph.
What else has happened today..
Nothing. Pretty boring day.
Not too emotional!
Just not a fantastic day.
The ending is a little... Eh.
Oh well.
So good night everybody!
Have a good day : )
-Nolan
--------------------
Top Five Songs of the Day
Fable III !
I'm blogging outside today.
Because I got to class way early.
And it's beautiful outside.
So I'm writing this blog outside, in the shade, enjoying the warmth.
It's kind of nice.
I missed the warm weather.
Ahh yes.
It's warm.
Summer is on it's way!
Originally I thought.... Well, I planned on making this summer the best summer ever.
Now, I'm not so sure.
However, I'm gonna try to make it a good summer.
Lots of friends, longboarding, video games and parties : )
At least, that's what I'm hoping for.
The next month...
Ugh.
April is going to be extremely rough.
It's going to be emotionally stressful, draining, and rough.
It's going to give me.. Lots of mental issues, and I'll probably be upset 99% of the time.
But once I make it through April, I'm hoping I'll feel better.
Sigh.
It's going to hurt.
So much.
But.. It's one month, one day in particular.
I'm going to try and surround myself with friends, and maybe go party with a friend or two on that day.
Oh well.
I'll make it through one way or another.
So cheers!
Here's hoping we can make it through the last weeks before summer.
Geez.. I'm already almost done with my freshman year of college.
WOW.
I'm almost done with my freshman year.
Ugh. That's scary.
And stressful.
But hey! I'm alive! That's always a good thing, right??
So... Yay Nolan!
Yeah.
Hmm what's on my mind today.
People judging, actually.
It really pisses me off.
Today, I saw this cute gay couple holding hands and walking a husky puppy!!
It was unbelievably cute.
It made me smile. Someone called them fags as he walked by and I told him to shut the hell up.
He glared at me, but kept on walking. The couple smiled at me and thanked me : )
I felt very good about myself.
I feel stupid and selfish for saying that, but.... I don't know. I felt like I made someone's day. That doesn't happen often, so when it does, it makes me happy.
Judgmental people piss me off beyond belief. Maybe it's because I've been judged so much that it bothers me when I see someone else going through the same thing. Getting shit from people they don't know because they just don't like the way they look or act?
Seems awfully self-righteous and selfish to believe that you have the right to decide what other people are worth just because you think you're better than them.
Meh.
Stupid people are stupid.
--------------------
Hmmm what else am I thinking about...
Ahh yesterday, I realized I'm more girly than I realized (which isn't a bad thing at all).
I've been re-watching The Office starting with the very first episode.
I watched the episode where Jim proposes to Pam.. I cried.
It was just... SO CUTE.
It makes me excited for the day I propose to my girl : )
Haha. I want to do something cute and silly, something she'll remember for the rest of her life.
Sigh.
I want to be a cute boyfriend some day.
Ah well.
I suppose it'll happen when it happens.
Know what else bothers me?
Sexists.
They piss me off.
Seriously! No gender is "better" than the other,
We're both a pain in the ass.
Both of us have our quirks, good and bad.
But, we're also very stupid.
All of us.
We're stupid in our own special ways : )
I have a feeling I could write a huge blog on sexism.. But I'm not in the mood right now!
So I will some other time.
But read this post I wrote.. It's one of my most viewed posts, and I think it has a good message for guys. Girls, you should read it too : )
I'm only actually proud of a few posts, and that's one of them!
I hope you guys like it.
If you do, share it or something. I think it's something people need to read, something people need to hear and absorb.
So yeah!
Read it please.
If you have time. Or just wait and read it another time!
Okay, that's enough self-promoting.
Time for something else.
Hmmm. I have nothing to say right now, while I'm in my abnormal psychology class.
Soooo.. I will blog later.
--------------------
Well, it's 12 am.
And I am blogging.
I was going to write "surprise" with a bunch of 'I's.
But it's started bugging me when I put way too many of the same letters in a row.
Also, on an unrelated note, I've started.. Little superstitions.
I have to alternate feet each time I step on a crack.
If I step on a crack, my feet have to be in line with it.
I have to put the word 'break' in between groups of two web links on Skype.
I do things in groups of two.
They're little things... I guess I just picked them up in the past few months.
Talked to my therapist about it, and right now they're superstitions.. But if I hold myself to those constantly, they could turn into compulsions, which could add more stress to my life. Which might suck. So theoretically, I need to change them up enough so that I don't get.. Over-religious about keeping them.
Hmph.
What else has happened today..
Nothing. Pretty boring day.
Not too emotional!
Just not a fantastic day.
The ending is a little... Eh.
Oh well.
So good night everybody!
Have a good day : )
-Nolan
--------------------
Top Five Songs of the Day
- Best Mistake by Amber Pacific
- Worst to December by Sugarcult
- We Are The Reasons by We Came as Romans
- The Blue Stare by New Found Glory
- Tonight I'll Take What I Can Get by Dashboard Confessional
*NOTE*
I'm getting rid of the "Lyric of the Day" thing.
Kinda boring.
So yeah.
No more lyrics!
Video Game of the Day
Fable III !
Youtube Video of the Day
Picture(s) of the Day
I FIGURED OUT THAT GIFS WORK ON MY BLOG!
SUCCESS!
This blog is boring, but read it anyway. Because you love me!
Long-ass title!
But.. It basically says it all.
I'm... Really not in the mood to do this.
I'm not going to whine and complain though!
Last time I did that, I had to have a serious talk with a friend about my blogging habits ^_^
That was... Actually, it was a really good night.
Anyway.
I guess today was just....
A lot.
Emotional roller coaster.
It's interesting....
I usually look at this blog like a sort of.. Cyber therapist.
Like someone I can vent to.
But tonight.. I just feel different.
I don't want to bother people with my complaining!
So instead, I'm just going to ramble on about what I'm feeling : )
I seem to be on a roll with writing a bunch on a blog, then deleting it all because it's too.. Emotional.
That's what just happened basically. Hahaha.
I wrote for a good 10 minutes then erased it all.
I guess I just am not in the mood to blog tonight.
Emotions!
Wheeeeee.
Check out this picture I found!
So many emotions!
And it's weird being able to.. Realize that you can feel each one of those.
Read over it!
It's actually really interesting to read it and remember the different times you've felt that way.
-------------------
Today, I did something... Abnormally mainstream.
I posted a photo on that "Most beautiful teen" crap on Facebook.
I've already gotten tons of shit from multiple people for posting it.
So I'm going to make this clear!
1. I don't care about "winning".
2. I'm not trying to get attention.
3. I got. Bored. I literally had nothing to do, and I wanted to do SOMETHING. So I posted one.
4. And plus I now am getting random friend requests. I need more people to talk to! And this way, I can get more input on my more important posts : )
*NOTE*
If you're reading this right now, and unless you have told me directly that posting that picture was stupid, I'm not bitching about you! I'm talking about the people that were.. Quite brutal to me. That were determined to try and hurt me.
Just gotta make that clear haha.
In fact, the people that have given me shit were more.. People I didn't know personally. Who decided that they needed to tell me that I was an attention whore.
So if you're my friend, and we talked today, and you didn't give me shit, thank you very much. : )
I'm really not in a good mood right now.
In case you couldn't tell.
Goodness me.
I'm very frustrated.
It's so weird.
I'm angry, and I don't even know why!
That's not true, I just.. I don't know how to describe it.
Hmph.
Something else!
I'm... Extremely emotional right now. Haha.
So I changed my cover photo on Facebook to this!
I read over this blog about 5 times before I posted it...
But.. It basically says it all.
I'm... Really not in the mood to do this.
I'm not going to whine and complain though!
Last time I did that, I had to have a serious talk with a friend about my blogging habits ^_^
That was... Actually, it was a really good night.
Anyway.
I guess today was just....
A lot.
Emotional roller coaster.
It's interesting....
I usually look at this blog like a sort of.. Cyber therapist.
Like someone I can vent to.
But tonight.. I just feel different.
I don't want to bother people with my complaining!
So instead, I'm just going to ramble on about what I'm feeling : )
I seem to be on a roll with writing a bunch on a blog, then deleting it all because it's too.. Emotional.
That's what just happened basically. Hahaha.
I wrote for a good 10 minutes then erased it all.
I guess I just am not in the mood to blog tonight.
Emotions!
Wheeeeee.
Check out this picture I found!
And it's weird being able to.. Realize that you can feel each one of those.
Read over it!
It's actually really interesting to read it and remember the different times you've felt that way.
-------------------
 |
| This one! |
I posted a photo on that "Most beautiful teen" crap on Facebook.
I've already gotten tons of shit from multiple people for posting it.
So I'm going to make this clear!
1. I don't care about "winning".
2. I'm not trying to get attention.
3. I got. Bored. I literally had nothing to do, and I wanted to do SOMETHING. So I posted one.
4. And plus I now am getting random friend requests. I need more people to talk to! And this way, I can get more input on my more important posts : )
*NOTE*
If you're reading this right now, and unless you have told me directly that posting that picture was stupid, I'm not bitching about you! I'm talking about the people that were.. Quite brutal to me. That were determined to try and hurt me.
Just gotta make that clear haha.
In fact, the people that have given me shit were more.. People I didn't know personally. Who decided that they needed to tell me that I was an attention whore.
So if you're my friend, and we talked today, and you didn't give me shit, thank you very much. : )
I'm really not in a good mood right now.
In case you couldn't tell.
Goodness me.
I'm very frustrated.
It's so weird.
I'm angry, and I don't even know why!
That's not true, I just.. I don't know how to describe it.
Hmph.
Something else!
I'm... Extremely emotional right now. Haha.
So I changed my cover photo on Facebook to this!
Why?
I don't... Actually.... Know.
I want to.. Have something to be passionate about.
I want to help people.
I want to volunteer to help To Write Love On Her Arms the next time I can.
... Correction, I will be volunteering to work with TWLOHA.
I mean, I don't know what I'll be able to do, or anything.
I just.... I want to help people move through what I've been through.
I want to help people.
I really am looking forward to helping with that : )
I guess I want to.. I don't know!
Ugh.
I just don't know.
Right now, my emotions are ALL over the place!
I have no idea what to say, what to think, what to do, what to write about!
Ohhh my goodness.
I'm getting dangerously close to having a panic attack on a blog.
Give me a second to breathe.
...
...
...
There we go.
Little more calm-ish.
I'm pretty tired actually.
Haha.
So, I'm going to.. Go.... To sleep now.
I really need to get off this computer for a while haha.
So I hope tomorrow I'll write a happier blog!
I wanted to make sure it didn't turn into me constantly complaining.
