I'm at least trying.
I've decided to cut out soda, which isn't that hard at all.
I'm working to cut back on sugar, and maybe a little bit on calories.
I also need to get back to doing pushups.
I'm all flabby.
But I found a couple bags of M&Ms..
So I'm having some M&Ms.
God, I feel fat when I'm eating chocolate.
IT'S JUST SO GOOD THOUGH.
Anyway.
Ah! Hung out with Jessi for an hour or so today.
I went to drop off some chalk for her, because she's going to try and chalk her hair.
Like colored chalk.
From what I looked at, it looks really really cool! So hopefully that'll end up looking awesome sometime soon.
Uh..
Played a decent amount of League of Legends today!
That was fun. Played with Dane and some of his friends, won a few of them.
Now I'm applying to a few places online.
I really want a job.
Hmm, my birthday is coming up relatively quickly.
I can't decide between getting an HD monitor or buying a Call of Duty game for my PC.
I desperately need an online shooter game.
The free-to-play ones just aren't cutting it anymore.
Even though I give Call of Duty shit (because every game is the same, just with new guns and maps), they're still fun.
Even if 85% of the players are under 13 years of age.
Anyway.
My birthday.
I mean, it's coming as quickly as it was a month ago. I don't think time has sped up.
At least not that I can tell.
If it has..
Well...
Yeah.
Anyway.
Like last night, I just.. I feel depressed.
But I don't want it to go away, isn't that weird?
As complicated as life can be, sometimes, I just want something so familiar to me that it can calm me down.
It's obviously not a good thing that depression is that "familiar" thing, but.. Well, it is.
I just.. I don't know.
I feel like something huge is missing in my life.
I have done a lot of thinking about what it is that I'm missing.
I'm still not entirely sure.
More and more, I just find myself craving a hug from a close friend before I go to sleep.
Well, I'm craving hugs all day.
But the people that I find myself wanting to see are unavailable in some way.
Be it that they don't want to see me, they're busy, or they're in a different state.. It just doesn't work out.
I really want to move out.
It's nothing against my family or anything, but.. I just want to have my own place.
Even if it's an apartment. Just.. Somewhere.
I've talked with a couple friends about maybe being roommates when we make enough money.
I have a few in mind that I wouldn't mind living with.
Sigh.
I don't even know.
I just.. Bleehh.
Living day-to-day with no real motivation or things to look forward to gets old.
That's why I'm craving that job so much.
Or more friends.
I don't know!
Anything!
Okay, not anything.
I have a feeling something huge and terrifying would happen.
Maybe an alien invasion.
Or Communism.
Or.. Alien invasion.
So not anything.
But you know what I meant.
I just want something to live for every day.
The things that I once thought were worth living for just.. Weren't.
It stopped helping me wake up.
So I'm stuck when I really don't want to go to sleep.
But I really don't want to stay awake.
SO.
I'm going to finish this application,
Brush my teeth,,
Shower,
And go to bed.
That's my goal.
-Nolan
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