A Day In the Life of Nolan: Nice Guys - Targets for the Friend Zone

Yup!
I'm actually going to be talking about myself in this blog.

Kind of strange.

This isn't necessarily giving a past history or anything.
This is just my view on being a nice guy.

I have to say, I feel like a selfish, bragging jerk for talking about myself.
Is that weird?
I hate complimenting myself.
I really do.

But this is mostly for other guys that feel the way I do.

I've been told multiple times by multiple girls that I'm a nice guy!
I've heard it hundreds of times.
Over and over, that I'm a nice guy.
I'm not complaining about this, by the way.
I'm telling you how it is.

I love being a nice guy.
But I also hate it.

It's a little of both.

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I love being a nice guy for a few reasons, actually.
I have tons of female friends.
I'm well-liked by most females I know and I have a good reputation (as far as I know).
I'm trusted, and I get to listen to girls vent on a regular basis.
I get compliments (even if I don't accept them as truth).

I have tons of female friends... Actually, probably 95% of my closest friends are girls. I like that!
I get to talk to girls all the time, and not cause drama. It's really great! I kind of get to gain a little insight into women, as I talk to them constantly. Obviously, I'm nowhere near understanding them, but hey.. I'm learning as I go.
I like having girls as friends. I get to help them find guys! I'm able to give my advice. Apparently, guys are confusing to girls (No way, REALLY?). I hate seeing a girl want to chase after a guy, but he doesn't notice or seem to care. So, I love giving advice and kind of explaining what the guy could be thinking, and how the girl should act around him to attract him. I'm not right 100% of the time, but I think I help a little.
I love helping others, and I love being able to give advice to female friends on boys. Because, face it... Guys are confusing too. We all think we make sense, but girls don't necessarily see us the way that we see us. If that makes sense.

I enjoy having female friends.. They're close to me, and I can hang out with them in a way that wouldn't work with guys.
Like I've said, when I'm extremely emotional, I love being around a girl. Obviously a girl that's close to me, otherwise it's weird.
Being around a girl when you're crying is much more different than when you're around a guy. Guys will tend to acknowledge you're crying, but won't necessarily do anything about it. We kind of just wait until the other person stops crying, then we talk it out. Or punch things until we feel better.
Crying when you're with a girl is much more satisfying to me.. It may be because I'm an extremely sensitive guy. But I prefer to be around girls when I'm upset. They'll let you cry, and they won't judge or make fun of you. Like I've said before, I was with my non-biological-best-friend-and-sister Erin on a particularly bad night.
I was extremely upset, and we were driving around, just talking. Until I burst out sobbing.
At which point, she held my hand and told me things were going to be alright.
She knew that holding my hand would help. It gives physical contact in a way that can help you feel better.
We were able to just talk for a while, and she bought us ice cream.
Very good ending to a very bad night.
So yeah.. I enjoy having female friends. They're my favorite. (:

I'm well-liked by most girls, and I have a good reputation (as far as I know, at least).
Again, that's speculation. I don't actually know what people think of me. So, for all I know, people could hate me! But from what I'm told, I'm a nice person.
I guess I'm well-liked by most girls I know because I don't pry into their problems, I don't judge them, I don't try and get in their pants, and I'm a guy that loves to just listen to them talk. When a girl is venting, there are times to give advice, and there are times just to listen. Some of us guys actually know the difference!
I don't pry into their problems because, let's face it. Not everybody wants to talk about why they're upset.
Sometimes they just want to ignore it. So I don't push to figure something out. Okay, only sometimes.
But I don't pry to the point that they would get really mad at me.

I don't judge anyone. 'Nuff said.

I don't always try and get in peoples' pants.. I know lots of guys that pretty much just talk to girls so they can eventually have sex with them. I don't get that.
It's kind of cool being respected by people..