I hope it didn't look that way. I didn't mean to write it that way, at least.
Well, I'm tired of reading and re-reading this post, so.. I'm gonna post it! And go to sleep.
I'm tired of being awake right now. Soooo... Yeah.
*NOTE*
If you're one of those dutiful readers that read my posts everyday, thank you again for putting up with all my crazy emotions.
Sleep well everybody.
Or have a good day, depending on when you're reading this!
-Nolan
--------------------
Top Five Songs of the Day
- Los Angeles by Sugarcult
- By My Side by 3 Doors Down
- I Miss You by Blink-182
- King For A Day by Green Day
- Devil's Swing by Godsmack
Song Lyric of the Day
~I miss you.~
-I Miss You by Blink-182
(Simplistic lyrical choice but.. I'm sure we're all missing someone).
Video Game of the Day
Need For Speed: Hot Pursuit
(Most recent one).
Youtube Video of the Day
Picture(s) of the Day
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Your Scars Aren't Who You Are - They're Who You've Been
Let's see.. What have I done today...
I woke up early so I could stop by and see my friend Ian's senior thesis at Heritage!
He addressed the validity of video games as a form of art.
It was awesome!
He decided that video games should be classified as art because they share many features of art and literature.
I mean, that's how it sounded to me. I tried to summarize it, and that's what came out.
Anyway, it was really interesting.
I had more questions to ask, but Mrs. Hahn t me off because the next presentation had to start ) :
Sad day.
Oh well.
Then... I dropped by home to pick up my laptop, then headed out to class.
On Tuesdays, I have a 3 hour biology lab..... I don't like it.
However, afterwards, I have abnormal psychology. Yay!
That class is much more interesting to me.
I love psychology. Sociology is kind of interesting too.
Hmmm...
There's some guy at csu has a Porsche 911 Carrera S... It's very pretty.
And a few nice 2011 Wrx Imprezas... Some guy has a modded 350z that's very pretty.
However.... I really don't like huge mufflers on a car.. seriously.
They aren't cool! On the 350z, it's got dual mufflers that are easily 5 or 6 inches wide..
I looked down the pipe itself, the actual exhaust tip is maybe 3 to 4 inches wide.
Really? It's not that cool.
Seriously. Unnecessarily large mufflers make your car look stupid.
And it makes me laugh because you have more of a chance of scraping it on the ground if you take a bump wrong.
Oh well.
Nice car, tool driver.
--------------------
I guess what I've been thinking about today is..
Well, the fact that you have scars, cuts, burns, bruises that you made... that sort of thing, it doesn't define who you are.
It doesn't mean that you're a bad person, that you're emo, that you want attention, that you're selfish..
None of those are true.
You have those scars for a reason. You have them because you reached the point where you needed a release, you needed to feel something, so you cut yourself to feel a rush, to see the blood.
You were in so much pain for a number of reasons.. Life was crashing down, the stress was so high..
Some of you might remember the exact thoughts and feelings you had before you cut for the first time.
It's... Well, it's a bigger decision than most people think.
Once you cut yourself, you're.. Stuck with it. You will have to live with the realization that you hurt yourself to feel better, that you were willing to inflict physical pain on yourself in order to feel a mental or emotional release.
That's a big deal!
You may even become addicted to your choice of self-harm.. You love the sight of your blood, you love the feel of hot metal against your skin, you love the feel of a knife cutting you..
Those feelings are addicting.
For those of you who have never struggled with those feelings, you probably can't see why someone would do that. It just.. Well, it's freeing. It really is. I can't tell you what everyone feels, because everyone will hurt themselves for various reasons, and they'll react to their own pain in a different way.
The point is.. Just because you hurt yourself.. Just because you reached that point.. Just because you needed to feel that release.. Just because you mutilated your body to feel happy..
It doesn't define you.
You may have scars.
You may have cigarette burns.
Those don't make you who you are.
You decide for yourself who you are.
You aren't always going to be "That guy or girl that cuts them self."
That's not who you'll be forever.
Yes, you may be known as someone who hurts them self, someone who harms their body to relax.
Those labels won't last forever!
I've only been in depression and cutting for 5 years.
That's not that long, comparatively.
But I still know what it's like to need that release.
I mean, read this blog I wrote about part of my history.
Parts of my experience with depression and pain.
...
Okay? Read it?
That piece of writing should at least prove the point that.. Well, I've been through a decent amount of shit.
I'm still alive.
This post I wrote actually is a lot of encouragement... It's kind of a "YOU CAN DO EET"-type post.
Read that too.
...
Yay! Hopefully reading that would have gotten you.. Pumped up. Sort of.
So! Back to my current post.
Those scars, those labels, those names they call you.. They won't last forever.
I can't outrun my past, I can't leave it behind.
That is what those scars do to you. They don't tell you who you are.
But they do tell you what you've been through.
That's a good thing! I mean.. That they tell you what you've been through.
They display the fact that..
"Yeah, I've been through shit. Shit that broke me down, tore me apart, ripped me to shreds, and tried to kill me. But guess what? I'm still here. I'm alive. I made it through hell, and I can keep going."
That's how I look at it.
My scars don't decide for me who I am, or who I will be.
They show that I've been through a lot, and that I'm strong enough that I've made it through!
That I'm still alive, even after life tried to take me down!
I'm stronger because of it.
You know what?
I made it. And you did too!
We're both alive, aren't we? Yes, we've felt pain more than others have.
We've fallen apart in the worst ways.
But.. We're here.
If people see your scars, if they judge you...
It's not worth it.
They're not even worth talking to.
If they can't wrap their mind around.. The fact that you've gone through pain, that you've been broken...
Ignore them. They don't know anything about you!
I'm repeating myself...
So I'll stop there.
The main gist of the post....
Yes, you've been through hell.
You've been in pain, pain so.. Strong that you've hurt yourself to feel a release.
But.. Those scars don't define you.
They don't change who you are!
They display what you've been through.
They're proof that you got in a fight, a civil war with your own self.
But you're alive. You're still here.
So.. Hang in there people. It'll get better..
Keep your chin up. You're alive, and you made it through your own personal hell.
Good job.. I'm proud of you.
Have a good day everybody.
If you feel like someone needs to read this.. Let them know.
Some people need a little encouragement sometimes.
: )
Thanks for reading!
-Nolan
--------------------
Top Five Songs of the Day
I woke up early so I could stop by and see my friend Ian's senior thesis at Heritage!
He addressed the validity of video games as a form of art.
It was awesome!
He decided that video games should be classified as art because they share many features of art and literature.
I mean, that's how it sounded to me. I tried to summarize it, and that's what came out.
Anyway, it was really interesting.
I had more questions to ask, but Mrs. Hahn t me off because the next presentation had to start ) :
Sad day.
Oh well.
Then... I dropped by home to pick up my laptop, then headed out to class.
On Tuesdays, I have a 3 hour biology lab..... I don't like it.
However, afterwards, I have abnormal psychology. Yay!
That class is much more interesting to me.
I love psychology. Sociology is kind of interesting too.
Hmmm...
There's some guy at csu has a Porsche 911 Carrera S... It's very pretty.
And a few nice 2011 Wrx Imprezas... Some guy has a modded 350z that's very pretty.
However.... I really don't like huge mufflers on a car.. seriously.
They aren't cool! On the 350z, it's got dual mufflers that are easily 5 or 6 inches wide..
I looked down the pipe itself, the actual exhaust tip is maybe 3 to 4 inches wide.
Really? It's not that cool.
Seriously. Unnecessarily large mufflers make your car look stupid.
And it makes me laugh because you have more of a chance of scraping it on the ground if you take a bump wrong.
Oh well.
Nice car, tool driver.
--------------------
I guess what I've been thinking about today is..
Well, the fact that you have scars, cuts, burns, bruises that you made... that sort of thing, it doesn't define who you are.
It doesn't mean that you're a bad person, that you're emo, that you want attention, that you're selfish..
None of those are true.
You have those scars for a reason. You have them because you reached the point where you needed a release, you needed to feel something, so you cut yourself to feel a rush, to see the blood.
You were in so much pain for a number of reasons.. Life was crashing down, the stress was so high..
Some of you might remember the exact thoughts and feelings you had before you cut for the first time.
It's... Well, it's a bigger decision than most people think.
Once you cut yourself, you're.. Stuck with it. You will have to live with the realization that you hurt yourself to feel better, that you were willing to inflict physical pain on yourself in order to feel a mental or emotional release.
That's a big deal!
You may even become addicted to your choice of self-harm.. You love the sight of your blood, you love the feel of hot metal against your skin, you love the feel of a knife cutting you..
Those feelings are addicting.
For those of you who have never struggled with those feelings, you probably can't see why someone would do that. It just.. Well, it's freeing. It really is. I can't tell you what everyone feels, because everyone will hurt themselves for various reasons, and they'll react to their own pain in a different way.
The point is.. Just because you hurt yourself.. Just because you reached that point.. Just because you needed to feel that release.. Just because you mutilated your body to feel happy..
It doesn't define you.
You may have scars.
You may have cigarette burns.
Those don't make you who you are.
You decide for yourself who you are.
You aren't always going to be "That guy or girl that cuts them self."
That's not who you'll be forever.
Yes, you may be known as someone who hurts them self, someone who harms their body to relax.
Those labels won't last forever!
I've only been in depression and cutting for 5 years.
That's not that long, comparatively.
But I still know what it's like to need that release.
I mean, read this blog I wrote about part of my history.
Parts of my experience with depression and pain.
...
Okay? Read it?
That piece of writing should at least prove the point that.. Well, I've been through a decent amount of shit.
I'm still alive.
This post I wrote actually is a lot of encouragement... It's kind of a "YOU CAN DO EET"-type post.
Read that too.
...
Yay! Hopefully reading that would have gotten you.. Pumped up. Sort of.
So! Back to my current post.
Those scars, those labels, those names they call you.. They won't last forever.
I can't outrun my past, I can't leave it behind.
That is what those scars do to you. They don't tell you who you are.
But they do tell you what you've been through.
That's a good thing! I mean.. That they tell you what you've been through.
They display the fact that..
"Yeah, I've been through shit. Shit that broke me down, tore me apart, ripped me to shreds, and tried to kill me. But guess what? I'm still here. I'm alive. I made it through hell, and I can keep going."
That's how I look at it.
My scars don't decide for me who I am, or who I will be.
They show that I've been through a lot, and that I'm strong enough that I've made it through!
That I'm still alive, even after life tried to take me down!
I'm stronger because of it.
You know what?
I made it. And you did too!
We're both alive, aren't we? Yes, we've felt pain more than others have.
We've fallen apart in the worst ways.
