Given the past few days, I'm surprised I was able to smile as much as I have today.
A short explanation:
When I'm depressed, I don't usually bother trying to pull myself out of it.
I've been depressed for so long, that I don't really see the point in trying to get out of it, because I know it will come back, no matter what I do.
Obviously, medication has helped with that a decent amount.
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I don't really know what to blog about tonight.
Not much has really hit me as something exciting to tell the world about.
I'll never explain the full story on the internet, because that's just stupid.
Right now, about... 4 people really know what's been happening recently, and 1 person knows everything.
It's not something I plan on talking about with people.
It's just not something that I believe people deserve to know.
It's in the past.
I can't change any of it.
No matter how much I cry,
No matter how many songs or poems I write,
No matter how HARD I wish things could have been different,
I can't change anything.
There's so much I could talk about on this, but the internet is not the mature or sensible place to put it all.
So, I will go back to my day.
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Yesterday, I was up to around 3 am, having anxiety attacks, breakdowns, and all-around having a REALLY bad night.
Because of that, I decided I could skip my first two classes, because if I read the book, I'll be caught up.
I didn't skip my Philosophy class because attendance is graded, and I had homework to turn in.
It was okay.
Most of this day was kind of blurred together.
That's been happening a lot recently.
Just.. Moving through the day, not focusing or working on anything.
But I had numerous high points today!
1. I was able to walk to class with my friend Brittany. She was the ONLY person I met at my orientation, and we're great friends. We only have one class together, so I love walking around with her. Today, she thought it was going to be nice weather, so she wore a skirt and leggings. Then she got to campus, and it started dumping snow. I made fun of her for it. But when we got out of class, it was sunny again. Go figure.
2. I've just been talking to a lot of people recently. I've been able to find out who to talk to when I'm upset, and who I can talk to just to distract myself. So many people have been here for me, and I love it. I've definitely been taking my friends for granted.
So, all of you who are reading this, if I talk to you, I can't thank you enough.
You've put up with me for so long, and, recently, you've put up with my VIOLENT mood swings.
From angry, to crying, to furious, to confused, to sobbing, to miserable, to happy, back to angry, and all over again.
Thank you (:
3. I went and saw the new Underworld movie with my dad.
It was AMAZING. I'm a fan of action movies.
Especially the Underworld movies.
I'm particularly a fan of these two women.
Definitely my favorite actresses.
Professional badasses.
The movie was awesome.
My dad and I were able to identify the weapons used in the movie too.
(We love doing that. I've inherited his fascination for weaponry).
Afterwards, we talked about the Beretta's that the actress used in Underworld.
Fully automatic pistols.
That she manages to fire in each hand, quite accurately, for a long period of time.
She's a vampire, which basically explains why she can do that.
Yup.
4. I was able to talk with two friends I haven't talked to in a long time; Janae and Paige.
Last night, Janae was one of the couple people that I was sitting and crying and freaking out while talking to them. She was there in a way that not many other people were. So today, we decided to start catching up in a way that didn't involve me sobbing uncontrollably. She's a great friend. I miss talking to her as often as I used to.
Then, I got to skype with Paige!
We haven't seen each other in about 3 years. We talked occasionally, but never really talked. If you know what I mean.
We had sort of small talk, but we never updated each other on our lives.
Today, I was able to sit down and Skype with her.
It was really awesome!
Talking to a friend that I haven't seen in a while, discussing relationships and such. It was fantastic.
The only downside is, I wasn't able to Skype my other friend tonight, because she went to sleep before we could.
I'm hoping to Skype her as well this weekend.
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Tomorrow is my birthday party!
I'm quite excited.
Tons of guys, hanging out, playing video games, NOT talking about feelings.
Awesome.
It's what I need after this week.
I'm very excited to see all of them, and just game it up.
I made it clear to them that I've been a little emotionally.. Roller coaster-ish.
But I'm sure that I'll be happy for most of the night.
And if I become unhappy, I know that they'll be able to help me get over it.
By shooting zombies.
Yes please.
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Recently, music-wise, I've been pretty random.
The thing with my music choice is, I usually have set songs to listen to for what I'm feeling.
I've only recently discovered that I have music that I can listen to when I'm NOT depressed.
It's weird.
My 4 bands that I listen to when I'm unsure of what I feel are; Coldplay, Smash Mouth, OneRepublic, and Sherwood.
They're GREAT bands.
Coldplay and OneRepublic are a little more mellow, for the most part.
And Smash Mouth and Sherwood are generally what I listen to when I just want something poppy.
Yeeup.
That's all I really got right now.
I'm off to sleep..
Good night world!
Tomorrow's another day, and I will make it through (:
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Top Five Songs of the Day
- Everybody Loves Me by OneRepublic
- Rooftops by LostProphets
- Why Can't We Be Friends? (cover) by Smash Mouth
- I'll See That You Aren't Woken by Sherwood
- Joyride by Dave Matthews Band
Video Game of the Day
Super Street Fighter IV: Arcade Edition
Youtube Video of the Day
MY EARS. THEY BLEED.
Picture(s) of the Day
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