I know I sound like a pompous ass, but I really do like being respected.
I try my hardest to not be like every other guy, and sometimes a girl will acknowledge it.
Which is a great feeling.
I've also been told that I'm the same as every other guy, and not really special.
That no matter what I do, I can never hope to change.
That one hurt.

I guess being trusted kind of goes along with being well-liked.
Because I'm not a player, and because I like staying as "just friends", I'm the kind of guy that a girl can come to, crying about a break up, and I can just talk to them about it, and I won't try anything stupid.
I'm often the one that is there for a girl when she's going through a rough patch with her man..
And I absolutely love being that guy.
I get to help someone. It's kind of awesome.

I guess I'm trusted by a lot of people... I don't tell other peoples' secrets to anyone.
If they tell me not to tell someone, I don't tell anyone.
I enjoy being trusted. I'm able to help people in a way that not everyone can.
Particularly girls..
This is a blog about being a "nice guy" anyway.

I also get complimented. A lot.
Quite a lot.The only problem is, I'll say thank you and smile, but I'll never take the compliment to heart.
I mean, I'll feel special that they want to compliment me, but I just don't deserve the compliments people give.
It takes a very very special type of person to make me accept a compliment.
I think only two people have ever made me actually accept a compliment and believe it.
It's hard for me to accept anything good about myself.
Which is also why I refuse to believe I'm good at anything.

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Ah yes.. I also hate being a nice guy.
With a passion.
As much as I love it, I also loathe it.
Quite a lot.

I'm constantly friend-zoned.
I feel alone most of the time.
My feelings and emotions come second.
I'm the guy that "A girl would be lucky to have!", but no girl actually wants me.

Being friend-zoned sucks. I often read too much into a girl's emotions, and I will get myself kind of interested in her, only to realize that I'm not exactly what she needs.
Which is fine! I mean, I'm okay with being just friends with girls. However, it does sort of suck when I get myself excited for nothing.

I generally don't actually ask girls out.. The last time I tried, it didn't really work so well.
I also don't normally tell a girl that I have feelings for her, because I don't want to get myself involved with someone that I don't deserve. And also, I'd rather NOT ask her out, then figure out for myself if she's interested.
I don't like rejection, so I generally don't actually ask someone out. I wait then try and read them, to figure out so I don't get my hopes up.
That little paragraph is very sloppily written, so I'm sorry.
I think I repeated myself... repeatedly.
Yo dawg....

I feel alone most of the time.
I guess this one hurts.
I get to watch people find those "special someones", then I get to sit and watch them.
It's not so much as I'm hurt by watching someone I care about get a boyfriend..
That's not the case. In fact, I LOVE watching a girl, especially my friends, find a special guy!
I really do!
I love being able to talk with them about their boyfriend, and I wouldn't trade that for the world.
I've always loved talking to girls about how awesome their boyfriend is.
It's comforting to know that there are nice guys out there.

It's just....
I want it to be my turn.
I thought I had it at one point, but I guess I was wrong in that case.

I know this kind of sounds pathetic, like I'm whining about this.
But....
I really do want someone. I really do.
I want to have someone special to me, someone to love.
Someone who can love me in return..
When can it be my turn?

That brings me to explaining that my emotions and feelings come last.
I need to explain this before I say it.
I'm not saying that other people put my emotions down, I'm not saying that people ignore me when I'm upset. No, no no no.
That's not it at all.
I'm saying that, in ANY relationship, friendships, romantic relationships, I put myself second.

In a friendship, I would rather talk about their problems than mine. It actually makes me happy when I'm able to help someone else! People assume that, when I put my emotions last, I'm unhappy all the time.
Yes, I'm unhappy quite a bit. But it makes me happy when someone else feels better because of me.
Does that make sense?

I enjoy putting myself second because I love helping others.
However, if I have feelings for a girl, it can hurt sometimes.
When I say "feelings for a girl", I don't mean that I absolutely love them in every way and want to be with them forever.
No.
When I say "feelings for a girl", it means that I enjoy our friendship, but I wouldn't mind being more.
I'm fine with staying friends, but I would like to take the chance to be more if it presented itself.
So if I have feelings for a girl, and they want another guy, I'm fine with it. It makes me happy to see them happy.