But.. We're here.
If people see your scars, if they judge you...
It's not worth it.
They're not even worth talking to.
If they can't wrap their mind around.. The fact that you've gone through pain, that you've been broken...
Ignore them. They don't know anything about you!
I'm repeating myself...
So I'll stop there.
The main gist of the post....
Yes, you've been through hell.
You've been in pain, pain so.. Strong that you've hurt yourself to feel a release.
But.. Those scars don't define you.
They don't change who you are!
They display what you've been through.
They're proof that you got in a fight, a civil war with your own self.
But you're alive. You're still here.
So.. Hang in there people. It'll get better..
Keep your chin up. You're alive, and you made it through your own personal hell.
Good job.. I'm proud of you.
Have a good day everybody.
If you feel like someone needs to read this.. Let them know.
Some people need a little encouragement sometimes.
: )
Thanks for reading!
-Nolan
--------------------
Top Five Songs of the Day
- Narcissistic Cannibal ft. Skrillex and Kill the Noise by KoRn
- Dancing Nancies by Dave Matthews Band
- Let the Flames Begin by Paramore
- The Kids Don't Stand a chance by Vampire Weekend
- The Good Fight by Dashboard Confessional
Song Lyric of the Day
~Look up at the sky
My mouth is open wide, lick and taste
What's the use in worrying, what's the use in hurrying
Turn, turn we almost become dizzy
Iam who I am who I am who am I
Requesting some enlightenment
Could I have been anyone other than me?
Sing and dance I'll play for you tonight
And thrill at it all
Dark clouds may hang on me sometimes
But I'll work it out then I
Look up at the sky
My mouth is open wide, lick and taste
What's the use in worrying, what's the use in hurrying
Turn, turn we almost become dizzy ~
-Dancing Nancies by Dave Matthews Band
Video Game of the Day
Dungeon Defenders!
Again!
Awesome game.
Youtube Video of the Day
WUT.
Picture(s) of the Day
Monday, March 26, 2012
A Letter to the Broken-Hearted
I'm tired.
I want to go to sleep.
I really wish I could.
I want to sleep.
Sigh.
I want to sleep right now, actually.
I suppose I could.
I can make it sleeping through my sociology class.
I might.. I don't know.
I'm so tired.
I don't know why! I got 5 hours of sleep.
Hmph.
Well now.....
Time for my blog!
Let's find out where my mind takes me today, shall we?
--------------------
Well, I wrote the title before I even started this post.
I suppose that's what I want to write about..
Another one of my... Encouragement posts. I guess.
Isn't that weird? That's what my posts end up being.
I'm not sure why. I guess I just want people to...
Read this kind of thing. It's asking a lot to just say "Take it to heart", because, let's be honest.
It's extremely impersonal.
But it's something I'm pretty passionate about. I really want to help others!
That's probably why I'm majoring in psychology. Still not sure what I'm going to do with it but..
I want to help others.
It's something I love doing.
I try my hardest to help people, and.. Sometimes it works, sometimes it fails. Terribly.
But you can't blame a guy for trying, right?
Well, I suppose you can. But that's beside the point.
Anyway.
Went off on a little tangent there.
Back to the main purpose of this post.
A Letter to the Broken-Hearted.
What's that supposed to mean?
I'm not really sure.
Ugh.
I wanted to write this when I was in a good mood.
I was feeling half decent.
Sadly, I'm extremely upset.
I... Well, I feel like I'm losing my closest friends.
A few, actually.
One of which refuses to acknowledge I exist, another that doesn't bother talking with me much, and another who's life is too busy for me.
Again, it doesn't bother me that they're busy. It just bothers me that they don't even try to talk to me.
Oh well.
I have to get used to it. I've reached that point in my life when people will start moving on without me, and I have to accept that.
No matter how hard I try to hold on, there will be people that will just... Forget about me.
But I can live with that. I have to.
Back again again to my blog post again.
Let's see...
Heart break sucks. Doesn't it?
It really is not a feeling that I enjoy.
Look. I'm not going to stand here and sugarcoat everyone.
I mean..
I can say the stereotypical things!
1. There's other fish in the sea.
2. If it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be.
3. Let them go.
4. Try to move on.
5. Find someone else.
6. You'll find someone like them.
7. They weren't worth your time.
.........
You've probably heard those over and over and over and over and over and over and over.
Again.
And over again.
Again. Over.
Lots of times.
Constantly, in fact.
If you're used to heart break, you're used to hearing those.
I mean, really. That's all you ever hear.
And when you hear those, there's a few different ways you can react.
1. Reject what they said, continue feeling sorry for yourself, stay depressed.
2. Smile at what they said, thank them, continue feeling sorry for yourself, stay depressed.
3. Accept what they said, thank them, smile, feel better.
Honestly? I usually go with one of the top two.
If you have your heart broken, you don't want to let them go.
You realize that things are bad, that they won't go back to the way they were,
Everything hurts, everything reminds you of them..
You cry yourself to sleep each night.
You drown yourself in memories of them.
You listen to depressing songs, you listen to your "special song" over. And over. And over again.
You know that things won't work out, but.. Dammit, you still love them with all that you are.
That's just.. Not a fun situation to be in.
It sucks.
It hurts.
It feels like it will never end.
You want to move on, you want to be happy, but..
You don't want to let them go.
In my opinion, that's the most painful part.
You realize you're in pain, that you need to avoid this pain.. And to feel that happiness, you need to move on.
I hate it.
I really, really do.
But you know what?
I think life goes on.
Scratch that, I don't think.
I know.
And don't think I'm saying this because I don't understand.
Yes, I'm saying this and I don't know your situation.
Yes, you don't know my situation.
I say this because....
Well, I know how it feels.
And it's not a good feeling. At all.
Doesn't it suck?
Going every day, not knowing when you'll burst into tears?
Walking through your day, realizing that everything you see reminds you of them?
Yeah.
It's a terrible feeling.
It just...
It rips you apart. Daily.
But hey!
I'm not lying.
Life goes on. It really does.
I'm not going to say that there's "other fish in the sea", because..
Well, you don't care about other fish. You want THAT fish. That one. Only that one.
I know you don't really want to hear all this, but.. I'll say it anyway.
Because, odds are, someone out there will benefit from this.
If it's meant to be, it will happen.
That's.. The best advice I can offer.
This is the hardest thing for me to realize.
It.. takes a while. Months, years.
I'm.. Barely starting to understand that. But it's something I know I'll realize it.
I realize that I'm going to move on, it will just take a long time.
If I can move on, YOU can move on.
I guarantee it.
It will hurt, it will suck at times.
Or all the time.
You'll stumble, you'll fall.
The thing about moving on... Well, you really have to want it.
Getting to that point is really rough.
To this point... You need to..
I don't even know. It's rough.
I'm having trouble writing this blog. I'm on Skype with Ashley ( :
It's kind of nice!
And then after Skyping Ashley, I'm getting on Skype with my cat buddy Maddie! .-.
Awww yeah.
Anyway.
I guess it's hard to focus.
But that's not bad!
I'm just distracted haha.
ANYWAY.
I'm going to try to finish this blog.
Being heartbroken...
It sucks. It's terrible!
It's painful, it hurts, it's rough..
It's not okay.
It's the worst thing in the world.
Feeling like your heart has been ripped out, like it's been stomped on.
But, I'm here to say..
You can move on.
I can't say that I'm moved on completely! I definitely cannot claim that.
In fact, I'm quite the opposite. I'm not good at moving on.
But.. The point is, I know I can.
I know I'm able to!
That's the thing!
I'm slowly realizing that life goes on.
It really does.
Yes, your heart is broken. You may feel unloved. Like you're broken, like no one can ever love you.
You feel tossed out with the rest of the trash.
You feel stepped on.
You feel used.
Like nobody cares, like you're too damaged to even love.
Maybe they cheated on you..
You're wondering how.. When... Why would they do that to you?
Was there anything you could have done to stop it?
You feel used. Hated. Disowned. Alone.
Maybe they just... Stopped caring.
How could they do that to you?
Don't they see what you had done for them?
Can't they realize how strong your feelings are?
Yes....
This all hurts.
So much.
But you can MAKE IT.
You can move past this.
You can!
I promise!
It'll be hard, it'll be painful.
But you'll make it. You know why?
Because you're worth it.
Because you deserve better.
They cheated on you?
They weren't worth your time. If they can't realize how special they were to you, then they weren't worth it.
It's painful to think that way, and it hurts because you still love them..
But it's the truth.
You deserve better than that.
If they can't figure out just how awesome you are, just how much of a catch you are, they don't deserve you.
If they won't put in the work, the emotional effort that you put in, then they aren't worth the effort you would put in to keep them.
That sounds... Brutal. But it's true!
I've only been cheated on once, and it was a couple years ago.
One of the worst feelings of my life.
But you know what?
I realized I deserved better.
I think that, after being cheated on, that's the hardest thing to come to realize.
"I deserve better."
3 words, easy to say... hard to mean.
But you really do.
You really do deserve better.
I promise you that.
But, if you weren't cheated on..
I think it's harder to 'move on'.
Because you still care for them, and.. It's just rougher.
But.. Even then.
You can still make it.
You can live without them.
As hard as that sounds.
You are able to move on!
Life goes on.
It's stereotypical.
And I know you probably hear it constantly, and you're sick of hearing it.
But, honestly, it's the only advice I can really offer.
That's not true.
I guess that's the main thing I can say.
Is that life really does move on!
When it comes to being happy, to moving on, you are your own greatest obstacle.
Again, stereotypical.
But it's so true! Once you realize that you want to move on, once you realize that you can make yourself happy, you'll feel better. I promise!
It just takes a lot of willpower to reach that point.
It really does.
But once you reach that point...
It's so.. Freeing.
I mean, I haven't really hit the point where I'm fantastic constantly.
But I have been able to feel happy on multiple occasions.
The thing is, you need to be able to find things that make you happy, things you enjoy.
Once you find those, you can.. Start to take steps towards healing.
Listen to me! I sound like.... A therapist. Or something.
I mean, that's pretty much common sense to me.
Find something you enjoy, keep doing it.
I always find things to distract myself with!
Friends.
Video games.
Music.
Friends.
Music.
Video games.
Friends.
See? Those are the things I do.
They help!
I guess that's.. The whole point of this blog.
You can make yourself happy, you just have to be prepared to put in effort.
You need to realize that you will feel pain, that success will not come easily.
But if you want to heal, you can do it.
So...
Yeah.
Honestly, I think I'm going to get off of my blog for now.
Not because I'm bored, not because I'm depressed, I just...
Well, I don't know where to take this blog!
