Preemptive Blog Post

I know I'm not going to be in the mood to blog tomorrow.

So I'm writing this one now, to sort of excuse myself from the duty of writing one tomorrow.

--------------------

I have no idea what to even discuss. Or talk about.

I'm honestly just rambling.
I can't fall asleep.
Too restless.

So, of course, I get on the goddamn computer.

Blogging will probably help me relax.
Gives me a way to kind of organize thoughts.

Kind of.

I don't even know.

I feel like repeatedly swearing.
With every word I know.

I just feel.....
I don't even know.

Something I guess.
If I was feeling nothing, I wouldn't even be on here.

..
..
..
..

I love music.
It can do everything.
It affects my emotions in a way that only a couple things can.

That's obviously a good or bad thing.
It's a toss-up.

I use music to affect my mood.

Generally, I'm depressed. Down in the dumps. Melancholy. Apathetic. Unhappy.

So, if I listen to music that's depressing, it helps a little bit. I've been trying to nail down why that is, but I can't figure it out.
I think it's mainly because it gives me a little to hear someone else's thoughts, and often, they manifest my emotions in a way that I could NEVER do.
Musically, lyrically..

Music is a beautiful thing.
As of late, I've been pretty happy.
There's no mystery why.

But I still occasionally get moods like right now.
I was having a good day. Okay, a decent day.
I got home and was able to play some video games, then I.. I don't even know.
My mood crashed.

Instantly.
And I've been trying to find music to listen to that fits my mood.
I have a playlist that I've compiled over a few months.
It's called 'Lovesick'.
It currently has 83 songs in it.
I'm slowly adding more.

I have another 6 or 7 songs that I'm going to add to it soon.
Probably when I wake up.

I'm listening to it right now.
I still can't find anything to help.
I'm looking hard.. For... Something. Anything.

But nothing comes.

I feel blank.

Not empty.
Not depressed.
Not angry.
Just....

Blank.

..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..

Hah. Of course.
How perfect.

The '..' was me skipping through songs, trying to find something to listen to that I would enjoy.
And I happened to land on 'Promise' by Matchbook Romance.

--------------------

I'm slowly getting more sleepy, more relaxed.
So I'm going to keep rambling, and here's hoping I get to the point that I can fall asleep.

I realized, when I'm upset, I type faster. I'm not sure why.
I still don't know what I should talk about.

--------------------

I guess it bothers me when people claim that one genre of music is superior to all others.
I don't think I've ever made a claim that ONE genre is the BEST and everything else SUCKS.

I've hated on rap and country for a majority of my musical life.
Not proud of that.
But I'm getting into both of them now.
Lizzi definitely has gotten me into them!
I love rap now.. But I'm still adjusting to country.
I just can't get over how obnoxious their accents sound. Sorry, but it's how I feel.

Back to my original point.

It bothers me when someone has the gall to decide that a musician has no talent.
I've heard a girl say that Jazz required no talent, and the solos were simply random notes.
I used to think that the notes were KIND of random, but I knew there was a pattern in there somewhere.
She flat-out decided that Jazz was pathetic.

Obviously she didn't notice the 7 Jazz theory classes that CSU offers.
I think 6 of them are classes on how to improvise.

Yeah.
Jazz is far more complex than what most people think.

--------------------

I'm getting so sleepy.
Eyes keep shutting.
But I want to keep talking.
Not sure about what.

But I might as well.

I'm not going to be in the mood to do anything today.

I don't care anymore actually.

I don't want to blog.
I don't want to sleep.
I don't want to wake up.
I don't want to go to class.
I don't know what I want.

--------------------

I don't know why I put a divider right there..
Maybe I thought I had a thought, but I honestly don't.

Music truly is a wonderful thing.

..

"If You're Gone" by Matchbox Twenty. Good song. Sad, but beautiful.

I don't want to wake up in 5 hours..
I just....
I just don't.

I feel so.. Weird.
Too many emotions roiling through me.
Waves of emotions are just pounding my head.

I have a headache.
My forearms are sore because I didn't bother stretching after working out.
My eyelids are heavy and they keep shutting.
I'm freezing.
My hands are trembling.
Heart is pounding.
I'm flooding my ears with music, but it's not loud enough to help.
My feet have fallen asleep.
I'm vaguely aware of light coming in through my window.
Fantastic. Now it'll be harder to go to sleep.
But at least this helped me relax.

--------------------

If you're still reading this, why?
You just wasted your time.
I literally just sat and rambled on about NOTHING.
And yet you're STILL reading this.

I find it slightly frustrating that I even did this.
Now I look like.....
I don't even know actually.
I just think of this whole post as a stupid thing.
Who knew rambling could help relax.

Not me.
No idea..
Now I know.

It barely helps.
I didn't relax, but I got sleepier.

Maybe that's a good thing.

I don't care anymore.

I'm going to bed.
I'm not going to do the normal things I do like Top Five Songs of the Day or anything.
I'm just going to try and sleep.

Good night world.
Forgive me if I don't write tonight.
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..

"With Me" by Sum 41.