I'm the guy that "any girl would be lucky to have", but no girl actually wants to be that girl.
People assume that, because I'm nice, I can get girls easily...
The truth is, not many girls want a nice guy.
They say they do, they say that guys like me deserve any girl, but if you think about it, it's a lot of work to have a sensitive boyfriend. I get emotional, I get attached, and I enjoy reminding them how special they are to me, and frankly, that's not attractive to most girls.
Basically, every other kind of guy attracts girls.
I get friends, not girlfriends.
Girls call me nice, they say I'm special, they say I can get a girl easily.
Frankly, I don't. I can't.
I'm just not what a girl wants.

It means a lot to me when a girl says that sort of thing, but it's bittersweet.

I would say that Cooper, Caleb, and I are the three main "nice guys" I know.
They're the ones that I can consistently talk to about girls, and we can share stories of why we wish we were different.
They're also the ones that I can sit with for a minute of complete silence, then just say,
".... Women."
And they'll know exactly what I mean.
We sit and talk to each other and grumble about how we wish we were cooler.
We grumble and discuss the fact that a great girl is now going out with a douche.
We talk about how, just when we thought we had something, it turns out she actually wasn't interested in us.
We're the ones that hate school dances, because we always see the girls we've liked dancing so close to the guy that mistreated every other girl we've liked.

So to both of you,

........ Women.
Seriously.
I mean... Yeah.
You know exactly what I mean.
Am I right?

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NOTE.
If you're a girl, if you're a friend, and you're reading this, I ask you to still treat me the same way.
I am in no way, shape, or form, complaining.
I really really sound like I'm whining and bitching about how terrible my life is.

I understand that that's how it looks and sounds, but I'm not complaining.
I'm writing this so that girls can understand how us "nice guys" feel.
I'm writing it to the other guys who feel like this.
So they know that they're not alone.

I'm trying to just explain how I feel.
And don't think that I'm depressed constantly because of what we talk about.
Like I said, I'm actually extremely happy when you're happy.
I've just had this on my mind for a few days, and I feel like I wanted to at least talk about it.

Online.

On a blog.
.....
.....

Yeah.
Special, eh?

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SO.
To you guys out there, all you nice guys.. This sucks, doesn't it?
It hurts. And often, you get frustrated and feel like there's no one out there for you.
But I promise. Your time will come.
You'll find that special someone, the girl that treats you right, that understands your feelings, and still loves you.
It may be a while, but it will happen.
I promise.
There's a few of us nice guys, and there's a small amount of the smart girls that actually want to go after a nice guy.
It sucks right now, but I promise you.. She's there. She's waiting for you to show her just how awesome we are. She's hanging in there, learning who she is, learning what she wants.
And when she meets you, she'll go for you.
SO hang in there guys..
We can do this.
We're nice.

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On a couple separate occasions, my friend Ashley has given me help with this.
She's been there for me through a lot.
And she knows how I feel about this, and she knows that it's rough for me.
After a particularly bad day, she sent me this little speech that she found.

It makes me smile, and it gives me a little hope when I read it.
So to you guys who read these and think, "That's me!", I'm actually kind of sorry..
Being a nice guy kind of sucks! We always finish last!
But the point of this toast is to remind you that we will find that someone.
You just have to be extremely patient.
So hang in there guys (:
It'll get better.

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A Toast To The Nice Guys
-Written by a Girl

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

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So, I hope this blog was at least interesting to read.
It was interesting to write!
Very... Off the top of my head actually.
All in one sitting.

I hope that it helped you guys out there..
And I hope it gave a little insight to girls about our situation!

So yeah!
That's my blog for the day!

Don't forget to share it if you like it (:

-Nolan

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