--------------------
I'm on Skype with my cat buddy Maddie.
I need to explain 'cat buddy'.
One day, we were both pissed at people
And we decided that we were cats, so we could scratch peoples' drapes, and legs, and run away.
'Cause we're cats.
So.. She's my cat buddy, because we're weird.
Very, very weird people.
We're on Skype, and it's kind of making my day.
It's so fun.
We are making random faces and meme references.
XD
So yeah.
--------------------
I suppose that's my blog for the day.
I realize it was... very hard to follow.
The reason being, I wrote it at various points during the day, when I was doing something else.
So I'm sorry if the thought pattern is way too crazy, and you didn't follow a single word I said.
My intentions were good though!
I really did want to help...
So I hope this blog did.... Something.
For someone.
Maybe it helped someone!
I mean... I don't know.
I just hope it made you smile or something!
So yeah!
Sorry for the.. disjointed, random, confusing, and scatterbrained blog.
I hope you enjoyed reading it (:
Good night everybody!
-Nolan
--------------------
--------------------
Top Five Songs of the Day
I want to go to sleep.
I really wish I could.
I want to sleep.
Sigh.
I want to sleep right now, actually.
I suppose I could.
I can make it sleeping through my sociology class.
I might.. I don't know.
I'm so tired.
I don't know why! I got 5 hours of sleep.
Hmph.
Well now.....
Time for my blog!
Let's find out where my mind takes me today, shall we?
--------------------
Well, I wrote the title before I even started this post.
I suppose that's what I want to write about..
Another one of my... Encouragement posts. I guess.
Isn't that weird? That's what my posts end up being.
I'm not sure why. I guess I just want people to...
Read this kind of thing. It's asking a lot to just say "Take it to heart", because, let's be honest.
It's extremely impersonal.
But it's something I'm pretty passionate about. I really want to help others!
That's probably why I'm majoring in psychology. Still not sure what I'm going to do with it but..
I want to help others.
It's something I love doing.
I try my hardest to help people, and.. Sometimes it works, sometimes it fails. Terribly.
But you can't blame a guy for trying, right?
Well, I suppose you can. But that's beside the point.
Anyway.
Went off on a little tangent there.
Back to the main purpose of this post.
A Letter to the Broken-Hearted.
What's that supposed to mean?
I'm not really sure.
Ugh.
I wanted to write this when I was in a good mood.
I was feeling half decent.
Sadly, I'm extremely upset.
I... Well, I feel like I'm losing my closest friends.
A few, actually.
One of which refuses to acknowledge I exist, another that doesn't bother talking with me much, and another who's life is too busy for me.
Again, it doesn't bother me that they're busy. It just bothers me that they don't even try to talk to me.
Oh well.
I have to get used to it. I've reached that point in my life when people will start moving on without me, and I have to accept that.
No matter how hard I try to hold on, there will be people that will just... Forget about me.
But I can live with that. I have to.
Back again again to my blog post again.
Let's see...
Heart break sucks. Doesn't it?
It really is not a feeling that I enjoy.
Look. I'm not going to stand here and sugarcoat everyone.
I mean..
I can say the stereotypical things!
1. There's other fish in the sea.
2. If it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be.
3. Let them go.
4. Try to move on.
5. Find someone else.
6. You'll find someone like them.
7. They weren't worth your time.
.........
You've probably heard those over and over and over and over and over and over and over.
Again.
And over again.
Again. Over.
Lots of times.
Constantly, in fact.
If you're used to heart break, you're used to hearing those.
I mean, really. That's all you ever hear.
And when you hear those, there's a few different ways you can react.
1. Reject what they said, continue feeling sorry for yourself, stay depressed.
2. Smile at what they said, thank them, continue feeling sorry for yourself, stay depressed.
3. Accept what they said, thank them, smile, feel better.
Honestly? I usually go with one of the top two.
If you have your heart broken, you don't want to let them go.
You realize that things are bad, that they won't go back to the way they were,
Everything hurts, everything reminds you of them..
You cry yourself to sleep each night.
You drown yourself in memories of them.
You listen to depressing songs, you listen to your "special song" over. And over. And over again.
You know that things won't work out, but.. Dammit, you still love them with all that you are.
That's just.. Not a fun situation to be in.
It sucks.
It hurts.
It feels like it will never end.
You want to move on, you want to be happy, but..
You don't want to let them go.
In my opinion, that's the most painful part.
You realize you're in pain, that you need to avoid this pain.. And to feel that happiness, you need to move on.
I hate it.
I really, really do.
But you know what?
I think life goes on.
Scratch that, I don't think.
I know.
And don't think I'm saying this because I don't understand.
Yes, I'm saying this and I don't know your situation.
Yes, you don't know my situation.
I say this because....
Well, I know how it feels.
And it's not a good feeling. At all.
Doesn't it suck?
Going every day, not knowing when you'll burst into tears?
Walking through your day, realizing that everything you see reminds you of them?
Yeah.
It's a terrible feeling.
It just...
It rips you apart. Daily.
But hey!
I'm not lying.
Life goes on. It really does.
I'm not going to say that there's "other fish in the sea", because..
Well, you don't care about other fish. You want THAT fish. That one. Only that one.
I know you don't really want to hear all this, but.. I'll say it anyway.
Because, odds are, someone out there will benefit from this.
If it's meant to be, it will happen.
That's.. The best advice I can offer.
This is the hardest thing for me to realize.
It.. takes a while. Months, years.
I'm.. Barely starting to understand that. But it's something I know I'll realize it.
I realize that I'm going to move on, it will just take a long time.
If I can move on, YOU can move on.
I guarantee it.
It will hurt, it will suck at times.
Or all the time.
You'll stumble, you'll fall.
The thing about moving on... Well, you really have to want it.
Getting to that point is really rough.
To this point... You need to..
I don't even know. It's rough.
I'm having trouble writing this blog. I'm on Skype with Ashley ( :
It's kind of nice!
And then after Skyping Ashley, I'm getting on Skype with my cat buddy Maddie! .-.
Awww yeah.
Anyway.
I guess it's hard to focus.
But that's not bad!
I'm just distracted haha.
ANYWAY.
I'm going to try to finish this blog.
Being heartbroken...
It sucks. It's terrible!
It's painful, it hurts, it's rough..
It's not okay.
It's the worst thing in the world.
Feeling like your heart has been ripped out, like it's been stomped on.
But, I'm here to say..
You can move on.
I can't say that I'm moved on completely! I definitely cannot claim that.
In fact, I'm quite the opposite. I'm not good at moving on.
But.. The point is, I know I can.
I know I'm able to!
That's the thing!
I'm slowly realizing that life goes on.
It really does.
Yes, your heart is broken. You may feel unloved. Like you're broken, like no one can ever love you.
You feel tossed out with the rest of the trash.
You feel stepped on.
You feel used.
Like nobody cares, like you're too damaged to even love.
Maybe they cheated on you..
You're wondering how.. When... Why would they do that to you?
Was there anything you could have done to stop it?
You feel used. Hated. Disowned. Alone.
Maybe they just... Stopped caring.
How could they do that to you?
Don't they see what you had done for them?
Can't they realize how strong your feelings are?
Yes....
This all hurts.
So much.
But you can MAKE IT.
You can move past this.
You can!
I promise!
It'll be hard, it'll be painful.
But you'll make it. You know why?
Because you're worth it.
Because you deserve better.
They cheated on you?
They weren't worth your time. If they can't realize how special they were to you, then they weren't worth it.
It's painful to think that way, and it hurts because you still love them..
But it's the truth.
You deserve better than that.
If they can't figure out just how awesome you are, just how much of a catch you are, they don't deserve you.
If they won't put in the work, the emotional effort that you put in, then they aren't worth the effort you would put in to keep them.
That sounds... Brutal. But it's true!
I've only been cheated on once, and it was a couple years ago.
One of the worst feelings of my life.
But you know what?
I realized I deserved better.
I think that, after being cheated on, that's the hardest thing to come to realize.
"I deserve better."
3 words, easy to say... hard to mean.
But you really do.
You really do deserve better.
I promise you that.
But, if you weren't cheated on..
I think it's harder to 'move on'.
Because you still care for them, and.. It's just rougher.
But.. Even then.
You can still make it.
You can live without them.
As hard as that sounds.
You are able to move on!
Life goes on.
It's stereotypical.
And I know you probably hear it constantly, and you're sick of hearing it.
But, honestly, it's the only advice I can really offer.
That's not true.
I guess that's the main thing I can say.
Is that life really does move on!
When it comes to being happy, to moving on, you are your own greatest obstacle.
Again, stereotypical.
But it's so true! Once you realize that you want to move on, once you realize that you can make yourself happy, you'll feel better. I promise!
It just takes a lot of willpower to reach that point.
It really does.
But once you reach that point...
It's so.. Freeing.
I mean, I haven't really hit the point where I'm fantastic constantly.
But I have been able to feel happy on multiple occasions.
The thing is, you need to be able to find things that make you happy, things you enjoy.
Once you find those, you can.. Start to take steps towards healing.
Listen to me! I sound like.... A therapist. Or something.
I mean, that's pretty much common sense to me.
Find something you enjoy, keep doing it.
I always find things to distract myself with!
Friends.
Video games.
Music.
Friends.
Music.
Video games.
Friends.
See? Those are the things I do.
They help!
I guess that's.. The whole point of this blog.
You can make yourself happy, you just have to be prepared to put in effort.
You need to realize that you will feel pain, that success will not come easily.
But if you want to heal, you can do it.
So...
Yeah.
Honestly, I think I'm going to get off of my blog for now.
Not because I'm bored, not because I'm depressed, I just...
Well, I don't know where to take this blog!
--------------------
I'm on Skype with my cat buddy Maddie.
I need to explain 'cat buddy'.
One day, we were both pissed at people
And we decided that we were cats, so we could scratch peoples' drapes, and legs, and run away.
'Cause we're cats.
So.. She's my cat buddy, because we're weird.
Very, very weird people.
We're on Skype, and it's kind of making my day.
It's so fun.
We are making random faces and meme references.
XD
So yeah.
--------------------
I suppose that's my blog for the day.
I realize it was... very hard to follow.
The reason being, I wrote it at various points during the day, when I was doing something else.
So I'm sorry if the thought pattern is way too crazy, and you didn't follow a single word I said.
My intentions were good though!
I really did want to help...
So I hope this blog did.... Something.
For someone.
Maybe it helped someone!
I mean... I don't know.
I just hope it made you smile or something!
So yeah!
Sorry for the.. disjointed, random, confusing, and scatterbrained blog.
I hope you enjoyed reading it (:
Good night everybody!
