I watched The Grey today.
I really liked it.
And want to know something interesting?
It made me tear up.
NO movie that I can think of has ever done that.
Not even Titanic. Hmm.. I'll think about that as I write this. I don't think a movie has before, but I might just have forgotten.
Let's see.
Today.
Slept, sat around in my room, watched some Netflix, played some of the Dawn of War franchise, then played some Resident Evil.
I'm playing that right now, actually.
I've felt physically crappy all day. Still do.
I have a fever of 99.5, give or take a couple tenths of a degree.
I was feeling weak and achy, but that's because I hadn't eaten today.
So, I ate some food.
Feel less weak. Still achy, but not too bad.
I'm hoping I feel better by tomorrow.. Jessi is coming over! Ah finally! I get to see my girl.
I've been missing her this week.
I really miss her. I can't wait to finally hold her again. My arms just.. Feel so much more empty when she's not in them.
Whoa.
This is... Strange.
I mean, really really strange. As in, made me completely stop typing and look at my hands.
I just...
I don't know. I was hit in the face with a MASSIVE influx of.. Happiness?
Comfort? I don't even know.
But I'm smiling. And... Tearing up? I don't know. I can't tell.
All I know is.. I feel absolutely fantastic right now.
Like I'm on top of the world.
Like if something tried to take me down, I'd win.
I have no idea. I just smiled and laughed. I mean, actually laughed out loud.
But it wasn't the "oh that's funny" kind of laugh.
It was a carefree laugh.
This is strange!
Ahhhhh it's weird!
But.. I don't know. Smiling and laughing.
I like it.
I'm really feeling good right now.
I haven't been this happy since....
I guess since I first held Jessi, looked her in the eyes, and kissed her.
You know those butterflies you get in your stomach when you're holding someone you love?
I have miniature versions of those butterflies. I mean, not super-obvious ones, but.. They're there.
Something Jessi told me yesterday is really sticking with me right now.
I guess.. Well, she actually makes me think I'm worth something.
Not many people can do that. But it's not just a temporary feeling..
I mean.. Ugh how do I explain it?
I have abnormally low self-esteem. Really bad self-esteem.
Reeeeeeally bad.
And there are moments when I feel like I'm not worth anything. Everyone has those moments.
But.. Ever since I found Jessi, those moments are less common.
I mean, a couple days ago, I looked in the mirror and genuinely liked what I saw.
Hasn't happened since then, but it happened.
She's the only one who can consistently feel good about myself.
I feel like.. I just feel on top of the world when I'm with her.
She makes me happy, to say the least.
She supports me when I can't support myself.
She reminds me I'm loved, even when I don't feel like I am.
Obviously, I'm far from the point where I'll feel like this all the time. I don't think I ever will.
But.. Hey.
I feel fantastic right now.
I mean, I have little bits in the back of my head that are reminding me of reasons I should be upset, but..
Hmm how do I explain it?Actually, I'll use The Grey!
Kind of makes sense. Or maybe I just really liked the movie.
Because you get to see Liam Neeson owning some wolves.
Those thoughts are like wolves right now, and I'm backed into a corner, using a torch to keep them at bay, while I bide my time to try and figure out some sort of defense.
It's night, so they're getting closer. More and more of them are creeping forward, more eyes shining in the black night.
I can see what they've done before. I can see how those thoughts have attacked me before, and it scares me, because I know eventually, they'll be at the point when they can bite and claw at me.
But..
I feel like it's just.. Turned into day. Bright day, with sunlight beaming down, showing me the wolves and how many there are, and.. They're not as big and terrifying as they were a minute before.
Wow.
That's.... A weird explanation. I feel.. Over-dramatic for saying it that way, but it's the best way I can think of describing it.
Yeah. I feel weird for saying it that way. But it's just such a perfect image in my head, that I had to explain it that way.
ANYWAY.
Today was alright.
Sleep, video games, resting, etc.
Dad came home and rented The Grey and The Darkest Hour.
They were both good.
The Grey was absolutely amazing, The Darkest Hour was alright.
The concept of the movie was better than the actual movie. It was an extremely unique setting, and an awesome concept of how the end of the world would play out with the way the aliens attacked.
So yeah.
It was pretty cool in it's own way.
I've been listening to Good Life by OneRepublic on repeat since I've started writing this.
It's making me smile.
Well, I can sort of feel my unhappy thoughts moving toward me again.
Hmph.
Come at me bro.
I'm feeling good, and I'll stay this way for... Well, for maybe a couple hours to be honest.
Hahaha.
But I'm working on it.
Hmm.
I'm going to play some Resident Evil for a bit.
I'll share 2 songs that can consistently make me happy!
Because it's a happy song!
So, the reason this song makes me happy is kind of obscure.
It's in Spanish, so I have almost NO idea what they're saying or even talking about.
BUT.
The reason it makes me happy is purely because it's from one of the Fast And Furious movies.
The newest one, to be precise. Fast Five.
The song starts at the end of the movie when Ludacris opens the big vault and TONNNNSSS of money comes pouring out.
It makes me happy because you get to see all of the team getting their happy moments.
Buying nice cars and whatnot.
It's... I don't know. It's a happy song. At least, it sounds like it is.
For all I know, the lyrics could be something absolutely terrible.
But from the video, I'm pretty sure it's a happy-ish song.
So yeah.
I'm in a good mood.
And I'm going to try and stay that way.
At least for the night.
Good night everyone!
Hopefully I feel better in the morning, without a fever.
And I get to see Jessi! Hooray!
Well.
I'm off to play video games.
Bye!
Bye!
-Nolan
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