-Nolan
--------------------
--------------------
Top Five Songs of the Day
- Aliens Exist by Blink-182
- 6 Foot 7 by Lil Wayne
- If Only They Knew by A Rocket to the Moon
- Into Your Arms by The Maine
- Here For A Good Time by George Strait
Song Lyric of the Day
~I am still the skeptic yes you know me
Been best friends and will be till we die
I got an injection
Of fear from the abduction
My best friend thinks I'm just telling lies
Up all night long
And there's something very wrong
And I know it must be late
Been gone since yesterday
I'm not like you guys
I'm not like you~
-Aliens Exist by Blink-182
Video Game of the Day
Dungeon Defenders!
EPIC game.
Youtube Video of the Day
Picture(s) of the Day
Us in our pimp hats.
She tried to give me a cookie....
It didn't work so well.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Hmmm boring blog. Hahaha.. Banana.
Let's see....
See, again.. Nothing exciting happened. Again!
My life is boring on weekends.
Unless I'm actually with someone.
So... Maybe not.
It was boring.
What can I say.
Uh..
Woke up, ate breakfast.
Hung around the house.
Read a little.
Watched a bunch of Netflix.
I'm on the Office right now.
Gonna watch the whole series again.
I love that series...
Jim and Pam are so cute.
Sigh.
I wish I was like him hahah.
Oh well.
OH.
I picked up Dungeon Defenders.
It's a sick game.
I really like it.
I started with the Monk character.
Why?
Because the difficulty level is labeled 'Master'.
I like doing that in games.
In League of Legends, my first champion was Ezreal, because his difficulty level was pretty high.
In Soul Calibur, my first main character was Ivy because she was hard to play.
More recently, I picked Yoshimitsu on Soul Calibur IV.. He's fun.
I need to get SCV.
I've been waiting for that.
I REALLY need to pick that up.
Sigh.
Oh!
I made another friend today.
She's Maddie. We decided we are cat buddies ._.
We talk about.. Strange things.
A lot.
We are weird.
"When I'm bored, I lay on my floor, arch my back, and rock back and forth like a banana."
She said that today....
Made me laugh.
Very hard. It made my week ahead of time.
I'm pretty sure remembering that will make me laugh the rest of the week.
Hahaha.. Banana.
How else am I feeling. Hmm..
You know, I wish I could write short, sweet, to the point blogs.
Like Christine's!
If you have time, I would recommend reading her stuff.
I really really enjoy it!
I guess I wish I could write more blogs like Christine's and Ashley's.
I guess... I wish I could write blogs that were..
I don't know.
I wish I could write interesting, short blogs, every day. That way, people would be more inclined to read them every day.
Something I have to say, views aren't the ONLY reason I write my blog.
I judge the popularity of my blog on my views, that's it.
I want to bring in views because I want people to read my thoughts on things!
I just have to find better thoughts.. To write every day.
But that's not true. Lizzi said that people read my blog because people care about me and want to know about my life.
I hope that's true.
See what happens to me when I'm upset?
Geezzzz.. I get all..
Weird. And then my blog suffers for it.
Meh.
I suppose I could just stop writing for now, which works!
Rather than complain or bitch, I'm just gonna say that I'm heading to sleep!
That's a lie.
Gonna shower, then..
Curl up in bed with my iPod.
Good night!
Also, read those blogs I mentioned earlier (:
They're really good reads.. I think you would like reading them.
Thought-provoking, and all-around interesting (:
Sleeeeeeeep well peoples.
Haha... Banana.
-Nolan
See, again.. Nothing exciting happened. Again!
My life is boring on weekends.
Unless I'm actually with someone.
So... Maybe not.
It was boring.
What can I say.
Uh..
Woke up, ate breakfast.
Hung around the house.
Read a little.
Watched a bunch of Netflix.
I'm on the Office right now.
Gonna watch the whole series again.
I love that series...
Jim and Pam are so cute.
Sigh.
I wish I was like him hahah.
Oh well.
OH.
I picked up Dungeon Defenders.
It's a sick game.
I really like it.
I started with the Monk character.
Why?
Because the difficulty level is labeled 'Master'.
I like doing that in games.
In League of Legends, my first champion was Ezreal, because his difficulty level was pretty high.
In Soul Calibur, my first main character was Ivy because she was hard to play.
More recently, I picked Yoshimitsu on Soul Calibur IV.. He's fun.
I need to get SCV.
I've been waiting for that.
I REALLY need to pick that up.
Sigh.
Oh!
I made another friend today.
She's Maddie. We decided we are cat buddies ._.
We talk about.. Strange things.
A lot.
We are weird.
"When I'm bored, I lay on my floor, arch my back, and rock back and forth like a banana."
She said that today....
Made me laugh.
Very hard. It made my week ahead of time.
I'm pretty sure remembering that will make me laugh the rest of the week.
Hahaha.. Banana.
How else am I feeling. Hmm..
You know, I wish I could write short, sweet, to the point blogs.
Like Christine's!
If you have time, I would recommend reading her stuff.
I really really enjoy it!
I guess I wish I could write more blogs like Christine's and Ashley's.
I guess... I wish I could write blogs that were..
I don't know.
I wish I could write interesting, short blogs, every day. That way, people would be more inclined to read them every day.
Something I have to say, views aren't the ONLY reason I write my blog.
I judge the popularity of my blog on my views, that's it.
I want to bring in views because I want people to read my thoughts on things!
I just have to find better thoughts.. To write every day.
But that's not true. Lizzi said that people read my blog because people care about me and want to know about my life.
I hope that's true.
See what happens to me when I'm upset?
Geezzzz.. I get all..
Weird. And then my blog suffers for it.
Meh.
I suppose I could just stop writing for now, which works!
Rather than complain or bitch, I'm just gonna say that I'm heading to sleep!
That's a lie.
Gonna shower, then..
Curl up in bed with my iPod.
Good night!
Also, read those blogs I mentioned earlier (:
They're really good reads.. I think you would like reading them.
Thought-provoking, and all-around interesting (:
Sleeeeeeeep well peoples.
Haha... Banana.
-Nolan
Saturday, March 24, 2012
My posts seem to be getting shorter and shorter when I'm tired..
Hmmm....
Blog post..
Eh.
Not feeling it.
Short post.
So..
Good night!
Sleep well everybody.
Blog post..
Eh.
Not feeling it.
Short post.
So..
Good night!
Sleep well everybody.
Hmmm. Up early.. This blog is about FEELINGS. And such. Good morning, world!
Let's see....
Tonight was... Absolutely fantastic.
I had an amazing time.
I'm feeling.. A lot of different emotions.
But for the first time in a long time... They're mostly positive!
I mean, pretty much 85% positive!
Happiness, hope, excitement, attraction, interest, joy, and a little bit of disappointment, but.. Well, it's a small amount of disappointment in myself, but.. It's not to the point that I'm beating myself up.
Just a little.. Eh, could have done that better.
Basically, I hung out with.. 2 people I had never really met and 1 friend I knew pretty well. And..
It was amazing. It was awesome!
For those of you who actually know me, you probably know at least a little bit that.. I don't make friends easily.
I give off that vibe. I mean, I'm easy to talk to (so I'm told), and... Well, I find it easy to just pick up a conversation with people.
But tonight, it was.. It was more than just talking to them. I really....
Well, I had a fantastic time with them.
I mean, I don't really... Do... Anything........ Ever.
My weekends consist of playing video games and watching Netflix.
That's not a bad thing! I really love hanging out with my guy friends too!
I'm just.. Well, tonight was different. It was awesome.
Driving around, going to Wal-Mart at 3:00 am, walking around, hanging out in a park, finding a sketch tunnel and walking through it while being paranoid that a ghost or serial killer is right behind us...
It's stuff I don't really do! I don't really get out of the house much.
I really don't!
Which.. Well, now that I know there are things to do outside, I think I'm going to try and do more stuff.
Granted, the people I was with tonight are pretty much the only friends that I think would do that kind of stuff.. I hope I get to see more of them.
In particular, one of them. Who is a female. That.. I am interested in. So, hopefully, we get to hang out more.
I guess... Well, I had fun in a way that I've never had before. Ever.
In my entire life, I've never had fun like I did tonight.
It.. Was absolutely awesome.
I got a new environment, new friends...
Yeah.
I had a truly amazing night.
Sigh.
Please note, that 'sigh' right there? Right above this line?
The first happy sigh I've ever written on a blog! Woo!
It's a sigh of contentment.
And a little apprehension, and a little.. Hope? "Looking-forward-to" -ness?
The thing is, that hope might.. Be completely misplaced.
That's the only negative thing I'm feeling. I have hope like I've never had, but.....
Well, the hope could all be for nothing.
But that's not how I should think.
If I expect the worst, if I don't really.. Go for it, I'll end up disappointed.
I can't live just.. Assuming the worst will happen.
Granted, I've lived that way.. Most of my life. But....
I mean, tonight.. It might be the only night I feel this way.
This could be a one-time thing.
But I shouldn't think that way!
Hmph.
I'm a pessimist. Let's be honest. You read my blogs, you've seen how I write, the things I feel.
I'm a pessimist. Die-hard. I really don't.. Look at the positives.
Ever.
But.. Tonight, I'm going to try.. And change that. A little at a time.
So.. Let's look at this!
Lots of positives!
Negatives?
Good to know for college!
Obviously it's not good to skip my meds often.. But this is the first time in a while that I haven't taken them early.
Tonight was... Absolutely fantastic.
I had an amazing time.
I'm feeling.. A lot of different emotions.
But for the first time in a long time... They're mostly positive!
I mean, pretty much 85% positive!
Happiness, hope, excitement, attraction, interest, joy, and a little bit of disappointment, but.. Well, it's a small amount of disappointment in myself, but.. It's not to the point that I'm beating myself up.
Just a little.. Eh, could have done that better.
Basically, I hung out with.. 2 people I had never really met and 1 friend I knew pretty well. And..
It was amazing. It was awesome!
For those of you who actually know me, you probably know at least a little bit that.. I don't make friends easily.
I give off that vibe. I mean, I'm easy to talk to (so I'm told), and... Well, I find it easy to just pick up a conversation with people.
But tonight, it was.. It was more than just talking to them. I really....
Well, I had a fantastic time with them.
I mean, I don't really... Do... Anything........ Ever.
My weekends consist of playing video games and watching Netflix.
That's not a bad thing! I really love hanging out with my guy friends too!
I'm just.. Well, tonight was different. It was awesome.
Driving around, going to Wal-Mart at 3:00 am, walking around, hanging out in a park, finding a sketch tunnel and walking through it while being paranoid that a ghost or serial killer is right behind us...
It's stuff I don't really do! I don't really get out of the house much.
I really don't!
Which.. Well, now that I know there are things to do outside, I think I'm going to try and do more stuff.
Granted, the people I was with tonight are pretty much the only friends that I think would do that kind of stuff.. I hope I get to see more of them.
In particular, one of them. Who is a female. That.. I am interested in. So, hopefully, we get to hang out more.
I guess... Well, I had fun in a way that I've never had before. Ever.
In my entire life, I've never had fun like I did tonight.
It.. Was absolutely awesome.
I got a new environment, new friends...
Yeah.
I had a truly amazing night.
Sigh.
Please note, that 'sigh' right there? Right above this line?
The first happy sigh I've ever written on a blog! Woo!
It's a sigh of contentment.
And a little apprehension, and a little.. Hope? "Looking-forward-to" -ness?
The thing is, that hope might.. Be completely misplaced.
That's the only negative thing I'm feeling. I have hope like I've never had, but.....
Well, the hope could all be for nothing.
But that's not how I should think.
If I expect the worst, if I don't really.. Go for it, I'll end up disappointed.
I can't live just.. Assuming the worst will happen.
Granted, I've lived that way.. Most of my life. But....
I mean, tonight.. It might be the only night I feel this way.
This could be a one-time thing.
But I shouldn't think that way!
Hmph.
I'm a pessimist. Let's be honest. You read my blogs, you've seen how I write, the things I feel.
I'm a pessimist. Die-hard. I really don't.. Look at the positives.
Ever.
But.. Tonight, I'm going to try.. And change that. A little at a time.
So.. Let's look at this!
- I had a great time.
- It was fun.
- I felt fantastic.
- I had fun in a way I've never had before.
- I made 2 new friends.
- I got to do fun stuff that I've never done before.
- I look forward to hanging out with them again.
- I have.. Hope.
Lots of positives!
Negatives?
- I'm a little disappointed in myself.
- I learned I need to be more confident.
- I learned I need to stop second-guessing myself.
- I'm apprehensive because.. I'm worried this happiness will end, that my hopes will... Fall.
However, look at those numbers!
2x more positives than negatives!
And.. 2 of those negatives were me learning something.
So.. Tonight couldn't have been all bad.
I absolutely loved it.
I suppose the apprehension is.. Well, I had an amazing time. And.. I want it to happen again.
So badly. So so badly.
So badly. So so badly.
I want to have another night like this. Another night fun, fantastic, silly, interesting, exciting, funny..
I want it to happen again.
And I don't want my hopes to crash down around me.
However!
I'm going to.. Well, I'm going to try to keep myself positive.
Yes, every single time I say that, I end up failing the next day.
This one..
Well I feel like this one will work.
Why?
Because this week, consistently.. I've been feeling positive.
Because this week, consistently.. I've been feeling positive.
I have had.. A few very, very, very rough nights.
But I have been able to smile, to be positive.
So, I'm hoping I'm able to hold onto this feeling.
Goodness me.. There's a lot of hoping going on tonight.
Hope to see them again,
Hope to especially see her again,
Hope to have fun again,
Hope that.. this time will be different,
Hope that I'm... worth pursuing,
Hope to hang onto this positive feeling,
Hope that things will turn out well.
There are a few more "hopes" in there, but.. Well, they'll just turn into me being..
Hahaha, well, they'd turn into me freaking out about a girl, and how nervous I am around her, how worried I am about what she thinks of me, how much I want to be interesting to her, how worried I am that I'll do something stupid, how badly I want her attention....
I could go on endlessly on how worried I get when I'm interested in a girl. Seriously.
I could talk about this for a looooooong time.
However, that's not really what you want to read.
Howeverhowever, this probably wasn't a very interesting post to you.
Howeverhoweverhowever, I felt like writing it!
Because it's part of my life.
And this blog is about my life.
So.............. Yup.
Hopefully this post wasn't too boring for you! If it was, too bad.
Yeah.
What else is on my mind......
That I should say.........
Not much.
So I figure I should go to bed.
Interesting fact...
If I don't take my antidepressants earlier, I can EASILY pull an all-nighter.
I mean, my medication is literally the only reason I fall asleep.
I'm completely awake right now.
Good to know for college!
Obviously it's not good to skip my meds often.. But this is the first time in a while that I haven't taken them early.
Early being... 1:00 am.
So, I just took my medication.
SOOOOO.
I'm gonna get off the computer and listen to music.
How am I feeling...
I'm feeling...
Mostly good.
It's just that.. Nagging doubt, that apprehension, that depressing little bit that's hanging on.
That's the thing... I'm easily dragged down by just a little depression.
I'm happy!
But.. I'm also a little depressed.
Not too much.
I'm going to focus on the happy.
Sound good?
Sounds good.
Sounds good.
So, I'm going to sleep.
Hopefully.
Good night!
Thanks for reading : )
Until next time,
-Nolan
--------------------
Top Five Songs of the Day
- Good Life by Amber Pacific
- Somebody's Gonna Miss Us by Amber Pacific
- All Star by Smashmouth
- Promise Me by Cauterize
- Knockout ft. Nicki Minaj by Lil Wayne
Song Lyric of the Day
~Whoa-oh, whoa-oh,
Yeah it's a good day!
And I feel my life is changing!~
-Good Life by Amber Pacific
(Short section of lyrics but.. Hey. I'm feeling it)
Video Game of the Day
Saints Row: The Third
Youtube Video of the Day
I think this is the episode with...
VOLCANO BAKEMEAT.
Hahaha. Cameron showed me this a while back.
I love it.
Picture(s) of the Day
I can't emphasize how funny I thought that line was when I first heard it.
Hahaha... It's still funny.
Q_Q
I went through the Pokemon section of Memebase for a few dozens of pages today ._.
What was your favorite starter Pokemon?
Friday, March 23, 2012
Tonight's gonna be good (:
The title basically says it all!
I'm pretty sure I'm going to have an awesome night.
I'm going out around midnight to hang out with some friends!
We might go see a movie, or we might just.. Drive around and hang out.
Either way, it'll be fun.
I'm in a fantastic mood.
I really am.
In fact, I've been pretty darn happy the past couple days.
I'm not quite sure why....
Actually, I'm pretty sure I know why.
Buuuuuuut I'm not going to tell you.
It's a secret.
Teehee.
I'm special.
I'm so weird.
Also, I think sometime soon, I might be gauging my ears.
NOOOOO.
Not that kind of gauge.
Not the "OH MY GOD I COULD FIT MY HAND IN HIS EAR" type of gauge.
I'm thinking the smaller ones.
Personally, I kind of like the small gauges.
The reason I'm choosing a small size is because... Big looks freaking weird.
I could NEVER pull it off.
However, I think I could pull off small sized plugs.
And I've asked a few people, and theoretically, with the smallest gauge, the hole would eventually heal.
Which is good.
Still a debate.
I'm not quite sure.
I just... Want to pierce my ears.
Or maybe get spider bites.
...
Probably not spider bites.
But anyway.
What did I do today...
Went to class.. Went to class.. Went to class, took a test... Class was canceled... Came home, went to work...
Now I'm sitting and watching more Doctor Who.
Been watching it for the past couple days.
I really like it!
A lot.
So that's basically what I'm doing right now.
In a bit, I'm going to go shower and make myself look pretty.
That's a lie.
I'm going to shower and wash my hair!
And such.
So yeah.
I'm excited for tonight.
It should be fantastic (:
So I'm going to go now.
I'll blog again later!
Good night everybody!
Sleep well.
-------------------
I'm pretty sure I'm going to have an awesome night.
I'm going out around midnight to hang out with some friends!
We might go see a movie, or we might just.. Drive around and hang out.
Either way, it'll be fun.
I'm in a fantastic mood.
I really am.
In fact, I've been pretty darn happy the past couple days.
I'm not quite sure why....
Actually, I'm pretty sure I know why.
Buuuuuuut I'm not going to tell you.
It's a secret.
Teehee.
I'm special.
I'm so weird.
Also, I think sometime soon, I might be gauging my ears.
NOOOOO.
Not that kind of gauge.
Not the "OH MY GOD I COULD FIT MY HAND IN HIS EAR" type of gauge.
I'm thinking the smaller ones.
Personally, I kind of like the small gauges.
The reason I'm choosing a small size is because... Big looks freaking weird.
I could NEVER pull it off.
However, I think I could pull off small sized plugs.
And I've asked a few people, and theoretically, with the smallest gauge, the hole would eventually heal.
Which is good.
Still a debate.
I'm not quite sure.
I just... Want to pierce my ears.
Or maybe get spider bites.
...
Probably not spider bites.
But anyway.
What did I do today...
Went to class.. Went to class.. Went to class, took a test... Class was canceled... Came home, went to work...
Now I'm sitting and watching more Doctor Who.
Been watching it for the past couple days.
I really like it!
A lot.
So that's basically what I'm doing right now.
In a bit, I'm going to go shower and make myself look pretty.
That's a lie.
I'm going to shower and wash my hair!
And such.
So yeah.
I'm excited for tonight.
It should be fantastic (:
So I'm going to go now.
I'll blog again later!
Good night everybody!
Sleep well.
-------------------
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Again, with the short blogs. Good night!
Hmmm. It's a blog!
Hmmmmmmmmmm.
I don't have much to say right now.
I'm actually feeling pretty good.
However, I'm too lazy to write a good blog.
SO.
Good night!
I'm going to go back to watching Doctor Who, eating Jolly Ranchers, and talking on Facebook with random people ._.
Goodnight!
Sleep well world.
-Nolan
*UPDATE*
I'm going to bed at midnight.
This is the earliest I've gone to sleep in a long time.
: )
See you all in the morning!
Hmmmmmmmmmm.
I don't have much to say right now.
I'm actually feeling pretty good.
However, I'm too lazy to write a good blog.
SO.
Good night!
I'm going to go back to watching Doctor Who, eating Jolly Ranchers, and talking on Facebook with random people ._.
Goodnight!
Sleep well world.
-Nolan
*UPDATE*
I'm going to bed at midnight.
This is the earliest I've gone to sleep in a long time.
: )
See you all in the morning!
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Life Tries To Take You Down.. Don't Give It The Satisfaction! Stand Up!
Let's see.
I'm..
How am I feeling today?
I'm not quite sure.
Honestly, I'm feeling a massive collection of emotions right now.
Confusion, depression, excitement, happiness, anger, self-loathing, optimism, dread, pain, interest, hope, fear, fearlessness, inspiration..
I'm not just saying that or making that up. I.. I'm actually feeling all of those at once.
Isn't that fascinating? I mean, really. Think about it. The ability to feel positive and negative emotions at once.
That's so amazing to me! It just... Leaves me in awe.
Anyway.
Back to... Whatever the hell I'll be talking about.
Let's see here....
I was listening to "Not Afraid" by Eminem this morning.
It's interesting.. I was.. I guess that's what gave me the 'inspired' emotion.
I want to feel that way. I want to be that strong, that confident.
Hmm..
I feel like I want to talk about something like this!
I think I'll try!
So bear with me on this.. I have absolutely no clue what I'm even going to say.
At all. No ideas. At all. Whatsoever.
SO!
Let's try it.
Also, random side note. In my Sociology class, we're watching that video about men's self-image in society.
The man that's.. Narrating? Talking? Not sure.
Anyway. He said that it takes guts to stand up and support women and their right to be equal to men.
I.. I don't think it takes that much.. I do it naturally. Why wouldn't you support women? I mean really.
There's no reason not to support them. Back to my rambling.
--------------------
The future is absolutely terrifying.
Isn't it? It's unknown. We have no clue what's going to happen. We could die in less than 12 hours.
We could also find the happiest thing in the world in 12 hours.
We could meet our soul mate, we might already know our soul mate.
You might be with your soul mate and you don't know it!
You might be with your soul mate and you do know it.
The future... God. It scares me.
So much. I have to be honest and decide it's just plain.. Yeah.. I just get scared easily.
I get scared very easily. And.. The future is.. I don't know. To me, it's so stressful.
I really do not like change. And the future is all about change.
So logically, I don't like the future!
I get stressed out when I think about what I'm going to be going through.
My undergrad is the next 3 years of my life. 3 years of tests, exams, essays, presentation, research..
It's a lot. It's what I'm going through right now, and I can't say I'm looking forward to it.
If you're in high school, then high school is the next few years of your life.
Doesn't high school suck? Yes. It does.
That's a rhetorical question.
I strongly disliked high school. It was... Not a good time for me. At all.
And after high school, you have to decide about college, about what you want to start doing in life.
It's hard to look forward to something like that, isn't it?
Yeah, the future is stressful.
There's so much that is scary, that's unknown.
But...
I can do it. You can do it.
I don't know why I'm in this mood! I guess listening to Not Afraid really.. Inspired me.
I want to feel that way. I want to be that strong, I want to be confident, I want to look at the future, and say COME AT ME BRO.
That's so hard though. That's hard to put up with.. That's a hard goal.
But I'm pretty sure I can do it.
I mean, it's scary. I really am terrified. I'm not a strong person. I'm really not.
But I want to be that strong.
You know what? I think I can do this. I think I can be stronger.
And guess what? You can too. You can make it through this shit.
Life sucks, high school sucks, people are stupid, the world is brutal, society is out to get you.
Yeah, they all don't like us. They revel in our despair. They love seeing us feel pain, they love it when we fall apart.
Don't give them that satisfaction!
It's asking a lot to say "suck it up", so I'm not going to say that. Because, let's face it.. You can't just do that.
It's hard to sit down and say, "I don't think I'm going to feel pain today! I'm going to be happy constantly."
I know some people who can do that, and it makes me kind of jealous.
Wouldn't it be awesome if you just.. Wouldn't feel pain?
That'd be amazing. Anyway.
Don't give the world that satisfaction!
The world is stupid, they're out to get us.
Yeah, it's annoying as hell, and it hurts when they come after you and tear you apart. It's brutal!
We're constantly being torn down. We're constantly being told we're not enough, we're being reminded that we aren't needed, aren't wanted. This little part kind of sounds like part of this blog about society and how it sucks.
That blog was fun to write.. I suggest you read it. It was interesting.
Shrug it off. That's so easy to just say. Easier said than done. It takes a lot more than just thought power to "shrug it off".
The world will get you down, it will run you over, it will curbstomp you, and it won't stop until you're broken and bleeding.
It will try to kill you.
But you know what?
You've been through hell.
Yes, I mean you.
You're still here, aren't you? You're alive, you're breathing.
You have scars. You have cuts, burns, scratches.. You've been through so much.
You have scars. Mental, emotional, physical scars.
You're covered in proof that you've been through more than most people.
You've been through things that no one should have to deal with.
All those scars.. They remind you what you've been through.
You can still remember why they're there.
That scar on your arm? It's from the day they called you stupid, because they made fun of you.
That bruise? It's from someone you love abusing you.
That brand? It's because someone you love left you for another person.
That cigarette burn? It's because they called you a whore, a slut, useless, weak.
That cut? It's because you couldn't deal with the pain anymore, because you needed a release.
You're underweight, you barely eat. Why? They called you fat.
You hide your emotions behind a wall. Why? They told you showing your pain was weakness.
You keep smiling. Why? If you don't smile, the tears will flow down your cheeks.
You can't trust anyone. Why? Someone you love lied to you, hurt you, and you don't want that again.
Every night, you drink until you can't feel anything. Why? You're too tired of the world, you need an escape.
You're tired of this. You're tired of getting ripped apart, for no reason.
Did you deserve any of this?
NO.
You don't deserve ANY of this pain, any of this shit.
Yet you go through it every day.
But you know what?
You're alive. You're breathing. You keep going.
You keep pushing through. No matter what happens, something keeps you moving.
You may have no idea why.
You might wonder why you even bother trying anymore.
Some mysterious force, some inner fire, some strength inside you is constantly pushing you!
Yes.. You're tired. You're exhausted.
Just.. Going through your day makes you tired. Just keeping a smile on your face requires so much effort.
Believe me...
I know you're tired.
I know it's so hard to keep going some days.
But you can DO THIS.
Okay?
You can keep going.
You can move forward.
You've already been through so much!
You've already been through hell, and you came out alive!
You made it through, but you were hurt.
You have proof that you're strong.
That scar on your arm? It's healed. You stood up for yourself, they don't dare touch you now.
That bruise? You were abused, but it made you all the more stronger it takes more to hurt you now.
That brand? They left you, but you're living just fine without them.
That cigarette burn? They called you names, but you told them you were tired of their shit.
That cut? It gave you short term release, but you're ashamed of it. You aren't going to let it happen again.
Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
That doesn't feel true, but it is.
All those cuts and scars? It just means you got in a fight with yourself. You WON. You still are breathing.
Trust me on this.. I know the feeling of cutting. The mental need to hurt yourself.
This blog talks about this in detail.. Read it. Please.
Yeah, people give you shit.
Yeah, they make fun of you, they call you names.
Weak.
Pathetic.
Fat.
Freak.
Useless.
Stupid.
But they don't know you. They don't know anything about you.
They have no idea what you're going through.
You've been through things that would have killed them.
They call you weak? You're alive even after the world tried to take you down.
They call you pathetic? They don't know what you deal with when you go home, when you're alone.
They call you fat? You constantly diet, you work out, you skip meals just so you can feel better.
They call you a freak? Those scars don't define you. They show where you've been, what's happened.
They call you useless? You've helped your friends smile when you couldn't even smile, you've saved a life.
They call you stupid? You know more about emotions and stress than they ever will.
The world will constantly give you shit!
You won't be able to go a day without people trying to hurt you.
Yes, it's terrible. It's not fun.
It's the sad truth.
But.. You know what?
Let them.
They can try and take you down, they can try to kill you.
But you won't let them.
You have a burning will to live.
You fall apart. You feel pain. There are days when it all seems like it's too much.
But you keep moving forward, you put one foot in front of the other.
There are days when you just are trying to keep going.
It's exhausting just to step forward.
Crawl before you can walk. Walk before you can run.
So?
RUN.
Don't let life get you down.
Run forward. Break through barriers. Slam through those walls that are slowing you down.
People try to take you down? Shake them off.
When bullets start flying, run through the gunfire. You're bulletproof.
The hell you've gone through has strengthened you beyond what people can even imagine.
If they hate you, if they don't accept you?
They can feel however the hell they want. It's not your decision if they like you.
You can't decide for them.
Let them hate, let them try to break you down.
But they can't.
They're little pests. You're stronger than that. They can't rip you apart. You won't let them.
Sounds silly, but...
Haters gonna hate!
Don't let it hit you hard. They can't do shit to you. You've been through everything, and they're not strong enough to kill you. Nobody is.
Don't be afraid.
Yes, the future is terrifying.
It's unknown.
But you can still do it.
You can still move through this.
You're strong enough.
You've already been through it all.
So why stop now?
Live for today.
Let your loved ones know you love them.
Remind them you care.
Life is too short to hate. Love people, make friends, encourage others.
This life may suck, it may get you down, it may try to kill you..
But it's worth it.
You can always do this.
There are days when you feel like you can't handle it..
Those days, take a break. The world will keep turning.
People give you shit? Flip them off, walk away.
You feel like crying? Go home, curl up with some music, cry your eyes out.
One of your friends is depressed? Drive to their house, bring them candy, give them hugs.
You're tired of people? Lock yourself in a room with a computer. Watch funny Youtube videos, watch TV, make yourself laugh.
This world is brutal, it's going to try and kill you.
It's terrible.
It hurts.
But you've been through enough already.
Don't let the world break you down.
You're strong enough to move past it.
This life is short, live it up.
You only get one try, so make it count.
: )
--------------------
Well, that's my blog.
I got a little emotional on this one...
I really did. I got pissed, I got emotional, I got inspired, I got pumped up...
Yeah.
I really hope you guys enjoyed reading it!
Remember to read these other blogs if you liked this one.
She Deserves Your Best
YOU Define Who You Are
Life Is Rough.. Hang In There
Don't Let Anyone Else Tell You Differently.. You Are Beautiful
Remember, share this post if you like it!
And leave a comment.. I love reading comments!
Thanks for reading everybody. I hope this post helped someone feel a little better, or encouraged you!
-Nolan
--------------------
Top Five Songs of the Day
Song Lyric of the Day
~Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming
Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running
Didn't make sense not to live for fun
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb
So much to do so much to see
So what's wrong with taking the back streets
You'll never know if you don't go
You'll never shine if you don't glow
Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play
Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on get paid
And all that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold!~
-All Star by Smashmouth
Video Game of the Day
Chess. That's right, chess.
Nah. Not chess.
I was going to say Borderlands.
I'm..
How am I feeling today?
I'm not quite sure.
Honestly, I'm feeling a massive collection of emotions right now.
Confusion, depression, excitement, happiness, anger, self-loathing, optimism, dread, pain, interest, hope, fear, fearlessness, inspiration..
I'm not just saying that or making that up. I.. I'm actually feeling all of those at once.
Isn't that fascinating? I mean, really. Think about it. The ability to feel positive and negative emotions at once.
That's so amazing to me! It just... Leaves me in awe.
Anyway.
Back to... Whatever the hell I'll be talking about.
Let's see here....
I was listening to "Not Afraid" by Eminem this morning.
It's interesting.. I was.. I guess that's what gave me the 'inspired' emotion.
I want to feel that way. I want to be that strong, that confident.
Hmm..
I feel like I want to talk about something like this!
I think I'll try!
So bear with me on this.. I have absolutely no clue what I'm even going to say.
At all. No ideas. At all. Whatsoever.
SO!
Let's try it.
Also, random side note. In my Sociology class, we're watching that video about men's self-image in society.
The man that's.. Narrating? Talking? Not sure.
Anyway. He said that it takes guts to stand up and support women and their right to be equal to men.
I.. I don't think it takes that much.. I do it naturally. Why wouldn't you support women? I mean really.
There's no reason not to support them. Back to my rambling.
--------------------
The future is absolutely terrifying.
Isn't it? It's unknown. We have no clue what's going to happen. We could die in less than 12 hours.
We could also find the happiest thing in the world in 12 hours.
We could meet our soul mate, we might already know our soul mate.
You might be with your soul mate and you don't know it!
You might be with your soul mate and you do know it.
The future... God. It scares me.
So much. I have to be honest and decide it's just plain.. Yeah.. I just get scared easily.
I get scared very easily. And.. The future is.. I don't know. To me, it's so stressful.
I really do not like change. And the future is all about change.
So logically, I don't like the future!
I get stressed out when I think about what I'm going to be going through.
My undergrad is the next 3 years of my life. 3 years of tests, exams, essays, presentation, research..
It's a lot. It's what I'm going through right now, and I can't say I'm looking forward to it.
If you're in high school, then high school is the next few years of your life.
Doesn't high school suck? Yes. It does.
That's a rhetorical question.
I strongly disliked high school. It was... Not a good time for me. At all.
And after high school, you have to decide about college, about what you want to start doing in life.
It's hard to look forward to something like that, isn't it?
Yeah, the future is stressful.
There's so much that is scary, that's unknown.
But...
I can do it. You can do it.
I don't know why I'm in this mood! I guess listening to Not Afraid really.. Inspired me.
I want to feel that way. I want to be that strong, I want to be confident, I want to look at the future, and say COME AT ME BRO.
That's so hard though. That's hard to put up with.. That's a hard goal.
But I'm pretty sure I can do it.
I mean, it's scary. I really am terrified. I'm not a strong person. I'm really not.
But I want to be that strong.
You know what? I think I can do this. I think I can be stronger.
And guess what? You can too. You can make it through this shit.
Life sucks, high school sucks, people are stupid, the world is brutal, society is out to get you.
Yeah, they all don't like us. They revel in our despair. They love seeing us feel pain, they love it when we fall apart.
Don't give them that satisfaction!
It's asking a lot to say "suck it up", so I'm not going to say that. Because, let's face it.. You can't just do that.
It's hard to sit down and say, "I don't think I'm going to feel pain today! I'm going to be happy constantly."
I know some people who can do that, and it makes me kind of jealous.
Wouldn't it be awesome if you just.. Wouldn't feel pain?
That'd be amazing. Anyway.
Don't give the world that satisfaction!
The world is stupid, they're out to get us.
Yeah, it's annoying as hell, and it hurts when they come after you and tear you apart. It's brutal!
We're constantly being torn down. We're constantly being told we're not enough, we're being reminded that we aren't needed, aren't wanted. This little part kind of sounds like part of this blog about society and how it sucks.
That blog was fun to write.. I suggest you read it. It was interesting.
Shrug it off. That's so easy to just say. Easier said than done. It takes a lot more than just thought power to "shrug it off".
The world will get you down, it will run you over, it will curbstomp you, and it won't stop until you're broken and bleeding.
It will try to kill you.
But you know what?
You've been through hell.
Yes, I mean you.
You're still here, aren't you? You're alive, you're breathing.
You have scars. You have cuts, burns, scratches.. You've been through so much.
You have scars. Mental, emotional, physical scars.
You're covered in proof that you've been through more than most people.
You've been through things that no one should have to deal with.
All those scars.. They remind you what you've been through.
You can still remember why they're there.
That scar on your arm? It's from the day they called you stupid, because they made fun of you.
That bruise? It's from someone you love abusing you.
That brand? It's because someone you love left you for another person.
That cigarette burn? It's because they called you a whore, a slut, useless, weak.
That cut? It's because you couldn't deal with the pain anymore, because you needed a release.
You're underweight, you barely eat. Why? They called you fat.
You hide your emotions behind a wall. Why? They told you showing your pain was weakness.
You keep smiling. Why? If you don't smile, the tears will flow down your cheeks.
You can't trust anyone. Why? Someone you love lied to you, hurt you, and you don't want that again.
Every night, you drink until you can't feel anything. Why? You're too tired of the world, you need an escape.
You're tired of this. You're tired of getting ripped apart, for no reason.
Did you deserve any of this?
NO.
You don't deserve ANY of this pain, any of this shit.
Yet you go through it every day.
But you know what?
You're alive. You're breathing. You keep going.
You keep pushing through. No matter what happens, something keeps you moving.
You may have no idea why.
You might wonder why you even bother trying anymore.
Some mysterious force, some inner fire, some strength inside you is constantly pushing you!
Yes.. You're tired. You're exhausted.
Just.. Going through your day makes you tired. Just keeping a smile on your face requires so much effort.
Believe me...
I know you're tired.
I know it's so hard to keep going some days.
But you can DO THIS.
Okay?
You can keep going.
You can move forward.
You've already been through so much!
You've already been through hell, and you came out alive!
You made it through, but you were hurt.
You have proof that you're strong.
That scar on your arm? It's healed. You stood up for yourself, they don't dare touch you now.
That bruise? You were abused, but it made you all the more stronger it takes more to hurt you now.
That brand? They left you, but you're living just fine without them.
That cigarette burn? They called you names, but you told them you were tired of their shit.
That cut? It gave you short term release, but you're ashamed of it. You aren't going to let it happen again.
Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
That doesn't feel true, but it is.
All those cuts and scars? It just means you got in a fight with yourself. You WON. You still are breathing.
Trust me on this.. I know the feeling of cutting. The mental need to hurt yourself.
This blog talks about this in detail.. Read it. Please.
Yeah, people give you shit.
Yeah, they make fun of you, they call you names.
Weak.
Pathetic.
Fat.
Freak.
Useless.
Stupid.
But they don't know you. They don't know anything about you.
They have no idea what you're going through.
You've been through things that would have killed them.
They call you weak? You're alive even after the world tried to take you down.
They call you pathetic? They don't know what you deal with when you go home, when you're alone.
They call you fat? You constantly diet, you work out, you skip meals just so you can feel better.
They call you a freak? Those scars don't define you. They show where you've been, what's happened.
They call you useless? You've helped your friends smile when you couldn't even smile, you've saved a life.
They call you stupid? You know more about emotions and stress than they ever will.
The world will constantly give you shit!
You won't be able to go a day without people trying to hurt you.
Yes, it's terrible. It's not fun.
It's the sad truth.
But.. You know what?
Let them.
They can try and take you down, they can try to kill you.
But you won't let them.
You have a burning will to live.
You fall apart. You feel pain. There are days when it all seems like it's too much.
But you keep moving forward, you put one foot in front of the other.
There are days when you just are trying to keep going.
It's exhausting just to step forward.
Crawl before you can walk. Walk before you can run.
So?
RUN.
Don't let life get you down.
Run forward. Break through barriers. Slam through those walls that are slowing you down.
People try to take you down? Shake them off.
When bullets start flying, run through the gunfire. You're bulletproof.
The hell you've gone through has strengthened you beyond what people can even imagine.
If they hate you, if they don't accept you?
They can feel however the hell they want. It's not your decision if they like you.
You can't decide for them.
Let them hate, let them try to break you down.
But they can't.
They're little pests. You're stronger than that. They can't rip you apart. You won't let them.
Sounds silly, but...
Haters gonna hate!
Don't let it hit you hard. They can't do shit to you. You've been through everything, and they're not strong enough to kill you. Nobody is.
Don't be afraid.
Yes, the future is terrifying.
It's unknown.
But you can still do it.
You can still move through this.
You're strong enough.
You've already been through it all.
So why stop now?
Live for today.
Let your loved ones know you love them.
Remind them you care.
Life is too short to hate. Love people, make friends, encourage others.
This life may suck, it may get you down, it may try to kill you..
But it's worth it.
You can always do this.
There are days when you feel like you can't handle it..
Those days, take a break. The world will keep turning.
People give you shit? Flip them off, walk away.
You feel like crying? Go home, curl up with some music, cry your eyes out.
One of your friends is depressed? Drive to their house, bring them candy, give them hugs.
You're tired of people? Lock yourself in a room with a computer. Watch funny Youtube videos, watch TV, make yourself laugh.
This world is brutal, it's going to try and kill you.
It's terrible.
It hurts.
But you've been through enough already.
Don't let the world break you down.
You're strong enough to move past it.
This life is short, live it up.
You only get one try, so make it count.
: )
--------------------
Well, that's my blog.
I got a little emotional on this one...
I really did. I got pissed, I got emotional, I got inspired, I got pumped up...
Yeah.
I really hope you guys enjoyed reading it!
Remember to read these other blogs if you liked this one.
She Deserves Your Best
YOU Define Who You Are
Life Is Rough.. Hang In There
Don't Let Anyone Else Tell You Differently.. You Are Beautiful
Remember, share this post if you like it!
And leave a comment.. I love reading comments!
Thanks for reading everybody. I hope this post helped someone feel a little better, or encouraged you!
-Nolan
--------------------
Top Five Songs of the Day
- Not Afraid by Eminem
- Drop The World ft. Eminem by Lil Wayne
- Surfacing by Slipknot
- All Star by Smashmouth
- Lovers In Japan [Osaka Sun Mix] by Coldplay
Song Lyric of the Day
~Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming
Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running
Didn't make sense not to live for fun
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb
So much to do so much to see
So what's wrong with taking the back streets
You'll never know if you don't go
You'll never shine if you don't glow
Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play
Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on get paid
And all that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold!~
-All Star by Smashmouth
Video Game of the Day
Chess. That's right, chess.
Nah. Not chess.
I was going to say Borderlands.
Youtube Video of the Day
Picture(s) of the Day
In honor of my very..
'Come at me bro' type mood,
you shall now see 'come at me bro' pictures.
Enjoy!
And if you didn't find these pictures funny....
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